bohemian john lewis puts waitrose in rhapsody 06.08.18

expect nothing under
wednesday night had brightening
watched soaps back and then the thunder
john was in my room like a bolt of lightning.
what a genius
it really is a cutie
on way to mercury not venus
all up doing the tutti frutti.
the length is a big spender
1975 released way before its time
anyone watching will be a great pretender
straight to john lewis is a vital line.
always had a bond
no need for staying power
queen is making me more fond
publicity for all i shower.
thank you john lewis and waitrose
number one with queen showing modesty
the breakthru of bo-rap you expose
you created how freddie thought of  rhapsody.

Today she brought her lunch in a Tesco’s bag
She had Co Op cheese,
Waitrose rolls,
And Sainsbury’s basic butter

Does she not care that people see she shops around!?

I was told the Isle of Wight
was like going back twenty years in time.
The Red Funnel ferry took us
to this enchanted island,
described as England in miniature.
There was this relaxed feel
of people not pushing for the burn,
extending to the mannered staff
at Osborne House,
who couldn't be more helpful
and the Waitrose counter girl
providing the creme de creme
of friendliness.
The chief steward of the ferry
lifted our spirits
I vowed to Vectis to return.

I am a man living in a house made of boxes
some are posh, others are bedraggled, anything to keep away those **** foxes
I started with a base build, long and robust, its where I have my open window above
only a square mind, it couldn’t be too big although it’s what I’d really love

No corridors or an upstairs en-suite
no no no, not in this hovel, now that really would have been a treat
The big names placed accordingly out there on the front entrance
Amazon to Harrods, Waitrose to Marks, leftover Poundland to build my fence

The roof a leftover roll of industrial cellophane wrap
my outdoor toilet just by the tree, a forest en-suite but no basin or tap
cooking can be a pain as a fire really could spread
a front room so small I eat my dinner from my bed

Now don’t let people tell you you're just some smelly old ***** as you are not
it's just a wrong decision I made in life, now this is how I survive and to camp
the boxes build a structure of life that is not always sturdy and stable
but if that’s how my life went, now I’m just bottom of some table

For this is my home
my refuge
my rest
my result

Remember, we all live a different life, just be grateful for what you have

The Box House

JJB

****** corona virus
What a waste of time
I have to miss my yoga session
And that’s just a crime
My husband works in the commons
Whilst I work as a lawyer
I am extremely extremely angry
The local Waitrose has no soya
My husband has missed his bowls game
And little Tarquin can’t play polo
As for the trip to the opera
It appears I’m going solo
Of course I won’t criticise the government
They keep us in good wealth
Maybe one point now though
Is what’s happening to our health
We probably won’t go to St Tropez
Did you know we’re from Surrey
I’ll just arrange a dinner party
After all we’ve got plenty of money

it's nice to walk down Victoria Street
It still feels like an undiscovered part of London
It has a Waterstones bookshop
and an earnest small Waitrose
Yet the Public Library is elsewhere
There's clearly an Architects eye for design here
belatedly re-discovering glass
to compete with the nearby Shard
Around Strutton ground
there used to be a watchmaker
next, it will be the shoe shop
and then book sellers Oxfam
to vacate their properties

From my experience, of
having been a carnivore
to becoming a vegetarian
some 30 years ago, there
is a vast difference in the
toilet, where one can hear,
wait and pity the excessive
force that needs to be used
by meat eaters to evacuate
turds resembling grenades
and rarely do they escape
the splash which by then
has been dyed yellow with
***** which in the absence
of a bidet tarnishes thus adds
odour to The London Derriere.

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Years ago in The Fulham branch
of Waitrose, I met Joanna Lumley,
who, incidentally never ate meat
in her life. I hope she takes up this
issue with the same energy as she
did for the Gurka Pensions.







https://www.theguardian.com/business/2018/oct/31/waitrose-magazine-editor-william-sitwell-steps-down-over-email-mo­cking-vegans.

William Sitwell steps down after he sent email joking about ‘killing vegans’ and force-feeding them meat.

The flat bread society, is not
an obvious translation of what
one might immediately assume.

We are a bunch of ne'er-do-well
people who survive on our wits,
that includes shoplifting, of course.

Unlike those of a similar name, who
are adamant that the earth is not round,
we have no such delusions about bread.

We live in a squatted flat, hence our
registered name, but to get our daily
bread out of Waitrose™ we stand on it.

This way, we boys can stuff it inside our
shirts, when it is the girls turn, they put
it under their skirts.

One of the females, came up with a great
idea, she pretends that she has a bun in the
oven, so, we are now The Round Bread Society®