Just when you believed you have reached way passed death, to where you understand all the details in life and all your demons love you, after that calm is over, the storm has just started I have found out. Now you believed you had every ****** tide mapped out, you could pause time and study situations as if you had a god's view of everything.. be able to see past, present, and future.. Life just started to seem so ******* simple.. and humans just seemed so boring.. You would annoy the hell out of the spirit world to just find something that would maybe feed your mind so you could learn something new or even for entertainment.. yet even that was starting to have dead-ends and the picture was so plain.. there had to be more to it.. now to make you happy your tossed in such a complex puzzle that everything is not 1+1.. and you start to believe that it has no meaning and that your just truly in hell.. a never ending void.. of simple problems which normally would be so easy to fix.. but the answers just won't ******* add up.. you do everything like normal, but your feeling so weak, too weak to ever be able to do it.. and you find your true love through all the haze.. but you are so stuck on all this **** you can't seem to figure out anymore.. which seems to be backwards with this world your in now.. and it makes no sense.. yet you haven't come this far despite your issues and the drama to let her slip away.. but now she is starting to not like a single piece of what she fell in-love with.. every moment of all you do is just to make her happy.. yet this world just has its fangs dug deep into your soul that no matter what the drama and stress circles you.. as if it doesn't want you to be happy.. that evil creature wants to take you down and make you look so horrible while doing it that you even start to believe you deserve it for not being strong enough to be yourself.. and with all these cloudy memories you don't even remember who you were.. It is funny as that has always been your goal to be who you once was, striving for your younger godlike self... but now you just wish to have peace and rest, wishing it would end sometimes.. but somehow my heart survived all this and seems so pointless to even have sometimes.. but I still care and love hoping that some of this backwards karma shines a little light on me sometimes.. but **** even if I am in this horrible place lost as **** I still get to make moments with this wonderful girl and her two beautiful daughters..