I just went for a mountain bike ride
and remembered
we had always planned to do that
then i remembered
You hate me
Because i owed you something
But cant remember
What it was

i tried to colonize
your vast expanse
running low on oxygen
still took a chance

too long in deep space
living in zero g's
your bones became brittle
spine lost rigidity

screaming into the vacuum
but never heard your plea
the sad old tales
of self loathing and pity

or maybe you always knew
it would fall on deaf ears
your stronger than you think
but crippled by fear

still trying to colonize
your vast expanse
poised for the moment
given the chance

she told me to never question
things i don't understand
accept it for what it is
just take my hand

so i threw down the sword
gave up the fight
for a four year test of faith
and some dark *** nights

i was guided by doubt
feelings unexplained
this could destroy me
with nothing to gain

still i stayed true to course
with everything uncertain
there i had my first glimpse
when she peeled back the curtain

*now go write a sappy love poem
or better yet a song
how when you first saw my light
and it was there all along

i tossed you a line
before you were consumed
but you kicked and screamed
and sank further

own your mess
live it for awhile
embrace the pain
walk the mile

i know it hurts
it always will

the next time
you're thrown a line
just be still

dreams can deceive
distort reality
exposing weakness
for all to see

dreams can inspire
if properly controlled
nurture with respect
a seed well sown

so follow your dreams
false promises bluffing
see how far it gets you
or end up with nothing

wanted it all
without discretion
until there was nothing
left to give

never thankful
for what you had
until there was nothing
left to posess

you searched so far
but never up close
the always elusive
at the tip of your nose

those flowers died
still i tried
to water
Expecting
Something more
And wondering
Why i bother

golden nails painted
dirt borders ingrained
pounded into crevices
impenetrable
derelict
He knows what's up
rolling backwards
wheelchair throne
Evading stare
phlegm cackle
Hey man that's the ****
Don't lower your eyes to me
I'm so close to that
Being you
One slip away
I want to be that
majestic

such an efficient machine
slicing dicing and grinding
me in between
poor choices
bad calls
sharp edges and blades
another casualty
to your lack of accountability
yet you seem unscathed

the perfect mark
underbelly exposed
a man-sized target
predisposed
be patient must wait
begging teasing tempting
as i draw you closer
to take the bait
what are you searching for i ask?
everything and more you reply
but there is one exclusion
you must believe my lies

the times they tough
but we'll get through it
the times are tough
but we'll get by

the times they tough
but let's get to it
we all doin' our
best

Hide in your shell
Little hermit
Crab
Isolate retract
Pick at the
Scab
Vulnerable scared
Outside your
Home
Shrivel in the sun
Die
Alone

You fed me dreams
I was voracious
Filling a void
Spacious

Time now to focus
Power up with
Steak and eggs
Cut me loose
Don't make me beg

I took the gmat
Wrote a.killer essay
Just got accepted
To the UW MBA

Maybe come up for air
In the fall of 2019
To mourn the loss
Of what could have been

This task in front of me
It all becomes clear
You can't be around
At.least for the next 2 years

If you've never burnt the candle
At both ends
You'll never know when to break
Or how far
You can bend

living a lie
split in two
a secret reality
created by you

course correction
going 90 in fifth
gotta block those thoughts
with a louder exhaust

maximize horsepower
before i lose it all
so much at stake
need a high flow intake

living a lie
split down the middle
need some major upgrades
for the fantasy to continue