I care
I care so much it hurts
I care about the little things
The way his eyes light up when he talks about something he loves
The way he tells jokes and stories
Laughing so much he can't get the words out
The way he smiles when we hold hands and dance together
Even if it's just for show
I care so much about things most people don't even notice
But I care about the big things too
Things most everyone sees, but fails to address
The way his eyes are now, dull and void of life
The way he jokes about hating himself and wanting death
In a way that makes me think he really means it
The way his face is permanently frozen in the same weary expression, now that I can't make him laugh
Or even smile
I care about all these things, and they scare me
Because what if I'm right
About the way he feels
Because I don't know how to fix it, how to make him smile again
How to make his eyes light up the world like they used to
Because what if there's suddenly nothing more to notice, nothing more to care about
Because it's all gone
Because he's all gone
And nothing I did made a difference