you can't help those who refuse to listen

and after one or two or twenty packs of cigarettes

i guess you could call it addiction.

when i look into your eyes i don't see shades of blue

instead intoxication

a little boy with ******, drunken lips completely shaken

wanting to undo or maybe break through

everything he's attached to

Intermittently I gander upon the vault of heaven

and in uncertainty

ask her if she comprehends me more then I, myself.

"I do not understand,"

I elucidate to her.

Looking beyond the bleak high seas

to try and inquire something more about myself I might have misplaced.

I do not understand the throbbing laceration that consumes my precious humanity.

Who could fathom this foreign species as it enters you,

Replenishing your helpless heart

As you forever reverie of touching lips.

Frowning at my deliberation

I stuff my scrutiny back into a simple heart shaped locket

Tossing the key

Until I find the impotent longing to dig it up again.

"Will I ever understand?"

I ask her once more.

Her eyes were now dense with the discerning fog of sorrow.

She seemed to be apologizing

As I wallowed beneath her vast stretch of glory.

"I'm sorry, my child."

She whispered.

"Your aching is the crumbling of the skeleton that encloses your understanding."

tears drown & swallow my sacrifice whole while

twisting & tearing

my bleeding heart.

ever so gently scratching;

eating away the seeds

that have been planted

while we were apart

difficult to distinguish bad from good

i blow you my trust in a kiss

soft as satin;

shivering in fear

someone else could hold you dear

that you'll slip away

or worse yet you'll leave my mind

or wander astray from these weary eyes

begging for someone

anyone else

as anger rages like a tornado inside

and i swear on my life

that this will be the last time

the aching buried in my dreams want this to be the last time

the numbness in my soul i crave for

knows it wont be the last time.

wishing things were different

so i didnt have to argue

or stumble into knives

that drive down our spines

swearing up and down

we wished we hadnt met

or danced

thinking it will solve

pools of regret.

grazing cold fingers

down the sides of my cheeks again

i feel something break

plummeting

into a billion peices on your ***** bed

along with the rest of your life you dont care about.

arrogance seems to be your best feature

admitting there is no point explaining

what you already know

and choose to ignore.

you sit back content

wanting nothing more

staring with a blank expression as my bleeding heart

falls to the floor.

im hiding in all the places i promised you i would never go again
im singing the lullabys that remind me of old friends
but mostly just you
and your face, that was never blue
only on two occasions i had to see you cry
and i held you lovingly, promising i would never say goodbye
i guess i lied.
that's exactly what i did
im not going to fib
ripping out another rib as the days drag by
slowly, miserably, never by surprise