Wading through the crisp moonlight
I saunter to your door
Searching for the answer, to make things right
But you don't want me anymore
Caught up in the life of thrills
Refusing to settle down
To be honest, it makes me ill
To see you getting around
I respect your decision
Though I don't agree
I guess that's just the difference
Between you and me

As I lay here inspired
I try to think of the things I want to say to you
I want to say I know exactly how you feel
I want to say that someone is waiting for you to come along
I want to say that you're a good person
But I don't know you
I don't know if the words spat, spoken, and whispered
Reflect all of you
I have no doubt
What you say is what you mean
But I think there is more to you
Than the letter type that I see before me
Your words are beautiful
Your emotions seem sincere.
As someone who has hurt,
I yearn to help
But
It's hard to fix what isn't broken
It's hard to see what isn't shown
It's hard to be let in without a key
And
Though I believe that it's true
Though I feel your pain
Though I want to reach out
I won't.
I can't.
Because reaching out means letting you in
It means hard work
Sacrifice.
It means I'm ready to help
and I'm not yet.
My mind is broken,
I had a mental car accident
2 broken legs and a fractured wrist
The legs have healed, and I can walk with my head high
But my wrist hasn't healed yet
And though I try to pull you from the water
We both end up drowning

I miss you
Your image haunts me
Every step
The memories pull my hand
Tug me to places I don't want to go
Places that belong in the past
For the sake of my misery
but when I looked at that picture
I remembered us
And what exactly that meant to you and I
How I was floating on a cloud for a year
And suddenly came crashing back to Earth
It's as if I've been asleep
Unconscious to what I've been doing
Now I try to get back to sleep
By staying up all night smoking ***
When you're thinking about everything,
It's a lot harder to think about one thing
The cool steel is pulling out of my chest
But it stings more now,
that it's almost out
I thought this was over
But now
I think this is just the beginning

Oh you know her?
She likes you
She wants you
She's into you
Go for it man
Go for it Zack
Go for it Bud
And then, standing,
Choking on the words I pretend to mutter
Sputtering with embarrassment at not being heard
But unable to speak louder
Caged behind a wall of glass emotion
Colorless
Odorless
Painless
The pane holds it in
So I let nothing out
Blank expression
Relaxed body language
Are you tired?
Yeah, I had a late night
Not a lie
But not the truth
Hide behind the sleep
Or the ****
Keep to myself
Who cares to know me?
Listen instead
Learn secrets
Maybe about you
Maybe about other people
Could be interesting
Uninterested
Wonder if I look that way to the customers
They tip well
or not at all
Hard to tell
Spiraling into control
Learning to live again
You've degenerated me
Back to the middle school
version
Timid
Shy
unsure
unconfident
Wanting to escape
Nothing to say
Nothing that would matter to anyone anyway

Even now
A click of your send button
Has the power
To break my heart

To whom it may concern
I'm leaving this world
I realized that life is short
So I did my best to live
And I did, for a while
For a couple of years
I did a lot of things
Got a lot of experiences
But now I know
I'll never be married
I'll never live till 30
I'll never get to hold my newborn daughter in my arms
I'll never have a house
I'll never own a nice car
I'll leave all my friends
Well, if they see it like I do
It's better that way
This isn't a call for attention
I just need you to know this is real
All of these words I meant.
Goodbye mom, dad
Goodbye sisters
Goodbye friends
Goodbye my love
The one who gave me everything
The one who I turned to
The one that means so much
I'd die for you
In fact, I probably will.

Who am I?

I often thought
I knew who I was
What it meant to be me
Why I do what I do
But now,
After you,
I'm beyond broken
I'm a blind man in a room full of mirrors
Confused, with no hope
I prided myself,
Well, maybe that was the mistake,
I tried to help
But in the end, you made my heart ache
I'm going through the motions
The key to life is simple:
Give up
Let in
Find a shepherd
Follow
Repeat
The sheep may be ignorant
But they're content eating weeds
Even when luscious pastures are close
They'll follow their shepherd
Forever,
Or
Until
He
Changes
Political
Parties

Obscene
Yet doable
Unwanted
But required
Vast
But unrequited

Maybe it's a bad idea
But this sheep
Has had a taste of real grass
And the more he chews
Reluctantly
On his dandelion
The more he realizes
Slowly
He needs the grass to live
But as he arrives at the pasture
The grass is burnt
The trees are cut
And he turns,
And he weeps
Because he knows what he has lost.