Overdose
I'm often taken back,
to the moment you were lost.
I can't help myself from asking,
could you have known the cost?

The pain was hard to handle,
it grew deep inside of you.
sweet relief knocked at your door,
but its promise was untrue.

Its visits started slowly,
then its power quickly grew.
blinded by its pleasure,
it warmed you through and through.

At first I made excuses,
for all the heartache that you caused.
your past  had not been perfect
and you struggled with its flaws.

I knew that I could fix you,
if I learned to do things right.
so I came to your rescue,
and attacked with all my might.

But the evil built up strength,
sometimes tearing me inside out.
the lies and disappointments,
helped to feed into my doubt.

The demon was persistent,
and haunted you at night.
breaking any self control,
by using all its might.

My heart shattered to pieces,
as I watched you  disappear.
the person looking back at me,
saw a future that he feared.

Then that bitter call came in,
on a gorgeous winter day.
the sun that shined so brightly,
quickly turned to grey.

There were so many questions,
we never got the facts.
emotions got the best of me,
my heart fought to relax.

The guilt was hard to handle,
as I faced it day to day.
blaming myself harshly,
because I hadn't known the way.

I struggled to find peace,
and prayed to God above,
begging for forgiveness,
and needing all his love.

The words spoke to me softly,
and the truth took root within.
the grievous battle, that was lost,
was never mine to win.

I was often
envious
of those that knew which road to choose,
walking it like a familiar memory,
while I would stumble and fall.

I blindly moved forward.
Sometimes taking too long,
to pick myself up,
bruised and scraped
backtracking
wandering
and
making up for lost time
in both lightness  
and
overwhelming darkness

I would pray for a sign,
a compass
to give me direction,
as the sun and moon
exchanged glances

But somewhere along my journey,
envy went missing
and
now I often pass by those
that knew their way-
voraciously attempting
to trace their steps
back to the road they came from

Searching
for the wrong turn they made
ragged
blinded
by
their mistakes

As I look back at the view
of my trail
from where I have risen
after every fall
and I see my bruises and scrapes
that created a map

I notice its key
identifying pitfalls and battlegrounds
mountaintops
valleys
and  
rivers that flow effortlessly

and I find myself
at peace.

The
scariest
place to be
is on the
          edge...

                         the precipice
                             between
        keeping it together
                    and falling
                    into
          the abyss

Knowing
      that when you fall
you
    fall
a
l
o
n
e

I look at you
and I whisper
a prayer

hoping you'll
reveal
that smile.....
                      slightly twisted

the one
that pulled me in....
                    begging for understanding

that smile
like
the moon to the tide....
                      gravitational
                                 forever changing

leaving me breathless...
                      surrendering
                                  all control