I just want to be beautiful
Slipping back into depression
I want to see myself in the mirror
Loving the reflection
I feel the pain again
Self loathing isn’t pretty
Criticism
Don’t you think I know all my faults and inadequacies?
I see them and live with them everyday
Disapproving voices in my head
All the others are perfection visually
At least in my eyes
That same question repeated over and over in my mind
Why me?
Trapped in a vicious place where I hate myself
I don’t know how to break the habit
I just want to be beautiful
Slipping back into depression
I want to see myself in the mirror
Loving the reflection
I feel the pain again
Self loathing isn’t pretty

I used to dance.
But when you came here
The music stopped.
I no longer dance
To hold my reflection still
and perfect in your eyes.
When you came here
We would sleep all day,
Exhausted from gazing
at each other amazed.
And it was quiet
As a vacuum.
I only feel rhythm in you.
My heart dances to
the shy pulse in your neck,
But the music has stopped.
I just don't hear it.
I only hear you.
Your words tickle my ears,
Your voice melts honey in my soul,
and in this moment,
To hold my smile in bliss
and carelessness,
I want to dance with you.
I would move slowly to the silence
But you begin to hum.
When you started humming dear,
I'd hoped that the music was gone forever.
I would sway to your sound forever,
for all other sound has
Lost its fervor,
And for music,
My passion is gone.
I do not miss it. I shall not long for it.
All the breath in me is gone to sighs,
My energy, turned to heat.
The music is gone
but I will not long again.
As long as
you are here.

Love is the cure,
for your pain will keep giving birth to more pain
until your eyes constantly exhale love
as effortlessly as your body yields its scent.”

Oh, there are eyes that he can see,
And hands to make his hands rejoice,
But to my lover I must be
Only a voice.

Oh, there are ******* to bear his head,
And lips whereon his lips can lie,
But I must be till I am dead
Only a cry.

Thinking about life;
without love, it is nothing
but a plotless tale.

Your body is a story
waiting to be told.
Secrets unanswered,
treasuses unknown.

Your mind is a temple
treated with respect.
Undying intrest, unknown
effect.

Mystery and magic your
soul screams a release.
As mine is trapped in yours
echo, shattering my peace.

Endless screams of sorrow,
flow through you with fear.
Shattering waking moments,
swollowing back tears.

Dreaming dead, you never wake
And you can never see.
Trapped, darker parts
Forever in misery.

You dream in hope through
mystic fog, a cloud of life.
I die. Painfully. Forgotten
part of your never-ending strife.

Dreaming dead you'll always be,
and so forever shall I.
Waiting for the moment
My memories will die.

You retreat into the darkness
it’s like a shadow cast by sun,
now you’re in the darkness
and the pain has start to come.

Alone it will consume you,
you do not hear a sound
except for shallow breathing.
The pain is all around.

The voices in your head
Remind you, you’re not dead.
Holding on, but barely there.
You do not know your name.
What happens to you makes no difference,
just a shell to hold the pain.

All you do is wait for the sharpness,
to cut into the pain
because if it’s cut it’s all ok,
you’ll survive another day.

You do not cry.
That’s not allowed,
so to take the tears away…
instead of salt there copper
instead of clear it’s red.

Now you sit there
In a pool, the pool of liquid pain.
It’s been done the tears have come,
and now you move into the sun.

you’ve bared the pain,
the tears,
the rain,
and now you’re in the sun.

but in the sun the pains still there,
a reflection of what’s inside.
You know it’s there,
they do not care,
and so you carry on.

But your shadow will still follow,
chained to you by rage.
One day it won’t control you,
till then you’re in it’s cage.

It courses through my veins,
and so I let it out.
By now it fills my heart,
I can not scream or shout.

It drips on to the floor.
Is it real? Is it not?
They cancel out each other,
Where do they end?
Where do they start?

The pain that cuts into my arm
cuts across my heart,
it makes the other disappear.
When will it end?
When will it start?

The only thing that makes it better,
seems to be more pain.
And so I slice into myself,
again, again, again.

It never leaves and stays away
It’s always back for more.
What will I do? I can not stop,
It’s always there, it’s in my heart.

And so I lay there,
all alone,
that’s the end,
no one’s home.