When I wake up in the morning I can feel my back bone break with every step I take it sends signals to my brain telling me just to lay back down don't get up it won't hurt if you stay here with me. In bed. So please...? Stay? And deep in my brain I'm asking what's wrong with me ? Your bones shouldn't break.

I am getting so weak my knees want to give out on me when I try to walk. My shoulders slouch when I stand and I try to straighten them out but they remain the same. I try to fill this empty space with a cigarette between my lips because the memory of you is all that I have left and the thought of what could have been. I hate that I have a slouch when I stand and that my knees are getting to weak to carry me I am trying. You told me to let you go. So I did. I try and ask myself if you really loved me but i think I wanted love from you so bad I tricked myself into believing what you gave was. I will always remember this day. Please know that my slouch is temporary I will fix my slouch so that I stand tall and people see that I am bright and confident and no longer will I have the aching knees and slouch when I stand.

To the ghost who's touch still lingers. I have your name set as ghost in my phone and everytime I see your contact I try not to slouch because I don't want to feel weak. You still haunt me.

I hold my heart in my hand and some times I blame myself because I give love to easy and because I love to hard but most the time I tell myself it's a beautiful thing so someone knows I love them with all of me so when they/ if they ever feel like they weren't or aren't loved they are by me I have so much love to give but I wish most I could love myself like the love I make others feel

Me and my family are going down the highway again the day after you broke up with me I was okay till I noticed it was the same road that held my tears for me. my face was a blank canvas and when I tried to smile again I couldn't I felt my stomach knot up and my head full of memory's and moments we had sometimes I like to remember how your hand fit in mine and how your body fit perfectly against me no imperfections as I like to say but I know we had a problem we though it was okay we'd make it but I being a boy and you being a girl who's in love with girls couldn't handle it I thought love was over anything even a "preference " I was still the same person just not a girl. Sometimes I blame myself and I smoked a whole cigarette down to the filter I never thought I'd do it but lately My minds a tornado ruining everything I am I don't ever think I'll stop thinking about you your name is imprinted into my memory I will never forget you.

I'm sad that you could only call me Avery or use the right pronouns when we broke up. God you found it so hard to let ("him") or Avery slip off your tongue because you were holding onto someone who's been dead for a while now. I'm a boy and you knew it hoping/praying dear gods please not "(her)" please.. But I am. I am the sin you were praying could be prayed away. And now my heart hurts. Because I'm the sin that couldn't be prayed away and God those are the worst ones and I'm sorry.

I can still feel your kiss on my lips. I can feel you always. I get sad.

My body is only a house to hole what I need and it's falling apart it needs repairs but I don't know how to make them

In my head I'm sitting on a rock high above a beach enjoying everything  life has to offer. And as I look around I look down... I see an anchor attached to my ankle and out of nowhere it pulled me out into the sea I tried to pull myself back on to shore but it pulled me down to far I am drowning in everything I was supposed to be and enjoy .

I think I'm the saddest I've ever been. I've never felt so much hate towards myself before. A feeling I told myself I'd never feel. I feel lost.

I can still feel you it's like you never left I can still feel your small soft fingers running along my back sending chills through me and your soft voice humming beautiful songs to me as I listen I listen hard the hardest I've ever listened and I notice that I am home and I know you aren't supposed to depend on anyone to make you happy because only you can do that but I did it and it tore me apart you were my home and now I am homeless laying here.
And I am so sorry for everything please take it easy on yourself because she was home and never once did you think you were going to be homeless.

I avoided cigarettes because it kills your insides I have so many of them and have talked myself out of smoking them every time I often think going on my roof and sitting at the ledge and lighting and inhaling the poison to **** my insides I don't know why I haven't I'm not scared to die

All I see is beauty as your eyes fill with joy whenever you have something to tell me how when you hug me it feels more home then the house I live in it's amazing how a person can make another person feel so much