Jan 2020
Grief on wings of the White Dove
With an olive branch hanging
From her beak.
My heart expanding
Yearning to burst open
Into expressions of mourning.
Grief expanding into mourning
I lost you!
My inner feelings crying
Thoughts, punctuated with deep sighs.
Tears, watering the branches
Lying at my feet.
Crying, outside of my self
Longing for you...
So, many tones of agony...
Pouring out of my heart.
The songs of longing
Music welling up
From deep behind my eyes.
Writing, sharing, feeling, expressing
Art of the heart seeking release
Each anniversary
The day you died
The month afterwards
Each month…2, 3, 4, 5...
Your birthday
The first day, of the sixth month.
The usual Christmas tree celebration
Did not happen.
No popcorn stringer
With gummi bears and gum drops
No snow man soup
No gingerbread house …
My heart so heavy
My limbs were numb.
Oh, I miss your quite
Knowing humor
The gilt in your eyes
One year…two years
7 months & 19 days ago
Around 10 pm….
I still feel the sting
Of hearing the news
Brother, speaking, describing
I not wanting to hear, " ... he's gone ..."
It just did not feel real!
No, it can't be…
NO! Not STEPHAN!!!!!!!!!!
Lord, NO! Please no!!
I picked up my pen
To scribble the notes…
I needed to see!
I needed to read!!!
I needed to write it all!!!
And when I reread it
I cried! …Sobbing…..
It became the way
To express my grief
My sorrow
My pain.
As the pain poured out
Out come what was left unresolved.
It helped to quiet my soul.
I could feel you
As I asked questions
And the answers
Poured and poured outward.
Pain flowed out
As understanding
Entering my heart.
Flying this path
Healing in my way
At the helm of my love
I reach toward you
Issue by issue
Understanding by understanding
Through rain, sleet and storm
My heart, calming
Though, a little unsteady...
Shaking
Hold on to me
I am a little unsteady.
Through their Misconceptions
I affirmed that - grief is okay
Yet when mourning
Some still say, "Just get on with it."
No orderly stages
Neither up or nor down?
It Spirals round
In and through.
With the hand of Understanding
My heart, now stands in awe..
So this is compassion!
As the key to the lock
Opens the door
The Dove flying freely
A fledgling peeks above the edge
Of the mud
Of straw and twigs.
I thought he few away
My spirit left mourning
The light dimmed
On this plane
Yet he lives!
My son lives!
His Light Shining
As the Inner Compass
Points the Way.
Now forever
Heart to heart
I embrace my son
It is much deeper now
All the unresolved floating up
As White Feathers Rising
Toward the Sun.
Toward the Light
And the White Dove her sang of joy
Honoring the Red Rose
Of our Serenity.
With an olive branch hanging
From her beak.
My heart expanding
Yearning to burst open
Into expressions of mourning.
Grief expanding into mourning
I lost you!
My inner feelings crying
Thoughts, punctuated with deep sighs.
Tears, watering the branches
Lying at my feet.
Crying, outside of my self
Longing for you...
So, many tones of agony...
Pouring out of my heart.
The songs of longing
Music welling up
From deep behind my eyes.
Writing, sharing, feeling, expressing
Art of the heart seeking release
Each anniversary
The day you died
The month afterwards
Each month…2, 3, 4, 5...
Your birthday
The first day, of the sixth month.
The usual Christmas tree celebration
Did not happen.
No popcorn stringer
With gummi bears and gum drops
No snow man soup
No gingerbread house …
My heart so heavy
My limbs were numb.
Oh, I miss your quite
Knowing humor
The gilt in your eyes
One year…two years
7 months & 19 days ago
Around 10 pm….
I still feel the sting
Of hearing the news
Brother, speaking, describing
I not wanting to hear, " ... he's gone ..."
It just did not feel real!
No, it can't be…
NO! Not STEPHAN!!!!!!!!!!
Lord, NO! Please no!!
I picked up my pen
To scribble the notes…
I needed to see!
I needed to read!!!
I needed to write it all!!!
And when I reread it
I cried! …Sobbing…..
It became the way
To express my grief
My sorrow
My pain.
As the pain poured out
Out come what was left unresolved.
It helped to quiet my soul.
I could feel you
As I asked questions
And the answers
Poured and poured outward.
Pain flowed out
As understanding
Entering my heart.
Flying this path
Healing in my way
At the helm of my love
I reach toward you
Issue by issue
Understanding by understanding
Through rain, sleet and storm
My heart, calming
Though, a little unsteady...
Shaking
Hold on to me
I am a little unsteady.
Through their Misconceptions
I affirmed that - grief is okay
Yet when mourning
Some still say, "Just get on with it."
No orderly stages
Neither up or nor down?
It Spirals round
In and through.
With the hand of Understanding
My heart, now stands in awe..
So this is compassion!
As the key to the lock
Opens the door
The Dove flying freely
A fledgling peeks above the edge
Of the mud
Of straw and twigs.
I thought he few away
My spirit left mourning
The light dimmed
On this plane
Yet he lives!
My son lives!
His Light Shining
As the Inner Compass
Points the Way.
Now forever
Heart to heart
I embrace my son
It is much deeper now
All the unresolved floating up
As White Feathers Rising
Toward the Sun.
Toward the Light
And the White Dove her sang of joy
Honoring the Red Rose
Of our Serenity.
Two years, seven months and 19 days ago my son passed away. It is just today, that I have been able to write about the full process of coming to serenity from the first screaming shocking news of my son's death.
For the first time, I have posted without tears, only the deep love and peace I am feeling by feeling his Spirit near. In death, our loved ones do not go so far away. They only cross over to another dimension. My ancestors have taught me that they are still close by.. It is comforting to me, to know that the family we travel with, to learn and progress with, are still with us. Even after they have shed the glove know as "the body."
For the first time, I have posted without tears, only the deep love and peace I am feeling by feeling his Spirit near. In death, our loved ones do not go so far away. They only cross over to another dimension. My ancestors have taught me that they are still close by.. It is comforting to me, to know that the family we travel with, to learn and progress with, are still with us. Even after they have shed the glove know as "the body."
