I live in one of those small
mostly untainted towns
not trendy, just funky and innocent
the kind that’s becoming rara villa en terra.
No Starbucks.

But modern winds bring dust and particles
from larger cities around.
They have infected our fauna
which are morphing before our eyes.

Last week I was at the pond
where the deer come to drink at dusk
and my heart broke.

There was that huge seven-point whitetail buck
the one I so admired
huge, taut and fast
but instead of hooves
he was trod with Goodyear offroad tires.
He saw me see him
and embarrassed turned and sped away into the trees
leaving rubber treadmarks in the loam.

Those times
we'd go four wheelin'
with nothing on
but the bikini top
were the best of times.

We'd jam Thorogood,
take a cooler
& disappear
way up
into the hills,
get lost in the blm lands
near skagway.

And those trips
into phantom canyon
always gave us
a chance to unwind.
Pulling offroad
up into the conifers
sealed my fate with you.

You were the perfect date
Sunshine.
With nothing on
but a red bandana,
screaming hallelujah
on the roll bar.

And there was never
anybody around,
but you
and the warblers
and me.

You are the sun
I know that you already know that line,
but anthropomorphic sunshine is really hard to find.
I
just wanna know if I’m Romeo or Icarus

I know you’re with Count Paris,
He’s older, he’s stronger, he’s smarter, and he’s got higher testosterone,
while I’m from another house with my wings of wax and feathers
and feeling so alone

And I want to meet him, with his kids and new wife
I’ll say “I’ve heard so much about you, and all the things that you do, and I think you should keep doing those things because she deserves to be treated right”
I’ll turn to you and say I’m so lucky to have been able to be a part of your life
And I’m sorry and I love you, and I’m sorry and I love you,
And I’m sorry and I love you,
And thanks for being you

Thanks for letting me be a part of some small trip in the journey called your life
I’m so happy that you found the right road that leads you where you want to go
Thanks for getting in the car with me and for taking it offroad,
Showing me the most beautiful path of love that I now know
Although the word trip works for what we had both as tumbling and traveling
And we swerved around many obstacles, seeing just as many crows as crocuses during our time together it was still the best trip I could have ever wished for
Every love letter and every image of us now sits in the glove box,
Always there and always ready if I ever need a memory of what real love should be

Because sometimes I just can’t remember
the softness of your voice as you lay in my arms and whisper “I love you.”
My incessant desire to smile whenever my eyes meet yours.
So I ardently await the recollection of the previously accustomed feeling of your hand in mine, fingers intertwined, skeletons weaved together from your ankle up through my spine as time just stands still.

Every day I have to fight the desire to ask you to come back, so I can finally hold you tight
Every day I wish for a chainsaw to connect with my chest,
cutting open this cage called my ribs so I could reach in and offer you my heart.
Because I just want to be closer to you
and I know no God would never turn you back into a bone just left of my sternum

Every night I dream of December 22,
Or January 1, February 14 and May 31 too
But why should those matter when there’s December 24
And December 27 and oh so many more

I love that you love yourself and although I’d love it if your happiness would come from me
**** at least I can sleep at night knowing that you’re finally truly happy and finally truly free
I don’t know what makes a happy story,
And although much of what we had was melancholy, or calmly clamorous, I’m glad we had a happy ending
I’m so glad to have been lucky enough to have grown with you

And I’m sorry and I love you,
And I’m sorry and I love you,
And I’m sorry and I love you,

And thank you and I love you

Ran the vintage van
Along the trees
Offroad tires
Can bring you long way
In the end
Except help you deal
With the friction in the beginning