Suppression
It's been naturally selected over and over and over
Here we are
Can anyone explain why?

Is it just a glitch?
A human gets so mangled they should be dead, but the body can't find a reason to stop
Natural selection had no part
You're already dead
This is just the brain buying time until the body wears down
You're dead weight, humanity can't use someone with memories only
Deformed
Corrupted
Misguided
Abused
You've been molded by all that hurts the species
Rot
Die
But in the meantime
Just forget about it

Go through years numb
Years of paranoia
There can never be an explanation because
What if I'm missing a piece
Or the whole story's right in front of me
There's no sense, no rhyme, just passing time
So I obsess
There must be more

But there could be so much more
When he took me home sick
He picked me up because Mom wasn't home
My brother must have been at school
So, was it just us?
He could strangle Mom and say Brother's ****** in the head
But never a bad word to me

There's the time in kindergarten
I stayed in from recess
And a boy in my class came out of the bathroom
Entirely naked
Teacher was there
What did she say about it?
Why was I staying in the room?

How twisted can the facts get?
Am I just denying you?
Forgetting all you did
And searching for the culprit in suspicious memories of the past
*******, I'll be the one sending someone to life in prison for what my brain wanted to believe

Because you
Well, in the park last week
I was sitting on a bench waiting to see you
As I've done frequently the past year and a half
Which is sick and unsettling
Why do I want to see you?
Am I still seeking all that self destruction you nurtured?
No.
I wanted to tell you a shamefully obvious fact
You ***** me

Seeing as you're chicken wire, stuffed with media and sent out to parade
You wouldn't believe me
There was no dark alley, no knife to my throat, little objection you ever truly heard
Though I don't think we can deny, I never had a good time
I'll reveal to you now
I was being stuffed in a plastic bottle
That's twisted and crinkled
Elephant skin plastic buckling into my face
Aching my body
My self affirmed tears lost in water remnants

Here's where all reality is lost
Here's where my obsession starts
Did I crawl to your vicious manipulative being
Because it was all too familiar?
You're old, you see me as a slaughtered *** cow
Bleeding on the ground my body no longer objecting
You offered promise of corruption
Chaos
Everything that could have been a comforting resemblance to

Suppressed memories

So **** me.
I have no ******* clue.
I never will.

That would be fine
Except now I love
And I am loved
I am so loved

This mind, though
It doesn't know how to love
It knows of ***
It knows *** used to be the closest thing to closeness
Chemicals dropping me into the comfort of careless arms

Now, *** is all part of the closeness
When words are failing
We're suspended in exclamation
I look into your eyes
And if it didn't blind you
I'd grab them
Loving to a point of passionate exasperation
That's when *** comes into play

My mind loves it then
But it loves it all the time
Or
The prospect of it
The undebatable joy I convince myself will follow

But I chewed and clawed and smeared ***
It was a drug
An abuse
An outlet
A torture

Now, I hardly feel passionate or enflamed
I space out
A habit from when I reluctantly passed my body off 2,3,4 times within hours
I can only think of you
Are you enjoying yourself?
Am I attractive enough?
Are you getting bored of me?

But you, I know, only think of me
You care so much
In every aspect
Especially ***, you're so balanced and pure
It drives me up the wall how much I envy it

Although, it's made *** worse
Now i worry about you worrying about me having a good time
Guilt fills up my stomach
Because
I can't enjoy it, not the way you do, I see in your eyes how much it means
And you can tell in my eyes, I'm not too moved
I wish I could act
I try a bit
But that's terrible, I know you'd hate that

******* I should just ******* talk to you. Sorry. It all makes me feel very sick
And
You get so upset I hate it. I hate being the cause of that, I hate having the ability to prevent that and the weakness to still throw all my worries on you.

I'm so stupid.
I love you.

the blonde and the brunette don't we make a great team
believe me our bond is unshakable
it's undebatable
our pull is gravitational
toward Christ, he's at the center
and splinters we extract together
secrets aren't existent we communicate with eyes sometimes
this
is best friendship.
the artist and the all-star don't we make a great team
it seems
like our laughter is contagious, it has to be
this masterpiece
is perfect, God
we couldn't thank you anymore
where it's light and airy we praise you
where it's dark and scary we praise you
continue
to color our lives with delight and depth
this
is best friendship.
two girls chasing God don't we make a great team
equal
in every way and gleaming
with beauty
worthy
of so much love
genuine
and surely
we'll find it
we're diamonds
after all
and by each other's sides with each new "I am"
and every fall
because I love you
because you're Dorothy
and I'm Alice
let's go explore crazy **** together
because I love you
because we're the poles
and the equator
at exactly
the same time
because I love you
because we are like breathing
because I love you
and this
is best friendship.

I wont be able to show
My love to anyone
But people do not respect that
They think i do it just for fun

They think im just hormonal
They believe i am a source of stress
When stress never defined me
That when they say it, i love them less

Maybe i am heartless
Maybe i do burn
So when i fall or stumble
No one ever seems concerned

They say im hard to deal with
They say im a burden too
Like im a heavy weight they carry
That theres nothing they can do

Theyve taken me to doctors
To them, thats so extremely bad
“the others arent like you”
Like im the worst theyve ever had

I live in a puzzle of roses
With the prodigy child, the wise and the sweet
I try to fit myself in the picture
And hopelessly, i drown in defeat

I try to think more about it
Ive read books, been to lectures too
But somehow all that is overlooked
And my anger only grew

They look at me with fear
As if i carry a gun wherever i go
They believe my heart is nothing
But a stone thats as cold as snow

Red velvet, scarlet, ruby
Garnet and cherry red
Colors that overwhelm my brain
Colors i imprint in my head

I never seem to match
A single shade that is close to theirs
I wear a completely different color
With which, they arent willing to bear

In my eyes,
Im as white as an elegant goose
In their eyes, im as dark as ever
To symbolize how “my purity,
Was never mine to lose”

Roses have gorgeous petals
Their appearance always good as new
Although thorns have their good features
They have bad ones too

They bear a weight on their stems
An unwanted feature resting there
although these roses are pretty
That one feature, they hate to wear

The frown i wear on my face these days
Is one i have never worn
Its due to the undebatable fact
That every rose has its thorn

So please call me L.A.W.N
And do not see me as white and pure
For people think im a burden
A disease that has no cure