Why do I break everything I touch?
It's almost as if my fingers are razor blades  

But that's not even the worst part.
The worst part is the words that come out of my mouth
After my heart feels like it's been torn into shreds by your blades.

And baby even that, that's not even the worst part.
The worst part is I cant even tell
If my thoughts are real
If my feelings are rational

Baby please help me because sometimes I get lost in my own mind

Theres demons that live up there and they take over sometimes.

It's hard for me to know,
To tell the difference

Between a feeling that deserves to be felt
And a feeling that shouldn't really be there.

I've spent the better part of my life being told that what I feel isnt real.

I've spent the last 4 years questioning myself,
And quite frankly my whole life.

Desperately trying to figure out
Whether I deserve to feel this way

Or somehow I've asked for this.

Did I create this darkness myself?

Does my mind somehow convince me that everything and everyone
In this world
Is only going to hurt me?

Is it my fault if it does?

I wish I had the wisdom
And the rational

Between reality
And insanity

Baby please believe me when I tell you

"I didnt ask to be this way ! I want a way out I want an escape. I don't want to feel this way tonight, tomorrow, or ever again!"

I've tried to explain
Theres no quick fix to this.

Theres trauma.
There's questions unanswered.
Memories blocked out to help
Avoid the pain.

But a person can only handle this constant
"I hate you."
"I love you."
"Don't leave me."

For so long
Before they crack too.

Have I weighed you down too
With this awful demon.
While trying to fight off my own?