I stare in the mirror,
But my brown eyes very pointedly avoid my reflection.
Instead I allow my sunset eyes
To pour into the cracks at the edges of the glass.
Not enough damage to the mirror to consider it broken,
Therefore not enough damage to consider it bad luck.

I stare into the scrapes, cracks, and scratches,
Until I see someone I have always been familiar with.
I may be even more familiar with this person
Than I am with myself.

My eyes lock
With what
Almost
Was.

Yes, the Almost!me.
The Not!me.
The Could-have-been!me.
The Just-Wasn't!me.

I am very familiar with her/him/they.

She is athletic, and only smiles when people are around.
He is talented, and his hands are always covered in a thin-to-moderate layer of graphite.
Their favorite color is spit-fire red, and they've seen too much for their age, but they love even more.

See, there are a lot of differences between me and those versions of me,
Like how she has a cute golden blush to her cheeks,
Or how he has a fondness for sunny days and blue skies,
Or that they always pull their friends in for a warm hug before they say goodbye.

But the one major difference is:

When I look at rain clouds,
I see all the potential that rain has to offer,
Not the destruction of my plans.

When my life takes a turn for the worse,
I see my loved ones as a reason to stick around,
Not as reasons to pack up and leave.

The difference is
When I said that I didn't want to be alive anymore,
I had someone who wanted to protect me from myself.

The difference is
When I said I didn't want to be alive anymore,
I was give at least five reasons to stay.

The difference is
When I said I didn't want to be alive anymore,
I had people who loved me that had the guts to try to convince me that I might want to rethink that statement.

So I wave goodbye,
I clean off the mirror,
And I turn off the lights to the bathroom as I walk out.

Each time I walk past my reflection for the rest of the day,
I make eye contact with myself,
As a way of saying
"Thank you for staying."
A way of saying
"Thank you for surviving."
A way of saying
"Thank you for trying to live."
and then
"I really needed that today."

See, the big difference between me and all the almost!me's, is that I am here,
Very firmly and very stubbornly above ground,
Despite my past efforts.
And they...
They are not.

The biggest difference between me and the me that wasn't,
Is that they just weren't.
And I am.

I am.