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Nat Lipstadt Feb 2015
winter's after-the-noon shadow lights,
fused-tinged with early-onset grays,
harbinger of one for whom death
detaches the answer from that question
too soon asked, so long unanswered,
why me?

those gray lights, a violin accompaniment,
mourning pitched wailings unasked for,
yet always in attendance, court courtiers,
feelings of insufficiency, angry angst insects

envy days when simplistic unknown fears
were the worst enemy, never lingering,
for unknowns have no answers and
cannot obtain permanent resident visas

but reality, another matter, mad hatter,
asking repeating what is this, why is this,
even comprehension partial gives
no comforting answer satisfactory logical

envy innocence past, for newer questions now *****,
comfort by the lies in the essaying, trialling,
if, but, for, the distractions most affordable,
so grasp the pen that is the envy of thy companions

let the ink wail louder than you,
make paper shed what you have used up,
let envy of lost and found, found, yet still lost,
salve, but not solve, soothe, but not save

in the winter afternoons, those shortest days
of indeterminable longevity, words received,
offer little, but words self-conscripted,
a mortal transcript of pain immortalized by pen, relief will yet be,

for the pen is the envy of all
>~~~~~~~~<
For my friends who suffer in silence
captured in the psych ward ——  a strange word——— something to do with bludger



today ron has his hands full when a person came after tying an 11 year old boy to the toilet

and he started to get these weird voices in his head, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it,

you see his youth wasn’t bad, there was a bit of teasing but his parents think the teasing could’ve

been the reason why he did the crime, you see his brother said, be a oh ledger, which made no

fucken sense, and it could be a strange name because he didn’t want his sibling to be labelled a

pheadphile, and ron was talking to him asking him, why did you attack that child and he said

because i wanted him to suffer for what my school mates were doing to me, you see my school mates

are calling me a ole ledger, which makes no sense, and ron said, maybe they are calling you that, because

they feel guilty calling you a phedaphile, or they prefer to not call a mate a phedaphile, and then ron said

or maybe they are saying young bludger or a dole bludger because you look lazy to me, and then the man got

up and said, i am a bit of a bludger, but i am not a dole bludger, i want to work, but most of the jobs i like to do

are jobs that this crime would stop me from doing, and charlie chaplin came up to the man and said, charlie’s my name

what is yours and he said, kidnapper bill, you see i kidnapped a kid named bill, and now i am in here, being called

a oh ludger, and charlie said, they are calling you what, and he said a oh ludger, you see i was getting teased all my life

and i took out revenge on them by destroying the life of a litte kid, and ron said, do you think you should tell very many people

because charlie will tell and it could make your time in here uncomfortable and he said, i can handle it, and he said, like when

i grabbed that kid, i felt good, i was just about to make the past leave my mind, because those teasers were horrible to me

and then ron said ok they called you a oh ludger, which makes no sense, why the devil was that word in your head because

it is not a word in the english language, and then the child molestor said, my name is gordon mcllumsy, and i am 23 years old

and i have been getting teased all my life, and my brother peter mclumsy is calling me a oh ludger, because he wanted to

keep it from our father that he thought i was a pheadphile, i don’t believe in having *** with a kid, i just tied him up and threaten him

if he tells the cops, well obviously he did, and he’ll pay for it, and pete, my brother said, your a oh ludger, and since that day my mind

was so messed up, i thought he was treating me like a family person, or a dole bludger or a young bludger, but now you guys have

arrested me, the voice has stopped but pete came the other day, and i heard the words oh ludger come out of his mouth

and i hear those words 25 times in one day, i am trying to relax in here but the voice of my brother says you are a oh ludger, oh ludger

and i told him, yeah a dole bludger or a young bludger or maybe even a sports watcher, because gordon was watching the sport when

that voice became clearer, and he had hallucinations of his mates at school saying, your getting teased gordon, we tried to push you over

the edge and now you are getting teased and ron said ok, and when these kids teased you, what did they say, and gordon said, they went yeah mate

to me every time i did family stuff, like play footy or cricket, or even when we played boardgames, and gordon hated that, screaming out

LEAVE ME THE **** ALONE, I AM A FAMILY PERSON, and this happened every day for gordon, and most of the time it wasn’t just yeah mate

sometimes, bullies would pick on him, by jabbing pocket knives into his neck or gut, or jabbing ball point pens onto his ***** and gordon said

LEAVE ME THE **** ALONE, I AM A FAMILY PERSON, and the head bully of the school locked gordon in the school store room, saying

you will be here overnight, **** and gordon wanted to get out, and eventually a teacher let him go, and then gordon told rob, i wanted revenge

on these bullies, and this kid got in my way, and since that day, i heard the voices, oh ludger coming out of my brother and mates, and i thought

this meant nothing, and gordon still thought they meant dole kludgier, sports watcher or young bludger, but gordon thought pete was a real little

smart alek and needed to be taught a very big lesson, because gordon isn’t really a pheadaphile, he was just bullied around at school by stupid

jealous school kids and ron thought straight away that gordon needs medication to calm his mind, so he chose 300 mils largactil at night and

200 mills serenace in the morning, and ron thought with talk therapy, this should work, so he gave him his first dose of serenade, and he was still

hearing the words oh ludger, which could’ve meant sports watcher or dole bludger or young bludger or even a special name so pete and gordon’s parents

don’t find out that pete was treating gordon like a family person, and gordon was walking around yelling with words saying, i am not a pheadaphile, please

stop treating me like a phedaphile and gordon yelled at anyone who looked at him when they watched the news which made ron come out and try

and settle him down, gordon said, stop treating me like a little kid, I AM A RUN OF THE MILL, HEAVY DUTY MAN, dudes, and then gordon goes to his room

and then hears the words oh ludger, don’t be a yeah mate yeah kid, gordon, be a oh ludger, which means nothing to gordon and gordon yelled out

LEAVE ME ALONE YA ****, I AM NOT A OH LUDGER, i could be a dole bludger or a sports watcher, or a young bludger, but i am not a phedaphile

that kid had it f..n coming and i don’t deserve being captured in ron’s psych ward, being shoved on any medications, i want the best, f..n rupert and

then the order forms came out for lunch and dinner and gordon ordered his meals and went to his room yelling at his voices calling him a oh ludger

and gordon said, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, then ron, who was terribly worried about gordon gave him 2 values and said just relax because you

are causing people to complain about you, and the ****** sent gordon off to sleep till his family, including pete came to visit him and gordon told his parents

to stay, but pete had to go, because, he can hear oh ludger coming from his teasing voice which forced me to being a kidnapper, dudes and ron thought

that maybe his parents need to understand what medication gordon is on and that he hears voices of pete calling him a oh ludger which could be a dole bludger

or a sportswatcher or a young bludger or a fancy way that pete says he is a pheadaphile, to make make you feel great, and we put gordon on largactil and

serenace to control his urges to abduct children, apparently he was taking revenge on kids at his school and then gordon spent 2 hours with his parents

and his parents left, and it was almost dinner time and gordon went out to the dinner table and at dinner time, gordon got what he ordered, fish and chips

and vegetables with a orange juice and a chocolate mousse and after dinner ron gave gordon his largactil and gordon went to his room, missed supper

because he was having a big sleep, where he awoke at 5 am, and he went out to the dining room to wait for 2 hours for breakfast and medications, but

he told the nurses he had a dream about being burnt at a stake, because he remembered being treated like an old witch when he was 13 and when ron

came after his lovely time at home with pizza and sleeping on the couch, turned up at the hdu to give the patients the morning medications and ron

asked gordon, are you still hearing old ludger and gordon said, yeah, i f..n am and i started by thinking they were treating me like a sports watcher as

i was watching the tennis last night, but i fell asleep, and gordon still doesn’t understand what old ludger actually meant and then lunch came with

gordon yelling at his voices so loudly and then afternoon tea, with gordon having 3 pieces of the cake and then dinner came, and gordon started hearing

voices in ron and the nurses, and that started driving him completely nuts, and gordon told ron, and ron decided to give him more serenace and start

by trialling eppelim on him to be taken at lunch time to reduce the voices he hears and then dinner came and gordon ate his dinner and then ron brought

around the nightly medications and then ron clocked off and bought lunch at his favourite cafe and went home and watched greys anatomy and fell asleep

on the couch, while gordon was still bothered by the word old ludger, but it was calming slowly but surely.
Carabella Dec 2018
What love lay here beneath me: pressing softly upon the concave of two bodies.
Heart to heart; hairs tickling soft *****.

If ever there was a want to believe in a divine, omnipotent force - it would be now, though entirely unnecessary.
For we have seen a many hardship, no excuses or apologies suffice.

No rococo or garish design - this is you and I, in the midst of the chaotic rhythms that naturally brought forth existence.

Insufferable at times; a compulsion, a weakness completely devouring us. Leaving ourselves open, vulnerable, to the intentions and propositions of the other.

We hesitate. For at times there is no better purpose, never a greater need, never a solemn moment, never a permanence. Yet, we welcome in the reality of these understandings. Changing and growing with the respect of time.

We must be compassionate with each other, yes, we must also be hard, but never forget the power and privilege we have inherited with such union.  

For there has never been a more trialling, damning, passionate..... beautiful, pleasing, patience.....

What love lay here beneath me.
What life lay here before me.
Damien Feb 2021
Franz, what you ask,
The burden you set,
Leaves me pondering,
The human regret…

My Max, you don’t understand,
What I write by head and hand,
Is me and mine, and goes with me too,
My life is too sad to stand…

Look Franz, you will influence beyond,
Metamorphing, trialling, castles in Amerika,
Your eternal mirrors,
Existing now, and afar…

Max, you know I must die,
End me and my work,
I beg you dear,
Me and this, all lost in the dirt…

I will not Franze,
People need to know,
Your work must sparkle,
Rhyme, rhythm and flow…

I won’t rest Max,
As you deny my wish,
I’ll never have peace,
There's no rest, when me they miss…

Weigh up for me Franze,
Other’s joy, at your distress,
Woe to deny them your vision, and percept.

You’ll suffer Kafka, to the end,
but little matters,
When others gain,
with you, fading tatters.
Simpleton Oct 2019
Let it not be perfect
May we be flawed
And quarrel
Lest covet gazes linger

I am beware
Of aesthetic
Wary of too good
Being lost in the shout

Pray my love be private
Felt not seen
Hidden not absent
Whispered like secrets in the cover of night

Such ease
Such mercy
Belongs not on this land
I am scared of the illusion

Only in Eden
Should there be the love of heavens
Where no jealousy lies
Nor a grief in sight

I want to wake to disagreements
And fall asleep making up
I want ill planned good intentions
And of course a few ***** ups

I want to fix it together
Believe there's nothing we can't conquer
Laughs and tears
I want with you many many years

There may be a shaky path
But I want undoubted love
Trialling, testing but not a breakable wrath
Not one of dreams, I want reality love
Dennis Jul 2020
Memories, from far away.
Being far apart,
alone with your memories.

The paranoid cynic and the arrogant introvert conducting their dance.
A beginning of trialling and probing.
Testing, talking, critiquing.
The cynic worried of generalities experienced in the past.
The arrogant irritated, defending.
The introvert insecure relativizing, cautious at every step.
The paranoid offended, alarmed.
Both asking the same: Are you different?
The dance continues.

Then, it stops.
Distance!
An enemy?
Only memories.
Contemplating.
What happened?
Is this right?
Remembering: Getting stepped on the foot and vice versa.
But also pure synergy, the dancers moving like one organism.
One foot forward, sidestep, rotation, a bliss to the onlooker.
Seen by only two floating ghosts watching a spectacle so brilliant they will never forget.
Watching from above what they've only seen on the ground before.
Fall, catch, throw, perfect landing, not one inch off.

When will the ghosts dance again?

— The End —