"scenerios" poems
looking into her eyes
i could tell it told a stroy
a rare thing
told me everything she was afraid of
that look on her face told it all
but most importantly
the one thing i remember as clear as crystal
those blue eyes that drowed my sorrows away and made me think of something
someone
other than myself for once
they told me id never understand
little did she understand ive been through the same she'd been trough
fought the same battles
lingered apon the same questions and wondered the same thoughts
pictured the same scenerios in my head that we wanted to happen
and even thought about things the same way
it was perfect
i knew her just as well as she knew me
from just her eyes i could see the bittter past she wasnt willing to share
and the eager future she was excited about continuing
but loosing hope because everyone had shot down her dreams
fearless but had the courage that someday shed let all of the bad thoughts go
shed get rid of the deomns for good
she win the game of life
she knew she had it in her
the resononing behind becoming a better person for herself
felt good because she knew it wasnt for anybody else
although looking into her eyes i saw
hatred
jealousy
betrayl
traits i noticed
things id been familiar with and i just wanted to tell her weveall been there
to not trust every single person you meet
to take off that elecrtic smile that brightened up the room
to not open up so easily to those who were being nosey and desperate to break into the source of someone elses problems to cast away the shawdows of theirs for just a
moment
to not run off with the boy who had the pretty smile and differet personality because he ends up being the same guy as the rest
to tell her to turn around and notice the nice guy
the guy who cared about her all along who would do anything for her
protect her and fight for her no matter what
but no matter what she wouldnt listen
she wanted the bad guy
figured he knew a way to make the
pain go away
and indeed he did
which made more pain present in those eyes that were once as blue as the ocean
turn as black as the sky on a night there are no stars to look opon
i wanted to tell her all the things growing up i wish i knew
looking into her eyes i saw that reflection staring back at me and telling myself
"im that little girl that once was you"
Aug 24, 2013
Aug 24, 2013 at 8:16 PM UTC
Can you hear that sound
Like a tiny whining
You're a sad eyed puppy
Inside
It's a kind of yearning
When pining
away, wanting someone or something
So expensive beyond reach
The mind begins to fantasize what it's like,
Infantilize what's real life.
Enlisting unreasonable scenerios
Creative now with lies
And denials and exit strategies,
Scapegoats of close members of family, accusatory..
Blame all but yourself
Inflammatory story's demise
Because the lost moments spent
Pining away
Will die unknowing your real life self.
Inside that fog of fictitious false depictions
Who dat?
Starving yourself blind
See there on that podium
Your bad phat shines
Always in first place--gold medal favorite
Hooray it's not quite you or even true.
If pining were a sport
Having lost your minds
You'd all be winners.
Celebrity famous, go on
Crave being extra, so street savvy
"Hey Alexa, Google, Suri
Define obsession."
Pining turns dangerous
In absentia dysplased
Souls are stolen,
Human replicas.
Still carrying on pining
Away.
Killer lover blank.
Got brain? Bullets?
A shiv or Shank?
Sharp as a pine tree...
(Please,
Don't forget to give
Thanks.)
Jul 22, 2020
Jul 22, 2020 at 11:27 AM UTC
Maybe this is just me being paranoid
or crotchety, ****** or rude
Maybe I shouldn’t even write these things down
Maybe you’re just not in the mood
Maybe I’ve come up with scenerios that are completely out of this world
Maybe I’ve done my research and I know there’s another girl
Maybe she’s skinnier, prettier and a lot less far
maybe she’s calmer, easy going and has her own car
Maybe she’s willing to do what I’m not willing to
Maybe she fits better into your box you’re trying to fit yourself into
Maybe she doesn’t nag or yell or complain
Maybe she’s not stressed out and has more time to enjoy life and play
Maybe she is perfect for you but you still choose me
Maybe she doesn’t even exist and we are still a great possibility
Maybe I’m scared and maybe I’m wrong
Maybe we actually do belong
Maybe I just want you to tell me whether I’m making this harder or easier
Maybe I just want to hear you say that no matter what, we’ll always be together
Maybe I need you more than ever and I hug myself at night
Maybe I want to feel your love before, during and after a fight
Aug 13, 2013
Aug 13, 2013 at 3:43 AM UTC
I crave doses of my past lifestyle/life
even though I'm content with the lessons I learnt from it; the cravings still linger.
The way we smoked cigarettes till the brim of the fliter on the roof
and spoke as much ******** as the number of cigarettes in the box allowed us to.
Star gazing as though the night would never end,
Creating dumb scenerios of how the world would end.
Or we'd simply listen to the silence of the night as though it had a deep cryptic secret for us hidden in each sound of nature.
It was as if life beyond my childhood days had not existed till that time with
You.
My heart lusts for a hollow feeling like that again but in a humble way as though it knows that such love only exists in a dream
Kinda like a dream you'd wake up from and instantly forget because your mind/heart cannot fathom such for the consious mind.
I remember that Summer like it was yesterday
I had bad religion by frank ocean on repeat subconsiously for weeks and when I realized that,
I knew I had to get my **** together for my own sanity.
Then orange Autumn arrived...
And there's something about the transition from
SUMMER to AUTUMN
that makes everything seem better than before.
As I watched the leaves fall from their roots a piece of my torn heart healed each time & the hue of the sun marinated its therapeutic rays on my frozen soul
One thing I learnt from that Summer was that I had to know what's worth chasing & what's worth forgetting forever
Dec 17, 2013
Dec 17, 2013 at 11:26 PM UTC
my neck bends in a whirlwind of intoxicating
panic
as my blood laps like waterfall through my
ill veins, I die in rememberence of you
the way a butterfly lays on the leaf
and gives out its last second to nature gentely
that is how I give in
I move in front of you with no fear
stare into eyes that resemble mine
you were like a sister
lover
forbidden in each of our places
seperatley, when you were so close
like skin on skin
blood in blood
searching for our greater meaning
we almost found it
then it slipped through
our young, rough hands
like liquid silk
if it were with broken ankles
I would run to you and throw
myself into your chest
and curl up into you
as my life had been taken away from me
and you returned it gracefully
I would weep
if I lived in that world
that does not exsist
that I play with in my mind
sometimes, when coming to you
is not a choice, but I must
I make our world
that was so much more beautiful then the
one we lived in temporarily
I know it is you that belongs to me
but I let you go
you needed to be free
I must admitt I hunger for you awfully
I miss the similar beauty
alabaster chronic diluted in a purging
of looking for the greater thing within
I feel you in that
decadent inspiration brought forth
by you, I will not receive that from anyone
understand my passion excerted from small scenerios
I have a respect given for, and its you
I am lurid
naked
cold and I shiver
underneath the reality that has
placed itself upon my back like a fire of nights
you see, my skin has melted off
my blood has been drained
and I dont feel those things anymore
but I know they are there
to your presence I have become unaware
I bend my neck and in all honesty you couldn't have been
proved more guilty, hours when immersed in our silence
I thought, and came to this conclusion
watching your wooden face unrecognizable
on the outskirts of some forgein place in my head
you are not here anymore
you are dead
Jan 8, 2011
Jan 8, 2011 at 5:03 AM UTC
a spitting image of scenerios I once lived, flickering...
project inside my head
thanks to light leaking into my eye sockets
and the acid from inside my stomach
when i experience reflux because of stress
i have recreated a movie within myself to watch
ah, i drank too much
before realizing i drank too much
and since when did i smoke?
Feb 17, 2015
Feb 17, 2015 at 7:03 PM UTC
Physically And chemically Addicted is One thing.
Being mentally Addicted
Is Another.
I'm A Smart Girl.
Unfortunally I'm clever For what's opposite of Good.
I've been Addicted Chemically.
So Hooked I felt I Needed to Get High To continue Breathing.
I needed A fix everyday To function in life.
I've been addicticted Emotionally.
Every time I Felt Some sort of sadness. I needed to Take
A hit or do A line.
I didn't want to deal with my problems or feel Upsetting emotions.
Ive been Addicted Physically.
I Was Inlove With the routine of Fixing A Line. I Was obsessed With Packing, lighting , Melting and hitting the pookie. It all amazed me and I was stuck on The routine.
Im Currently Addicted mentally.
I consider this To Be
the worsest thing.
You see I've been Sober.
My minds constantly Reminding It's self About the good times.
I'm Always Coming across Things that Remind me of getting high.
When I'm Unhappy, Thinking of dope gets me happy.
It's insane.
To Conpletly Stop This horrific cycle I must Work On Forgetting About It .
Need to learn not to reminisce.
I've Relapsed.
All due To my mentality.
It's clever ways Have made its sources To my Brain.
It Plans Scenerios Before it Plays
Sep 4, 2017
Sep 4, 2017 at 6:07 AM UTC