I remember,
When I was young
I was a princess-
Not in the conventional sense
However.
I wanted to grow up
And become-
Not royalty-
Especially not
The Queen.
No, what I wanted to be
Was the vicious and coldblooded
Dragon
That can destroy everything
Without worrying
About someone greater
And fiercer coming along
To stop me.

Even if
You just went back 5 years

You would clearly
Be able to observe
That I was a fawn-
Still just a little princess.
Who can say when
This drastic transformation
Transpired?

I must have started sleeping
With my limbs dangling hazardously
Over the edge of the bed
Near the void-
Because I know well enough
Something profane did
Creep up from the darkness
Into me-
And now there is
No
Going back.

I mounted
These vapors
And took to the atmosphere.
I soared
Up
And up
And up
Until my problems
Were no longer my problems
And I ceased loving.

You’d better believe that
I am
Gulping these flames
And these infernos
Are, in fact,
Licking away at my insides.
I am a great serpent  
Borne from something unholy-
Guarding my heart
In a haze of smoke.

There was surely a time
When I was light
And morality
But
Somewhere along the way,
I stopped caring
Took in the dark
And the fire
To fuel my own desires.

But evidently,
I am not the merciless drake
I so anticipated becoming.
Because just the other day
I was terror and dread-
And today
I feel no larger
Than a teacup.

Here I was,
Deluding myself
Into thinking
That I am a fireball
Capable of extinguishing cities.
When lately,
Every night
I contract into myself
Fighting to keep warmth
In my heart
Before I freeze solid again
Because they tell you
To light a fire within yourself
In order to keep warm
But
They never tell you
That sometimes
It can scorch pits into your ribcage.