Am I truly this gentle
To let all things pass
I will not lean my will against yours
Will not turn my face from your sun
Yet the shadows pass across my skin
Perhaps I should have remained silent
Inquisition my great folly
Will this change us like seasons
Again and again I have returned
There is no change in the weather
No straight and narrow to wander
Philosophies spew from my finger tips
I touched you once
I fear it will not be the same
Have we changed so quickly
Here in this moment
Not yet bereft of the last
Lingering like your touch on my skin
I am not held to this
Not truly released
Not halfway vacant
Not completely full
Time will quench me
As we once did thirst together
In the dessert
Must 40 years pass
Before you dare lick milk and honey
From my fingers
Let the taste settle in the corners of your mouth
On the back of your tongue
I told you I was human
I told you I was a liar
But not a fool
All is well
There is no anger here
No pain
No paper fingers withdrawing into their sheaths
I will face you still
There is no shame here
Unless you bring it
Were you always this quiet
Bait my breathe
I will swallow your words hook, line, sinker
It is food for my soul
Draw me to you
I am the soft lines on black paper
Nothing but shadows
Am I tangible to you
Or do we pass through each others ghosts
What was
Is no more
We are slipping
Traction is temporary
We were falling
Nothing is certain
Only the end

I just love to think of you
Your memory is a spring day

Stick to poems they never bite you in the back
Stick to the light and never look back

My lungs hold my breath
And my head hold my brain
My feet bear my body
And my hands hold the chain

My chest holds my heart
And is to heavy
Will you hold it for me
Hold it, hold me, stead

You
So loyal
To your pain
Will you not
Even dare
Lift your head
For the sun to come up

I am waiting the lights are blinding my eyes
I run across a beach to and endless shore

I watch you rise out of the sea
You always look so beautiful to me

The pain I went through to give birth to this love
It was all worth it I love watching you grow

The words the wind carried from your heart to mine
The waiting it took but it was worth it divine one

The endless road we walk together
The bond we hold no one can break

Your hands so rough and mind so soft
But together we are made to last

The fire doesn't burn when you are my shield
Oh darling just lay with me in this field of daisies

The ocean pulls your hand from mine
Be we remain forever locked in time

Wishing I knew how fast the stars fly
Across the glass strewn sky

This single drop of blood
Rivulating from my heart
Trying to run away
To be lost from the emotions

You trace your way
Down my scarred arms
And twist in agony
So deep into the night you dance

I fear you shall never return
You long for another system
With a steadier beat
And when the night comes

The trace you leave is sweet
I wiped you away
To forget the pain
But in this life

I drive myself insane

I don't know what love is anymore
But I do know it hurts

I feast on your attention

you can listen to the radio
and hear all the songs
but it won't drown out the noise
of what is screaming inside

Brooms in the closet
***** on the floor
Dreams in my head
Lies on our lips
Sleeping under tables
Dancing with strangers

Tomorrow is here
And I thought it would never come
But what's happened is finished
Though I don't think I won

The lines are all to thin
Between life and death
I need you to stop questioning
I have already passed the test

When one footprint
Is on the wrong side of the line
When the distance
Is way to fine

It doesn't really make sense
To keep right and wrong
That closed together
This is not where I belong

Though it has been merely moments
Since the sound of you voice
Flooded through my ears

I am drowning in the suspense
And waves of sweet misery
Crash over my tempered soul

And though you say much
That you would reach a hand
To pull me out save me

I could not know these words
Nor do I dare believe
That you would care so much

To watch one drown
Be a terrible fate in its own
Yet to save a soul from water

And lift it to your own shores
Is to link your heart to that other
A memory as strong as steel

To keep together, always connected
For a life that was not to live
But to be saved and continued

A moments hesitation could cost
So much more that you could pay
And you never stood a chance

But that didn't get in your way
For moments are smaller hours
And eyes are darker souls

Intertwined in water
And bound in the waves
You bore be from a watery grave

This shore no more stable
That our trembling fingers
And yet though I long for touch

I could not dare to linger
For promises from my fingers
Are not bound by my heart

For they are unsustainable
Yet honest in a way
And I would not lie to you

In such a harmful way
For you could never seek
To ruin a phantom kiss

But I know you should run
Before the storm comes
To close to ****

I cannot push you away
At the same time I need you
And I want you to stay

But my heart is a fire
And those who touch are burned
So many have tried

And many have yet to learn
I want a last
I don't need a list

I want to love
And to be kissed
But danger lies

Between all these lips
And truth is buried
But never missed

Some flames so large
As to consume
But mine a candle

Ever steady, always bright
But you would never miss it
Among those of the same light

To face a sky that never rains
But the sky looks down
On a face of rain

Tears to slip into shadow
If you never knew they were cried
Then they would not know how to hide

To pool in eyes of warmth
And rain down cheeks of pain
To die on charcoaled lips

And never be the same
A trail of memories
To ever be traced

To always be moving
Just to find a place
To never be the same

And live within each day
To know each hour
As you never did before

Because every moment
Must be accounted for

Please,

Don't ever tell me to go away

Because I will

And it will hurt like hell

I will miss you ever single **** day

I will want to be right next to you

But I won't be

I can't be

Because you made me think you didn't want me their

Right next to you

Where I belong

English has taught me many things
Today, I am stuck on this lesson
That any situation can be tense
Past, present, or future tense

You spilled your heart out
Like popcorn on the sidewalk

I watch your back
Glisten in the sun
Building my church
Laying a strong foundation
For my temple
It is a labor of love

I am waiting now
To teach you my gospel
Did you see my scripture
Ink saturating scrolls
So it is written
So it is done

We are still in the middle
Unfurl me
Tender fern in spring
They are singing our chorus
Beyond the hill
Playing stringed instruments
Fiddlehead
I am not god
Or angel
Figurehead

I am the woman at the well
Bow your head
Drink from my cupped hands
Communion
This is my body
This is my bread
Sit at my table
Feast as if judgement day is here
Last supper

I will wash your feet
With tenderness
With tears
With perfume and oil
There is no shame in these 4 walls
At the alter
I say my prayers of thanksgiving
That I am no longer 40 years in the desert
Burn my offering with sweet oil
As the aroma wafts into heaven
They will know
The prophecy is fulfilled
Sins atoned
Covenant not broken

We cleanse our selves
Before we enter in
Into the holy of holies
Make our evening bed
This curtain was never torn.
Not for the dark day
Not for the cross
Not for sins since the beginning of time
Not for the body in the tomb
Not for the wailing women
Not for the spirits fading in the womb
Not for the lamb

You wash my back
With holy water
I wash yours
In the Jordan
Today’s baptism renews us
This is our small kingdom
Bathed in righteousness
We are clean in the eyes of God

I cant be fully cooked
if I am:
       hot on the outside
       but lukewarm about you
       on the inside
       and my heart is still as
       cold as it was

July 28, 2021
For so long I have felt like I am falling asleep.

October 5, 2021, 10:54
Have I been such a stranger to peace my whole life that when she comes to settle, I do not know her face?

Have you heard the sound
The mouth makes
When the heart breaks
So loud it looks like screaming
But it couldn't be more silent

All your dreams gather like shadows
For they love the dark, and all she holds
Her wings are fire, so bright she burns
Like hot coals she kisses, and she yearns
Closer still, to the tempting burn
Some are smart, some never learn
She calls to you a nightly ordeal
By emotions, oh fool that you feel
Safer still, so far from her reach
But Night, she falls within reach
Only to take, never to teach
Sleep oh dreamer, while you may
I lay awake, I watch, and I pray

Boundaries protect and boundaries hide
When you live all of the lies
The lines are here to stand behind
The choices for you to decide
When all the faces resemble the others
You must divide child and mother
When the price to be paid is your life
When you wield dagger and knife
The faces that look on in expectation
How many ways can you destroy a nation
When the winning ticket is drawn from a bowl
And you miss your chance and fate takes its toll
When the whole world can see what you did wrong
When you cant find a home where you belong
The guidelines are way to specific
And the scenes from my life are to horrific
The babies cry and the screams break your heart
When the forbidden fruit you bit just falls apart
The blood you spill is on your hands
And you are chased through moon lite lands
The stains of sweat run heavy on your brow
When you make the choice not to bow
A rude remark and a sharp blow
Trying to figure out what you don't know
The buzzard are circling high over head
You wish you could run but face your fears instead
When you make choices without rhyme or reason
And you need to run but choose treason
So many paths that intersect in the end
What hides behind the next bend
The curtains are drawn and you stand exposed
You turn the sign and the shop is closed
A lonely walk to an empty home
A life you live all alone

we blow away like leaves
and are forgotten even though
we fell from imaginable heights
withstood the strongest storm
held onto a weak limb
braced against the elements
yet be blew away in the fall
as we fell to the barren ground
covering it in a blanket of colors
leftovers from the summers crisp wonders

Your sheets hold your secrets
Between cotton and silk they thrive
Trapped in a small expanse
But part of a larger infinity
They know names and bodies
And every curve of your back
The hold you down
And hide you away
Between each gentle layer
You cannot wash them out
Or cover them up to hide
They lay exposed in an unsafe place

I need these stars

"Do you ever dream in Spanish?"

"Only on Friday."

The way your essence fills my lungs
Can only be compared
To the way a breeze goes through my hair
For it is gentle
Yet still
You feel it tremble and stare

If I could chose to fall in love
I would not choose to fall in love you
Because falling hurts
I would simply love you
With all that I am
Because without you
I am dessert
Dry empty and barren
Wreaking havoc when the winds blow
Because I cannot chose in my right mind
To ever let someone like you go

How can I sing
When my voice is broken
You ripped out my heart
And set in in a chest - oaken

How can I dance
When my feet immobile
You tripped my and I fell
You my enemy are far from noble

How can I laugh
When my heart is so tired
The sadness seeps into my bones
Is that what I inspired

I cannot help but to blame myself
The weight is on my shoulders
I carried myself high
But now I am buried under boulders

Broken glass underneath my feet
A river carrying me out to sea
I glide in a painful daze
Trying to escape - to be free

I travel under the sunken earth
And I hope never to see the sun
It is finished - it is over
It is done

Believe in myself
There is nothing left to believe in
I am broken
And again you win

It was just a trick - Just a joke
Am I the punch line
Will I make it to the end
How can I be drunk - without wine

I stagger up a mountain
Trying always to reach the top
Though I just keep slipping
I will never ever stop

If I could but reach the sun
Then maybe I could shine in the sky
Or would I just get burned
Why cant I see my whole life - I've been living a lie

I try and I try but to no avail
My skin is black yet also pale
I walk a ****** wicked trail
What will happen if I fail

Should I just turn back
No there is nothing left for me
I need to climb
I need to be free

So I bend my back
And I shall bite my tongue
And the end
We will know who won

My all wasn't enough?

It's just not fair.

I have the worst luck.

You will always be more!

Than I will ever need.

You are my solid oaken door.

Keeping me safe...

Keeping bad things out.

Locked inside a place.

Called home!

Oh to be there

Always loved, never alone.

A departure no matter how sweet, never as much as the return
An old tongue roots himself again in my mouth
Reigns my words as they rise up behind my teeth
My lack of you is devout, and your return a worship may be
The knots we tie are ancient
I hear the cairns at the door to the nine realms whisper the words in my heart
You are missing, from me
Stones cry out when you hold your tongue
Do I know all things now
Or only those of little consequence to Odin