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 Dec 2021 Zay
Arlo Disarray
sometimes
i can't tell
if it's strength
or weakness
that keeps me here

it's something
i ponder
nearly every night
while
i'm trying
to fall asleep

never afraid
of the dark
but terrified
of the light

holding
and gripping
ugly memories
tight

sleep happens
but i never feel
rested

the vessels
in my eyes
fill with blood
as i attempt
to rub the tears
away
and the salt
tears up my skin,
making it pink
and raw

i've attempted
to heal
with pills
and doctors
who ask me
how
i
feel

but how
do you
explain
the unreal?

that your mother
tore your heart out
and stomped
with her heel

and your
father
blew his brains out
without
telling
you
how
bad
he
feels

i'm left
humming tunes
to songs
that don't exist

while
trying to forget
the memories
i missed

doing my best
not to get ******

but, ****

what the hell
am i
even
still doing here?
 Dec 2021 Zay
AFJ
Honestly.
 Dec 2021 Zay
AFJ
You can sense the sincerity in my breathe when i speak of my tragedies..
i wonder how life would be if i was born living lavishly?..
born with riches, and jewels, a chandelier and marble floor...
curtains, and high ceilings and a kitchen with French decor..

human race;
some of us start off with torn sneakers.
others born with nutritionist, and fitness teachers,
no i'm no preacher..
and no i'm not bashing the privileged..
but why pillage the fallen village, ?
so let me finish.

the human experience.
go to school for 20 years, work for another Thirty.
at best you'll retire at 65 and thats early..
Barely paid your house, finally own your vehicle...
only to enjoy it for a couple years and you see it go??

*** then you get sick, and your dead at Seventy..
who can uncover lifes secrets who has the remedy?
I think its out there somewhere but nobody is telling me..
till then, ill stay humming this silly melody.



-afj.
 Jun 2015 Zay
linda ann hall
I love, regardless
Loving feels complete and not to love feels empty
Joy is a place to be surmounted, not by the faint of heart
Caring is an action, that depletes all sources of glycogen and various energy sugars
It makes me and you strong
Do not give up use your energy stores
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