When the sun
Hits the ground,
My world
Starts running.

Go to sleep, ****, ****, ****.
**** and sleep. Bleed and weep.

Stop.
Examine yourself.
Am I safe?
If yes, ****.
If no, yes.
Change positions.
Am I safe enough right now?

Check on that thought. Is it ok? Can it live here? Will it **** me?
No? No. No...

No...

Say alive. Say it.
Stay astride giant tantamounts of muse, Icarus flew too soon.

Silence freak. The silence freak.
Science, cheap talk, pseudospirituality.
Shut up that mouth, babbling on and on and off.
Off. Offal in the pig soup broth.

Charm her. Charm her. What else?
Charmed her. What else? Shut up, that's all.
Shut up and enjoy life fully, be abundant, free, intelligent, silent.
Keep it in the pants. Keep inside your ******* pants.

Feel the need to breed. The need to spill obscenities. You breathe in every other scream, to **** in dry, **** and dry, blow out all the seeds.

Aw **** my eye. Right in my eye. 1st contact. Claimed. In the Name.
Oh his Father, His Son, His Holy Zeitgeist.


Bigger words make a happy family. Tipping urns spill the trappings of the elite. Learn from our mistakes. Do not mistake taste. For feeling unafraid.

Goodbye, goodbye, I'm off the **** and sleep. The dose was too high, got right in my eyes, and several bars later the rhythm has faded and no tears are left with which to weep.

Pose for me. so that I can write a poem about you.
So that I can be inspired.
       So regal, so gaunt, you're going to be a star
            soon.
       With your death comes your decomposition comes
        your rebirth comes your relive comes your
redeath...comes the death of the Earth. Comes the sun, comes the stars,
-and every time I check back in, you avert your gaze, stoicism,
  god forbid I realize you're interested in anything outside your
own chaos theory about destroying the constitution of
   men by raising them right.
                               But you saw me write that in my mind
                     and now you've switched demeanors to
        the disapproving yet ultimately caring parental.

           It's funny that I rescued a parent
                        in you. (Tried to.)
                 While doing my best to provide (the best of dreams) for both of
                 us, I somehow hit a bump in the road
                 that beat me into awareness.
  Now that I'm awake, I can tell you, you're
            just like me: terrified, alone in your body,
            wrought with worry about the possibility of
             your mind never reaching mine.

Neither of us were well enough prepared for this
   to end so soon.
                   Trust me to share in your discomfort in
                   dying with no true heir.
                  But trust me also that I have become as
                   much you as any progeny could ever be.
                 And know that I do NOT trust you
                 to definitely leave me this time...you've
                  Cheated before.
Made me feel like we really were angels, if only for each
other.    You've crossed me for the last time though.
    Like a bridge, I collapse, and I rise.
               Like a breath I am labored, I fall for you,
                          to mark safe passage.  But I DO NOT WILL
NOT CAN NOT Burn away. You will always pass by way of my support.
You're small again. Like when we were young.
                               I feel like I could hold you in one hand.
  Sometimes it takes a lot to make us realize the magnitude
  of the things we are experiencing. It takes stakes
  for us to see that this is one moment we are sharing
  forever and never again. It takes pains to force us to
put these experiences down in writing, and it takes guts
to know. to know.  to Know.  that this love is worth
   having every ******* second that we breathe.
                           It takes a lot of guts, to know, when you won't be coming







Back.

                                      to a place you call Home.

Because that feeling you were holding onto
                                           went down deep in Earth.
    And up into space.
                             But somehow it's still in you
   when you sleep and dream and wake and eat and breathe and
           live                                and                     die
   and [Move]

                                                         ­                and (swim.)

     Where you belong                        is not a constant.
     Where I belong                              is not fixed down.
     Especially when
                                                what you are, my love
                                                            ­  changes     forms so
                                                              ­               frequently.

                                                    ­                 And you're moving along so fast.
                                                           ­          I couldn't hope to stop you now...

In my moments of release, my letting go of all
attachment to a definition and a romanticized idea
of having a home... In this eulogy of my
origin, I have never felt so complete. I have never
felt so much like a part of something. I have never
felt so close...to a place...to home. My entire
life exists as a fable in the woods. Those trees
that hold so many secrets own me too. I belong to them.
I am a part.
                      "Do not die yet."
                    Only after your whole heart has
                    healed can you prepare for death.
                    Do not give up your precious time
                    here without attempting
                    for this body to get better
                    in every way. For this body is
                    what we learn from and teach through.

You brought me back from
the brink and now I have to carry you
past it.

An inability to write                                                            ­in great
                                                           ­                                          grief

I know you're trying really hard
   to be ok with this.

                            It's fine. You don't
                             have to keep up
                               appearances any longer.

                            I know death is more
                             painful than you thought
                                      it would be.

We all make misjudgements.

        If you were perfect,
             would I have ever
            learned anything from
                                            you?

Fight to the bitter end if
      that's what your instincts are
         telling you. You were always more
       in touch with instincts than I
                                                        was.


    Still searching, but for
          what?
      What secret were you put here
           to reveal that you haven't yet?

      Too large an agenda for such a
             small body.  Some of the
            universe's mysteries will
           stay lost to you as long
                as you remain here on
                           planet Earth.



   This time around    you drink like
        there was no water left on Earth.
                    
                     I guess we both learned
                     to fight against our
                     own self-destruction around
                     the same time.

"Clean yourself up, we gotta go soon,"

keeping together through poetry
not running, but walking, home
the Fall is not so much as a leap
as a gentle floating from Summer
the Heat searing shut wounds
from the bitter chill of
Winter's thrusts,
broken trusts,
tucked guts,
now spreading out in gusts
of feeling in the wind,
the chill of Winter
returning, in tickles
down my spine, my sides,
curling, I twist, and hide.