I would say that I miss you
But I don't even know
Who you are
All I know
Is who you pretended to be

So I guess I just miss
The fantasy
You made for me

The you that I knew
Wouldn't do this to me
The you that I knew

The you
That I

Knew

And

It's not that I don't care
It's that I can't care
Cause the you
That I knew
Is no longer there

I wish I could
Package each and every single adjective that I have used to describe you thus far
And send them to you individually
So that you could have enough pieces
To make a portrait
Big enough to cover the entire night sky
Not missing an inch
So you could marvel at it the way I do
When you’re feeling down
And if it does nothing else
I hope it makes you smile
The way I do
When I’m down
I know I’m not a healer, and theres nothing I can fix
But I am a writer
So I’d like to give you this



I’ve dug deep inside myself and found pieces of you buried in the depths of my heart
Places I’ve never known
Places I want to discover



It’s funny cause
I’ve started and ended this poem about 34 times.
Today.
Alone.
I won’t address the other days.
This is a simple one...

I wonder if the lead in my pencil gets excited when I begin to write your name.

Sometimes, I’m jealous that it’s gotten to touch you before I have.

I sit in my room and turn off the lights.
Windows draped with black out curtains.
My eyes are wide open, but it doesn’t make a difference.
It’s the same color as when they’re closed.
Most people like their canvases to be white..
But I draw better in the dark.
I speak and let the words surround me until I can see them
I allow them to join together in holy matrimony,
I listen to them say their vows to one another, pledging the sweetest allegiance to themselves
They conceive pictures that I could have never fathomed
Paintings I could never draw
I watch them dance all around me
Vibrant
So vibrant
I want to touch them, but I let them be  instead
I can’t believe they once lived inside of me
This is love
This is existence
This is creation
I am Mother Nature.

you asked me once
what my favorite color was

I didn’t know how to describe
in words
that

my favorite color is the shade your
eyes become
when the sun
decides to use them
as a mirror

or the warm color that you
become when
the sun dances freely
upon your skin

how could I explain
that my favorite color
rests in the pink hue of your lips?

I told you I didn’t have one
because I have many
and they all are you.

You didn’t how to swim but you couldn’t resist taking laps in between my hips
Do you taste the color of my skin when you sink deep up in it?

And then you float back to the surface, baptized in my purpose
You praise and you worship then go back to immersion.
I’m amazed by the grace on your beautiful face as you tell me about my Brown skin and the way that it tastes.

I really try so hard
I have walked through hell in silence
Reciting prayers in my head
The bottoms of my feet burnt
The clothes on my back singed
Tears don’t even get the chance to meet the top of my cheek
I keep walking
Different chapters of my life
Trying to prove myself
I’m worthy
I’m worth it
I’m worthy
I’m worth it
And I’m the only one who sees
Even blinded by the ash

I pray to God the sun can hear me
When I tell it that it’s beautiful
I think it’s because
I know what it’s like to provide for people
Who bask in my light
And never bother to see me
For all that I am

You felt like the first sip of champagne on a Sunday morning
Real crisp like
The first paint stroke on a blank canvas you felt like
Art
So let me know
Did you make it to your destination
When everything went downhill
Cause I’m in the same spot that you left me
Listening to mix tapes with mixed feelings
On the first verse of the last song
I hit replay
When you move
I hit replay
I move
And hit replay
You drew me close
And then asked for space when
I wanted to give you the galaxy
Now distance
Doesn’t seem so far fetched
I don’t want to give up on the vision
So I’ll paint you in a poem
Picture perfect
Maybe here we’ll last

I think they want to keep it a secret

I don’t think they want you to know

that the
sun rises
and
sets in your soul

you are the light I have
always wanted
and the
warmth from the cold

the first time we met
you looked at me
and I swear
I saw the milky way
floating on your
iris
and I haven’t stopped
loving the sky ever since

they don’t want you to know
that God hid prophecies in your heart
I heard them once when
I laid on your chest

you make me want to write
scripture

they never wanted you to know
that evil trembles
with every step that
you take

you put one foot in front of the other
and it sounds like
our ancestors banging drums
made out of tree stumps

you were never supposed to know

that power is in your lips
everything you speak
is

you, are
the universe- love

can you not see it, when you look in the mirror?

I feel my earth shatter
when you question yourself
because they should have told you

that you are everything

capable of anything

and everything is you

if I talk to someone and they don’t answer
is it considered a conversation
if I talk to God and He doesn't answer
is it considered a prayer


how many times must I
walk through the valley
of the shadow
of death
before I fear no evil

if you know my heart God
why do you let it break
and how many times
do my fingertips have to bleed
from picking up the pieces

why don’t you talk back

have you grown tired of my tears
I memorize the lines they make
on my cheeks
like roadmaps
that might lead me to you
until they fall off the bottom of my face
and dissipate on my pillow

I just need an answer

just one

because if you don’t hear me, God
I don’t think anyone ever will

if I talk to someone and they don’t answer
is it considered a conversation

if I talk to God and He don’t answer
is it considered a prayer

The inspiration comes in waves
Sometimes
It’s weak
Wrapped around my ankles
Begging at my feet
Other times
It’s strong enough to
Take me under with it
Filling my lungs to capacity
With creativity
I have no choice but to
Spit
When I surface