As I look in the mirror and say good bye
I look around and I begin to cry
I call myself a coward
Just do it I yell to myself.
I ask if it was easier for the others
It can’t be such a bad option if so many others have done it
It will protect the people I love
From the monsters inside of me
I want to do it so I can finally be free
Somethings holding me back though
Don’t know who or what it is
I can’t explain the feeling
You might call it love but it’s something more than that.
Religious people might say it’s god
But I stopped believing a long time age so how can it be that?
Am I cursed so I can only leave by natural means?
I know I want to leave or do I
Why can’t I do it?
It shouldn’t have to be hard
After all so many people do it
Am I not good enough?
Am I to cowardly?
I want to scream
I want to shout
I want to punch something or someone
I want to end this ocean of pain
I want to end this misery
All this and more I think to myself
My thoughts are racing around my head
I wish I could stop them
Freeze time so I can do it
Bring someone back who can tell me what it’s like
Bring someone I love to convince me to do it
Will the person I love even do that
Or will she tell me it’s not worth it and to stay for her
If she tells me to stay I don’t think I could listen
I don’t think I’d be able to bear it
I don’t want to live this life anymore
I don’t want to live this destiny
It’s been going on for too long