What if I wanted to admit something,
searching within myself
for an excuse to unravel the truth
to put down on paper how I pull the first thread

What If  I were braver?
unaffected by your ears and voices
your brash, unwavering opinions
be completely free from the cares of your judgment

What if I were louder?
Screaming and shouting
my love from all of the rooftops
and top floors of
the tallest towers in NYC
then everyone could finally hear my voice

I can be big
wild and dream freely
alone in my room
hidden and out of sight
from the peering eyes of the world
the cruelty of the world, aghast
leaving my mouth agape

But I had better try
because if not now --
when?

All in due time
and the time is now.