I was thinking
    Thinking out loud
Did you hear me?
      ' Cause I screamed out so loud
    When I was Sinkin
          Sinking in my  mind
       And it was flooding
             Flooding through my eyes
          It drained to my cheeks
               Made a home on my dimples
             It drew its own map
It demacated its own boundaries
Boundaries restrictin me from being me
So am never the Archetect I wanted to be
How other people's greed will even eat you up
How other people's greed would love to drink from your cup
It drunk from my cup even ate me up
'Cause now I feel it all alone
Friends with hospitals at age 17
For you gave me to a man who never loved me
But used me and abused me for the something he paid you
It only happens to women so you can never understand
The acts of woman life before my age
Now my womb is wounded
   So I was thinking....
This cancer that I have
For you are the cause,
Will you bear my pain or Drink these pills everyday on my behalf???

If I die after this poem

If this was my last poem
Would I get nostalgic about home
Would I deny having to say goodbye
As shock leaves me unable to own

The knowledge of the truth, would
I acknowledge my wasted youth
Will I leave the world behind me any better than I came,did I even do

Anything g worth the space I used
Or am I just
At best left as an example to the rest
Of how not to rust

And become unable to be useful
Unable to have purpose
I never expected to be perfect but with the thought of being worthless

I'm left with disgust from lust
And every good thing I've ****** up
The times I was unreasonable, lazy
Petty, confrontational or the trust

I misused, betrayed, mistakes made
And the Opportunity that meant so
Lil that I didnt question its acquittal
So the riddle is why my potential

Was so obviously expendable
Why was I such a disinterested kid
When did I start to ignore wanting
More, when did I accept all I did

And if this was my last poem I think
Id be overwhelmingly disappointed
I think it's time for a reflection, hey
*******?! Do I need an appointment

Have your ppl call my ppl and have them set up a lunch
At a corner table and hopefully I'm able to find a cap that says "dunce"

Cause u done capped the dunce cap
Capacity and with it
You have totally proved that as far as being a fool goes the sky is the limit

Too late now to be timid
Let's open your past and relive it
Gave away a baby for adoption
And often fail sobrietys trail so if it

Isn't your addiction then it's the
Damage preventing healthy livin
even Stevie wonder needs no vision to see your overweight restrictin'

Your future position like a collision
Is what you aspire to
Maybe it's the way they wires you
Why did you have no desire to

Improve or move toward anything
But drugs or
Some-kind of indulging it's revolting
And insulting more

to life's gift, as it sits unused like
It was something that proved
Unworthy of your nurturing so you
Go murdering it with misuse

Negligence that induced abuse
Leaving the bruise clear to see
So you better remember this letter
And what entered to center these

Issues that epiphany issues you
And hits you to make sure u listen to
The prognostic foreshadowing topic
As if a second chance is given to

Be merciful to how un-personable  
And ignorant you are
As if your so useless and stupid it
Would be unfair to not give u par

For 50 strokes, handicap to the joke
And your probably on dope
Or too stupid and slow too see just how insulting that really is although

I hope you don't miss all the implications left here and switch
From the fat balloon shaped ape brain baboon like Bafoon to it's

Evolved form.. Whatever that is
Brain of **** to something with
More IQ to help by leaving you to
match a Popsicles Witt

And lastly I'll give a view to conclude saying if this is the last before u died
than the most poetic thing about this
Poem would be the irony it provides

Tell me how your money tastes
When coal ash is the soil
Salt whatever’s left of earth
With oceans brought to boil
In a neoliberal melting ***
Of glacial-dripping progress
Made of ivory indifference
To an oil-rigged election process
Choking us with demagogic smog
To clog the ballot bog
With gerrymander clans
Of truth deniers
Lie suppliers
And the sycophantic slimers
Of the doomsday dime demisers
So my Nero lyre fire
Is their funeral empyre
I aspire to be Caesar
Of the aether
But the diem of my seizure
Of the power will be Pyrrhic
In its victory
When contras keep restrictin’ me
From socializing all the means
To end the end of history