I can't understand why
I cant let him in
Hes been nothing but kind
But I'm stuck in my own skin

How could he see me
As beautiful and brave?
I've lived in this body long enough
And believe me it always caves.

He can't look at me without smiling
And its contagious, I do the same
I want to know so much more about him
What he hides from the world, what makes him afraid.

I want to let my walls down for him
But I'm so afraid to let him in
I'm actually a lot to handle most days
When he sees the real me theres no way I'll win

I keep telling him I am messy
I'm not sure he understands what that really means
How can I explain how most days I hate myself
And there are days I feel like I'm torn apart inside of me.

How do I let someone new in
With all the baggage I come along with
I'm not sure where to even begin
I should probably just quit.

If theres one thing I'm good at
Its self destruction at best
I know hes gonna see that soon.
I guess for now I'll give it a rest.