Tell me what you need so I can change accordingly.
Tell me who you need so I don't have to be myself.
You know my broken bones won't heal correctly,
You know you'll have to click them into place.
Don't let me get comfortable within my castle walls,
For you can only stay outside them, and I need you closer,
So my sentence shall be a lifetime in the open.
You know you can't stay mine, no matter the effort,
Because constructive waves raise their own severity,
And individually we are already as severe as it gets.
You know I can't stay yours, no matter the effort,
Because being broken together means we can't fix one other
And even a mechanic would find me impossible.
Maybe if we had never met, I would have died alone,
And maybe you would still be with the firefighters.
I want things to be easier for us, but they can't be.
We're unfixable, through and through, no matter the effort.
I want you to be here because even if it can't be true,
You could make me believe there's a future for us
And I can be good for you, no matter the evidence.
I wish I could take back every last word and be neutral,
Be the person you need, want and deserve, at last,
The unjudging and unfeeling observer of your past,
The uninvolved and neutral observer of your present,
The peaceful and secure participant of your future.
You can't want me because nobody can,
I can't be good for you because I can't be good,
You can't need me because I'm not needed.
I want you to want me as I am, no change needed.
I want you to love my every aspect as it naturally is.
I want you to accept me even when I can't accept you.
I want to be your selfish, spoiled, manipulative, broken wife.
I want you to do for me everything I can never do for you.
I want you to stay, even if it ruins you. I need you.
I wish you were here so you could tell me what's real
And convince me anew that I don't need to cry.
I wish you were here so I could believe a single word
You've sworn on your life is the only truth.
I wish you were here so there could be a truth.
If I can't exist in full with you, I can't exist at all.
If I can't be perfect for you, I can't be good at all.
If I break you, I will have broken the only thing
That ever deserved to be kept safe.
If you break me, you will have fulfilled my destiny
Of being broken.
I cried while writing this & then couldn't think of a title & my brain started playing the theme song of a cartoon I used to love
Written; 2023.jun.18.