Dard-e-dil batao aapna
Saath Mei seh lenge .
Bs ek kadam badao apna,
Yeh fassle Kam Kar denge
Akele nahi ** is dard Mei tum
Dard Bata ke toh dekho
Humdard ban jayenge.
Thaam lo hath humara
Is muskil safar Mei Jana
Vada h hum fir se humsafar ban jayenge
Aur suno ,
Bihkare toh hum bhi h ,
Aankhe humari bhi dubi rehti h tumahri yaado Mei ,
Bs bataye bhi toh kise
Tanha tumhari tarh hum bhi toh h
Soch bhi kaise liya tumne ki
Dard tume ** aur
Fark Hume na pade!😥😥😥

I closed my eyes today to meditate
And of course the flow began
That endless stream of words
But this time is was of a different kind
It was a strong rush rush of forgotten words that loomed over me
And whilst still breathing
I started sweating
For it was the scent of an old world
Those words
Of rigidity and rust; rules and atrophy
Layers and layers of shame

A world so deeply rooted; tied with a thick rope
To the words that built it

I tried to get the flow of words to halter
So as to not evoke the emotions stitched into those idioms
Flooding into consciousness
I've spent years toiling
To create a universe sprouted from new words
So what could this be but an utter attack on my new reality

But they become an outpour, the words
This sort of multi-sensory experience…

and I'm fixed to them with glue
To the fiery words like
Tznuis, Bas Melech, Shidduchim
That I'd heard all too many times
Because I'm only a women
The rabbis would tell me
And my hands were meant for baking bread
My ******* for giving milk
Never really mine at all

And also the Tume, Trief, Off the Derech, Goyim
Words that rang into my ears constantly  
Maybe because they were always said, or maybe because
These were words I couldn’t close my ears off to hearing
But I hear them again now even louder
Painting a purity and an impurity
An us and a them
A superiority and racism
Endless hierarchies

But then the good words began to flood my mind
The Zmiros, Little Tzadikel, Kinderlech
Words that built the sounds of my family singing
The Love and shelter
Joyous togetherness
The simple Simplicity
The words that know for real
Mashiach will come

Then there were the greetings
The Good Yontifs, Gut Vach's
Because who are we but one large social unit
Bound by the words we share
And the Boruch Hashem's, Kneina Hara's
Secured that the bad things don’t get too bad
And the good things don’t ruin themselves

The flow of words continued
Like a tragic comedy
A bad and a good
And a nothing and a everything
The grief of a lost innocence; the shadow of brick walls

But I remembered that joy of breathing deep into my uncaged lungs
Accessing a fresh new whiff of clean air

For I have built a world of new words
A new vocabulary
of Words like Mind, Body, Spirit
****** freedom
Intersectionality, Sustainability
Kindred Souls
Unity
Compassion
Holding the Space

But what to do when the flow of an old world
Built so powerfully by its words
Strikes at me suddenly
Unexpected
And all the new words I've forged don’t seem to matter
At all

my friend Lily always says that we accept the love we think we deserve. it's a quote from her favorite book. but i don't think it's quite accurate. in fact, i don't believe it's true at all. I think we accept the love we think we can change. i don't think that a relationship should be based of skepticism oor uncertainty, lack of agreement or trust.  but those things change. they have to, don't they? can i ever love someone fully if i don't trust them? can i ever love somebody if all i'm doing is revisiting their social media page every tume i open the app? do i love them? am i obsessed with them? or am i obsessed with protecting myself?

i accept the love i think i can change because my grandmther once told me that my love can create chaotic fires in people if i really wanted to and that love can do almost anything. and i think that's why i like church, because they teavh you to love with every ounce in your body. they teach you to write loe letters with their voice, and to never hesitate the spilling of your own blood even if that means you can't save them.

my grandmother taught me that love can transform, love can change. love doen't come in decorative bags or in Kay Jewlers wrapping paper. love comes form understanding and the desire to give more than you will ever recieve.

i accept the love i think i can change because maybe, just maybe, that love will love me in return.

Veem vam voom
Tricka Lica loom
Ha ta tume!
Vim vam voom

YOU

DO

HAVE

A

FAMILY

IN

THE

CURRENT

TUME ZONE.

BUT

DEEP

INSIDE,

YOU

ARE

ALL

ALONE !!!

BOARD GAME FOR MILTON
JUST PASS ME MY CANE OF STICK OR LADDER THAT FLIPPED

A LEVEL ON LOCK I SEEN A HUGE SNAKE COP
THE CAMELOT THE EYE OF RA

THE TYPE OF SNAKE THAT LEAVES YOU WITHOUT KAA'
MOTHERLY INTENTION
DIMENSION DAZE
NO MONEY EXCHANGED
JUST TAKING THERE NAMES

ON A LIST OF SWING DOWN A HALLWAY INSIDE  RING
PARTIALLY TRUTH
HOW ONE DAY A DRAGON CAN LOOSE A TOOTH

BUT TO HOOK IT ON A FISH THATS BEEN ALIVE NOT AT RISK
GAMES WE PLAY OR THINK WE REMEMBERED
ARE COVERED IN THE HOSTILE INTENTION

TO UNDERSTAND WE PLAY ALL GAMES AT ONCE
METHODICALLY INTUNE IN NATURE AND IN RUIN

ANCIENTS WATCHED WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT TUME