how could i possibly describe what
an auditory hallucination
feels like?
if the auditory hallucination is merely your name,
so clearly stated...
M'ah-T'eh-OOSH...
while you're on the job?
what if it's a sound akin to... a swarm of flies...
and it penetrates your "hearing"
with a needle sharpness: as if someone
just poked a needle into your ear?
- yet hallucinating is not like hearing...
even though: we're talking about
something auditory...
calmness but at the same time:
being completely startled...
when it comes to hallucinating your own
name... it feels like... a gust: a pick-me-up
of a cold wind...
come to think of it:
i was sometimes afraid of my own thoughts
than any hallucination...
perhaps it was a good thing that i refrained
from taking up a chance to ingest
some magic mushrooms...
i think i'll save that little adventure
for a time when i'll be old...
hardly spontaneous...
senile, perhaps even dementia prone: it runs
in the family...
well... i escaped the heritage of genes
that produce blindness / amputees:
diabetes... and only my maternal grandfather
had dementia... but just in case...
Amsterdam it will be... then ******* off
to some little wood on the flatland...
or a wheat-field and ingesting a mushroom
or two... but not yet...
not when i still write from my own
initiative...
alcohol hasn't rotted my brain: not quiet
enough... i'll save up time for this booster...
- and to think... so many people might
want to try to go mad...
but rarely ever do...
i watch them: confined to their solipsistic
placebo thinking-mediums
and... it's not that i pity them...
but it's... so varied... when you think...
but also can... dare i say, enjoy?
an auditory hallucination?
who wouldn't... if some "external" source
identified you, knew your name...
that's why i never "think" that i am alone:
i know i'm not... life can pass
its own little"game"...
save some.. waste a whole lot of:
proxy.
