I had a dream about you last night.
You were laying in my childhood backyard.
I tried to pick you up,
but you were broken.
My mind refusing this reality
made you wake up.
You couldn't walk straight,
but you were your lively self.
Suddenly we were inside,
in my current home.
You jumped onto the couch;
Made silly noises like you always did.
But they were haunting.
My mind made you live as you are
body still broken.
Because you're in the ground,
and I'm roaming the earth looking for you.
Only to see you in my dreams.
At least I got to hold you
One last time.

I need to stand up,
but I am to heavy;
apathetic; hollow.
I wasn't expecting this,
I'm so sorry.
I failed you.
I can't distract myself from reality.
This is all my fault.
I should have treated you better,
I was just so tired; overworked; overburdened.
I brought you into my hurricane
only to be buried a child.
I'm so sorry I couldn't teach you,
to find a way to make you listen;
make you look up.
I loved you to death,
I'm sorry I was to jaded to give you what you needed.
I miss you so much,
I didn't expect this to be so heavy.
I keep seeing your joyous face,
and then the hole in the ground.
Child, I am so sorry.
You deserved better,
you deserved a long life,
you deserved open air.
I did the best I could,
but I can't make you look up,
I can't make their car stop,
I can't wake you up.
I failed you young one.
I'm so sorry.