He had dark curly hair
And always-smiling eyes
Everytime I picture him now
He grins at me

But he's long gone now
Taken by the wind of youth
And family
Removed from my side
As time was passing

If I were to see him again
There's no telling what I would do
Would I cry?
Would I ignore him?

He was my best friend
But he's gone again
As if I never knew him
As if we were never friends

He was smaller than me
Now he's taller than me
He's always been smarter than me
He'll always be younger than me
He'll always be one more thing
My baby brother

there are three white chairs
two black
one red
there are four grey tables
one here
three over there
the boys sit in the red and black
the girls sit on the white
the teacher stands at the front
the lesson is taught on the big white board
the floor is covered in red carpet
the door is made of wood
there are two tissue boxes
one blue
one green
there are four grey cabinets
two black
two white
the walls are made of plaster
they are slathered in white paint
the boxes consist of cardboard
none of the students has red hair
only one has blonde
the teacher is the redhead
the room is complete

Are they paying attention?
Do they notice how I
Avoid them?
Do they catch me staring?
Do they spy the way I walk?
Do they hear the way I talk?
Did they see my little freak outs?
Did they watch the way I waved?
Are they paying attention?
Do they stare without shame?
I want them to notice.
I want them to see.
I want them care enough
To catalog it in their brains.
I want them to comment.
I want them to speak.
I want them to like me enough
To say what's on their minds.

Are you paying attention?
Do you notice how I
Avoid you?
Do you catch me staring?
Do you spy the way I walk?
Do you hear the way I talk?
Did you see my little freak outs?
Did you watch the way I waved?
Are you paying attention?
Do you stare without shame?
Could you?

He's watching me
Over my shoulder
Reading what I type
He's watching me
Looking at the notes
Glancing at the story
He's watching me
I'm not sure
Is he trying to make me squirm
He's watching me
I'm tense
And uncomfortable
He's watching me
Inside I am
Begging him to leave
He's watching me
Please
Please leave me alone
He's watching me
I'm starting to feel stupid
For working on this book
He's watching me
Not anymore
He's turned back to his paper
He's leaving me alone
He's not watching me

He is the catch in my breath
The beat of my heart
He loves me for reasons
I cannot tear apart
He is old denim jeans
And the way that he smells
Is as familiar to me
As my own cells
He is my only
My guardian love
Our love is so true
I am his dove
His hands protect me
His arms hold me so strong
No one has told me
That our love is wrong

Head in my hands
What have I done
The continuous question
I cannot outrun
I cannot let go
Of this thing
I have done
It hurts me
It haunts me
It knows it has won
I cannot let go
Of this thing
I have done
It fills up my head
It blocks all my sleep
I am constantly waking
I have tried counting sheep
No one else knows
This thing
I have done
I refuse to tell them
What I've become
This monster inside me
Has now broken out
He destroys and consumes
He knows nothing else
He takes over me
Without concern for himself
I am unable to stop him
He is too strong
My thoughts are quite grim
The monster inside me
Has made me very dim