For the life of me, I just can’t figure it out
I’m always headed down the right road
but outta nowhere, I’m forced to stop
with the emotions & feelings within
that were invested in someone before I hit a dead end
Here I am thinking we’re side by side
but when I look around, she’s not there
I’m just standing there all by myself
trying to figure out what I did wrong
so I can resolve it & get back to where I belong
You were waiting for me to make a mistake
but it never happened, my ways never changed
& you saw how my heart was designed
I gave you all of me but there was never an exchange
Our road ends here with no happiness being captured
No love being the focus & no mutual happiness to be shared
Becoming distant & falling outta interest even faster
Watching everything fall apart in front of me but I don’t try to fix it
Saying goodbye to what used to be knowing deep down, I’ll probably miss it
- Pencasso

Crazy how your dream come true can soon become a nightmare
looking for the heart where home is but no one is there
existing within a blank space, falling hopelessly
waiting for it to end & maybe it’ll set you free
Who knew love would hurt so bad or turn you into a rebel
not wanting to feel it anymore

After the heartbreak, the rain no longer sounds the same
it’s just the sky crying for you & cleansing you from the pain
Unable to express how you feel so music becomes your soundtrack
& the emptiness within makes you want the memories back
Heartbreak of a full moon, feeling lost with nowhere to go or an exit to seek peace
just dead black roses that resemble a torn love by your feet   - King Pencasso

For the 1st time in my life, I'm exciting to announce that I'm officially a published author. I've been working on this book for the past 6yrs & it's finally available for purchase for those who're interested in knowing my story. I appreciate any support that I get & it means the world to me if it inspires someone out there who's going through the same situations as me. Happy to share my story with you all & I hope you enjoy it. Thanks in Advance

- King Pencasso

https://www.authorhouse.com/en/bookstore/bookdetails/844426-from-darkness-to-light

I feel like I’m Stuck on Stupid

whenever I’m With You

& although I’m the birth child of
Cupid

i try to be the Best Man I Can Be

& it’s Simply Amazing

cause All I Want is You my
Sweet Lady

& All My Life I’ve prayed for

that Angel of Mine, my
Cherie Amour  -Pencasso

I’ve been looking for love in temporary places where it can’t be found
Looking for that loyalty with one night stands that couldn’t hold me down
Love making all over the bedroom except the one place where it should be
Falling for the same temptation that I hoped wouldn’t catch me
Charming whoever falls for it knowing what we have won’t last long
Walking away after making love knowing it’s not where my heart belongs
Making love to you vs them is different when it’s passionate between us
I’m doing all this casual hookups knowing your heart breaking is my weakness
For the longest, I’ve been blind by the temptations of love that I ignored
The main one that my heart became attached to adored
*** Ain’t Better Than Love but I needed to feel the void of being alone
Knowing that I was out there by myself & wasn’t ready to establish a home
A boy can’t be a man when he’s too busy still trying to live immaturely
Seeking something pleasuring yet short lived cause he hasn’t learned to love fully
Not sure what the objective was but no source of happiness was discovered
Thought I was looking out for myself when in reality, my heart’s the one that suffered
I guess one must be foolish before he realizes when a true love isn’t present
Making all the right mistakes before he starts to truly miss the perfect blessing
I’ve been sexually attached to a few but there’s nothing like falling for what’s yours
Knowing that the greatest feeling in the world is the love that’s made to be just for you

                                               - Pencasso

We used to be very close but somewhere down the road, we parted ways
You fell for someone & the day he came around, things haven’t been the same
Haven’t been happy in a long time but you started showing me it doesn’t matter
Tried talking about it but the discussion we had only made me sadder
I faked a smile until I couldn’t fake it anymore so now I exist in silence
We’ll never be a happy family if there’s no sign for an alliance
You always tell me to speak how I feel but in the end, what’s the use?
When you’re just gonna give me that “I’m living my life” excuse?
You don’t understand the heartbreak I feel within
It’s deja vu & here you are walking away from me all over again
Although I’m all grown up, I’m still your baby boy struggling to share the love
That I used to have growing up & it gave me the faith to never give up
I get it that you wanna be happy but you forgot about your family
I thought it was all a dream until I woke up & saw it was true reality
You don’t know the tears I’ve cried knowing that my mom is no longer present
It’s the same pain I felt when I was living as an adolescent
I lost my dad when I was younger & the last thing I needed was to lose you
And I can’t talk to God being so angry that it won’t bring peace or get thru to you
I lost my best friend, the Queen of the Kingdom, & my Dear Mother
It feels like you know I’m not happy but it’s my pain you won’t bother to discover
It’s pure jealousy of my part because I still can’t accept someone else being around
To take away all of your time leaving me feeling like maybe I let you down
Never thought it would come to this but I can no longer carry these tears
I can no longer live in this home knowing that I’m fading away due to the fears
Fearing that the day will come & you’ve completed forgotten about me
Leaving me alone for you to live forever after without me
This wasn’t my idea for a Mother’s Day gift but this is my poem’s cry
As I cry thru this confession asking myself why
Why did I have to lose my mom? Why am I feeling like I don’t have anything left inside?
Telling myself & you that I’m okay knowing that I’m lying
I’m sorry if I’m feeling like I’m losing you but things are truly changing
Maybe I’m stopping us from being a family but maybe there’s still time for saving
Every rose needs the rain sometimes but this rose is dying out
Struggling to stay alive a bit longer but the petals have officially cried out
                                                   - Pencasso

The picture is clear
but the essence breaks me
to admire the concept
yet the idea hates me

To feel appealing
but lack the origins
or the praise from within
to accept the
beauty within the ugliness

They say pictures are worth
a million words
but sometimes, the art
can’t get over the curbs
fearing what lies
on the other side of life

To most, it may seem pointless
but to certain eyes
it’s a work of expression
afraid of indulging in its
own blessing   - Pencasso

I’ve written my whole life in words
over 1,900+ poems to date
but what’s a poet to do
when he’s run out of things to say  - Pencasso

in a world full of people

a circle of those i love

close to those i care for

somehow i still feel alone

- pencasso

there is no voice

there is no expression

a world & heart that’s empty

I’d flatline

without it, i don’t exist

but most of all, I’d be no more   - Pencasso

heart for an heart

soul for a soul

honesty from the start

if marriage is the goal

even if it’s only friends

i wanna see it flourish
before it ends

for everything i am, i
need all of you

love ain’t love if i only
have half of you  -king pencasso

we don’t live the same life
don’t share the same belief
you feel I’m lying a lie
my lifestyle you don’t agree
but we sin every day
& every day we pray
for God’s forgiveness
just in a different way
you live by the book
I live by my own views
just because I don’t follow the path
doesn’t make me any less than you
I am of no religion
but God is the Greatest
holiness or spiritual
for the final say so, we’re all adjacent  - Pencasso

I’m not sick or insane
not normal or crazy
just different from the rest
i battle with my demons
just like you
depression is my best friend
anxiety is my side kick
i believe what’s not real
& sometimes I’m not sure how i feel
constantly under a dark cloud
or just sinking in my thoughts
no medication needed
no pity or sympathy
I feel dead on the inside
& some call me crazy
but I’m at war with myself
judgements don’t phase me
worry too much over irrelevance
over thinking but never for the hell of it

There’s Nothing Wrong With Me  .... Pencasso

heartbreak ahead
all signs ignored
no love to be found
the damage happens early
but I don’t stop the fall
delusional, I might be
crazy in love & empty
the pain is strong
the love is stronger
but although it breaks me
this love is where I belong

- Pencasso

lately I’ve been feeling SAD!

& i Fall Apart even on good days

sometimes life can be like
the Matrix

deja vu & insomnia, i just wanna
Sleep

cause it feels like I’m Moving Mountains

i save those around me but i can’t
Save Myself

but i guess it’s true what they say
everybody dies in their nightmares   - Pencasso

they fear what they don’t understand
& i only aim to be a better man
than i was yesterday
so every night on bending knees i pray
for closure of the past
so the future will last
& as i look back on who i was prior
my only desire is to inspire
those who may look up to me
as the inspiration to which i don’t see
but when that day comes
when all my tears no longer run
the pieces of my heart finally come together
to make me whole again, then I’ll be better
better for myself, my family, to finally love thee
I’ll soon be home, i will be free one day indeed
- Pencasso

looked forward to the future
possibly a family with you
took a min but i was opening up to you
saw a best friend in you
& a source of peace within you
tough love but i wanted to love you

then it all came crashing down
there i am looking like a clown
guess who’s more shut off now
not willing to trust anymore now
i was flying high till you shot me down
sad enough like the rest, you let me down

i now talk with the rain
cause that numbs my pain
cause when the sunshines, I’m not the same
**** love, it’s all a ***** game
such a shame
even with the liquor & poems to cope with
I’ll always hurt the same  - pencasso

Right now I’m empty
not sure what I’m feeling
I wanna love you
but i need healing

Can’t have you loving me
when I’m currently lost
trying to find myself
but don’t give up on me

If you feel pushed away
please stay
be patient & don’t
take your love away

This isn’t me, it’s the pain
I don’t even smile the same
I’ve fallen apart but i can’t
ask you to repair me

In due time, I’ll return
to give you what you deserve
the real me, that pure gold heart
i just need space for a fresh start  - pencasso

you fear the rain & the thunder
in silence where you suffer
sunshine for the masses
inside you’re shattered
rain drops dance from the eyes
causing the soul to keep dry
the rain describes you as weak
so you share it for one
that’s who you trust
don’t fear the rain
let it shower you
for its whole purpose
is to empower you
- Pencasso

a best friend
the creation of endless smiles
& the glow of its compliments
the spark that lights up the sky
the sweetest hello
the hardest goodbye
& when my world goes dark
you’re the diamond in my sky

- Pencasso

I hear Voices in my Head

during the Edge of Destruction

when I’m feeling like a Monster

& maybe it’s the Way I Am

for showing No Love

to those who’ve made me
Heartless  -Pencasso

If i perish before the roses fall from those I love most, let one thing be remembered of me until the end of time. Not the way I impacted those I cared for but my mission to spark the change to which I was inspired to be & the change I wanted to see. My upbringing was nothing worth glorifying but it made me the man I became before those who chose to worship the very grounds I graced & those who chose to travel the same path to which I paved. I know in life, death comes before people reveal how they feel about you or how much you meant to their lives but what’s the use when I’ll no longer be around to hear these heartfelt letters of grief. So if I shall perish before I know the capacity those true feelings from the masses, let it be the one that allows my soul to rest peacefully but my legacy will be admired for generations yet to arise. I’m a man of plenty mistakes but nothing short of outstanding & my message will always be the same, Be Great By Any Means
- Pencasso

When time finally runs out
& the world comes to a halt

When the sun ducks behind the moon
& darkness comes our new light

When the rain stops falling
& the lighting fades away

When there’s no more words to say
& all there’s left is silence

Right here is where I’ll be
with you for all eternity
for all i need in this world
is just you & me   - Pencasso

our love formed in the midst
of falling leaves
warm afternoons &
cold nights
it’s winter where my heart is
but paradise when in your
presence

the sun shined bright as a
diamond but it couldn’t
spring into a Summers June
love built for a cooling March
but still December’s freezing
falling in love
when we’re outta season

bonding beautifully but
more perfect apart
more dysfunctional than
Carolina weather
we’re unsure if we wanna rain
or shine
capture love in the heat or fall
apart like October’s leaves  -king pencasso

living just ain’t what it used
to be

because you’re not
next to me

without the love of a Queen
a house can’t be a home

& if i can’t live life with you
then I’d rather live life alone  - Pencasso