So... You like me.
Like... Me. ME. ACTUALLY me? Who I ACTUALLY am?

I told you my flaws, you kissed my scars.
No one's ever made me feel that beautiful.

You told me your demons, dark depths to your soul;
my heart cried, my heart bled, my heart yearned for you.

"What flaws do you think you have?" -what? What flaws do I THINK I have? You don't see? You don't see them? They're SCATTERED, they're LITTERED all over my body...
but than again you're the first man I've ever been interested in who hasn't seen me without my clothes.

Without my clothes, unclothed... You have; you've seen the most naked part to me. You've seen my skin -not the one that's tattered & lined with battle wounds, but the one that's under that. The one that's full of my words & thoughts & heart.

My God, you are beautiful.
Yes, beautiful. The word, the meaning, you don't often give to people. The title you are very particular & careful about when using... Yes. You are beautiful. You find me beautiful, you find me "charismatic, confident, and beautiful." Oh, but if only you knew how insecure & ugly I can be. If only you knew how terrified I am.

Secretly I think you do. Do you feel that way too?
I'm not sure what to feel or what to think, but these fireworks -these bright light displays- are going off in my mind & my heart. The moment we kissed, the moment you looked at me, the moment you kissed my scars -my head exploded, my heart soon followed.
You're leaving me breathless. You're giving me chills. You're making me think things I shouldn't, though they feel so good, but they get overclouded by the fear & the doubt.

You'll leave like all the others, I shouldn't get my hopes up.

But what if it's my heart that you're getting up?

BEAM ME UP.

There comes a time where we are at a loss for words,
we know what we feel yet we fail to express it like empty, incomplete chords.
What to say and how to say it becomes rather difficult
easier said than done, sometimes off oblivion and turmoil you just wanna catapult.....

and so here's a twist of fate, to my rather regular form of expression innate

I am who I am and I've always been me
lately things have overclouded beyond what I can comprehend
It's amazing what you can hide, just by putting on a smile.
The mirrors, they can lie and tell you you're full of life

but truth be told? I'm not okay...

I'm loosing myself trying to compete with everyone else
giving off my time to things that uphold my supposed passions and dedications,
friendships, interactions... all for what?!

instead of just being me...

I do things that I begin to question why?
Why do we do the things we do? It's empty and its beginning to hurt me.
I find no sense in keeping up with it, can I just be weak for a little? just a little...

Can I be selfish and desire things for myself rather than desire things for the good of others?
in the same manner, can you just cry a little? Lie a little? Pretend that you're actually feeling what I'm feeling inside, then maybe all the misery I've gone through would be well spent.

Respect, forgiveness, acceptance, understanding, sacrifice...
Why does it always have to be me? I gave and now I'm wanting something in return.
Perhaps something where I don't have to exert myself and take initiative for.

I don't know where to turn, I've been stuck in this routine...
and I'm probably saying so many things of so many origins and different perspectives

but don't we all sometimes? Don't we all say things that are open to interpretations and things that don't make sense in a desperate attempt to express what we feel? In the end, don't we all just say things in hopes that someone understands the pain that we go through

In the end, we don't want to be left alone.. we want to be cared for
In the end, we don't want to be avoided... we want to matter
In the end, we don't want to hide it all... we want to say it..

I feel terribly wrong
The moon doesn't shine
the planets are not aligned
My stomach sinks and I can't control
my heartbeat
Overclouded and no rain
Just a bunch of flying mistakes
I can't stay still, my feet run when I sleep
Courageous, I've been called
But murmurs of weakness I hear
And I feel like death is near
where can I find peace?
Where the leaves are colored
And the sea is aqua blue and the sun's rays are sharp
This palace is my solitude
This feeling is my prison
I can't escape it nor calm it down
It's tied to my veins