Is it Love  
              
                   if
I Feel
like
I'm  
breaking

                   Apart?

"She had a mind
that he was not ready for
behind that pretty little face."

I still miss the way you looked at me
with that tantalized look in your eye.

I wish that I could have been your fairytale,
and you could have been mine.

I'm fighting for my mind,
I'm fighting to not break apart
and to not be blind.

You broke me most with the words you didn't say.

I had to convince myself to fall out of love to someone who was mean to me.

I get the picture

This isn't your first time breaking someone's heart

I had unspoken expectations for what was going to happen with us.
And that's honestly not your fault.

I cut it off so cleanly, but it was like a knife.
I cut it off so cleanly, but I couldn't stop looking backwards at the division I had made.

All of a sudden things shifted- you didn't put up a fight.

I wanted you to put up a fight.

The subtle cries, the sarcastic hurt.
But she was there the whole time- I didn't know about her.

So how dare you- how dare you act like I was your dream
When you made her believe you were her's.

I think I’m stronger than any drug you tried

Cause I survived

The in and out again

I know I’m not your friend

Cause I was only worth the high

Your high

And I’m in and out again

Cause I know I’m not your friend

I’m the only one feeling tied

This is one hell of a love song

Finding I’m the one in love

This is one flash of a heartbreak

Finding pieces to pick up

And you are

Fading into the darkness

I remind myself you don’t give a ****

I was the one in love

I don't want to be afraid

I don't want to write out how I feel one more time and not press send

I don't want to keep wondering what you're thinking

I don't want to pull back from doing what I love just because it's rare

I don't want to stop writing

I don't want to be scared

I don't want to feel this much- but I do

I don't want to be so afraid from pursing my dream because of the position my grandfather has assumed

I don't want to wonder what it's like to love- I want to love people til I can see it

I want to pray more- because if I am loved, I want to believe it

I don't want to be afraid

And this is what I'd say to the next girl:

Don't get close enough for him to tell you you're worth something.

Because at some point, the roles will be reversed
And you'll be left wondering what he's worth

And the only message you'll hear is silence.

But maybe this is a lesson in how not to hate someone who doesn't hate you, doesn't love you, doesn't care.

Because this is what he's taught you: that you are only worth his time under certain parameters.

You made me feel butterflies

Contingent on the harsh reality that

I wasn't exactly what you wanted

But for a moment I thought I was