"nima" poems
Nima showed me
her aunt's apartment
in London. Posh place,
up market. She had
her own key to get in,
and once we entered,
she closed the door
behind us and leaned
against it like one having
found the Promised Land.
So what do you think?
She asked. Lovely place.
Does she live here alone?
No, she has a daughter;
moody ***** has her
own crowd, sort of in-lot.
We wandered around,
room to room and stood
at last in the kitchen.
Coffee? Tea? She asked.
Tea, please, two sugars,
little milk, I replied.
Take a seat in the lounge,
I'll bring it through.
I went in the lounge;
posh place, a settee
of white soft material,
chairs brown, aged,
but antique and fragile
looking. There were
paintings on the walls,
water colours, rural,
country scenes, horses,
fox hunts, red coated
hunters, hedges, trees.
There was a large table,
armchairs, lovely carpet,
and a lampshade in one
corner. Nima came in
carrying a tray with two
cups in saucers, spoons,
sugar bowl, jug of milk.
She put it down on a small
coffee table by the settee.
She sat down next to me
and kissed my cheek.
At last,she said, just us,
alone, no nosey parkers,
no nurses or medical
quacks to interfere or
spoil our fun or lives.
I sat gazing around
the room. You been
here before? Of course,
as a child I often came
and stayed if my parents
were too busy with their
careers or away on the
matters medical. I smelt
her perfume, sensed her
thigh touch mine, soft,
moving against mine.
Why were you sectioned?
I asked, looking at her.
Drugs and a sudden mental
breakdown and attempts
on my life by me, she said.
I see, I said, studying her
closer, each aspect of her
features. Forget that, she
said, lets drink up our drinks
and get to bed and have ***
Whose bed? The spare, not
Aunt's, she said, smiling.
Is it a single or double bed?
Double with silk sheets, so
watch out you don't slip out
of bed while having it away.
We drank our drinks quickly,
then she showed me the bath
and the toilet and the bedroom.
What if your aunt returns?
She's in Ireland with her moody
daughter, won't be back until
Monday week, Nima said.
First a bath together, then
hot ***** *** in bed, she said.
Nov 29, 2015
Nov 29, 2015 at 2:21 AM UTC
You're my man, my mighty king,
And I'm the jewel in your crown,
You're the sun so hot and bright,
I'm your light-rays shining down,
You're the sky so vast and blue,
And I'm the white clouds in your chest,
I'm a river clean and pure,
Who in your ocean finds her rest,
You're the mountain huge and high,
I'm the valley green and wide,
You're the body firm and strong,
And I'm a rib bone on your side,
You're an eagle flying high,
I'm your feathers light and brown,
You're my man, my king of kings,
And I'm the jewel in your crown.
- Nima Akbari -
Apr 12, 2015
Apr 12, 2015 at 3:17 PM UTC
I gaze at the dark skies,
said Nima, it matches
my depression in depth
and mood, sitting in
the hospital ward
in my private room
my parents paid for.
They come now and then,
my mother more,
to moan and criticise,
to moralise about
my life and deeds.
I wait for Benedict to come;
he brings me cigarettes
and chocs, brings me
news of the outside world.
I have met him in London
if the quacks allow me out
on a day or weekend pass.
We stayed one night
at that cheap hotel
off Charing Cross Road:
the bed was old
and creaked each time
we made love or moved
in nightly passion.
I do not think
he will come today:
he works all week days
as a rule; I must contend
alone with my mood
and mind and dark skies
and day to day depression
in my own way and fashion.
Jul 30, 2018
Jul 30, 2018 at 2:55 AM UTC
Nima's mother came
to the side ward
where her daughter Nima
was sitting by a window
in her dressing gown
looking at the passing trains.
You look no better,
her mother said.
Better than what?
Nima said,
turning to eye her mother.
Than last time,
her mother said,
walking into the ward,
and sitting in a chair
by the bed.
You look tired.
I am tired,
always tired,
Nima said,
looking away
from her mother,
focusing on a train
going by.
Her mother sighed.
You need to get better,
how is the treatment?
Ask the quacks
they're in charge
not me,
Nima said,
watching a milk float
go by on the road
across the way.
You are a very
spoilt child and rude,
her mother said.
Have you come
to upset me or what?
Nima said.
Have you seen
that boy again?
May have,
Nima said,
turning to gaze
at her mother.
Have you or not?
Her mother said
in a firmer voice.
What is it to you
whom I see?
Nima said.
He could be
a drug pusher
and you'd be back
in dirt hole again,
her mother said.
He's not a pusher,
he has nothing to do
with drugs which
is why I like him,
Nima said,
remembering she
and Benny in
the cheap hotel bed
making out
at the weekend.
Is he our type?
Mother said.
Our type?
I doubt it very much
and am glad,
Nima said.
Her mother sighed
and stood up
and walked to where
her daughter sat
and stood over her.
If it wasn't for me
you'd be in some
cheap ward
with the others,
Mother said coldly.
When did you
see him last?
At the weekend,
Nima said,
seeing in her mind's eye
she and Benny
in the bed stark naked,
curtains drawn back
taking in the view.
What did you do?
Mother said.
Nothing much,
sat and talked,
Nima said,
remembering
the landlady coming
to the door with tea
that Sunday morning
and Benny going
to the door
in just his underwear
and she(Nima) smiling
at the landlady's stare.
Sep 7, 2016
Sep 7, 2016 at 3:53 AM UTC
Nima splashed water from one
of the fountains in Trafalgar Square
over Baruch. Laughing she did
it again, but he side-stepped, like
one out of rain, hands wide as if
to bless. He'd met her a few moments
before; by Nelson's Column, she’d
written from her hospital bed, drug
taking recovering (so said), cold
turkey or whatever she'd scribed.
Finishing the ablutions, she walked
on, he followed, stepping beside
her, catching her in profile, taking
in her cropped hair, brown, washed
and washed. She talked of the nursing
staff, who talked of her behind her
back, some at least, she added, chat
of the *** cupboard we used, that
time you came, she said, laughing,
walking out of the Square, along by
the gallery, her voice too loud, he
thought, but sounded out by the
traffic passing. She was clothed in
a blue dress, too short, he thought,
seeing her thighs, sans stockings or
tights, sandaled feet. They went into
Leicester Square, she talking of one
of the quacks she'd seen, head case,
foreign, fancies himself, she added.
Baruch, spied the billboards, new
films, merchandise, drinks, cigarettes,
lowering his eyes, watching her sway
her hips and **** hands swinging,
gesturing. She stopped by a bench
and sat down, he did likewise, ears
catching her words, holding them in
his mind, something about them being
jealous of my sexuality she added,
giving Baruch the eye, maybe thinking
me a ***** a druggie slapper, she
said laughing, her hand rubbing against
the top of his, he sensing skin on skin,
remembering, the quickie in the side
room, cupboard size, just off the ward.
He talked of his boring job, the mind
numbing labours, the Coltrane jazz LP,
played on and on, he said, eyes closed.
She lay her head on his shoulder, he felt,
smelt the combination of expensive scent
and hospital smell (soaps or disinfectants),
felt her fingers rubbing his. She took out
a cigarette, offered him one, he took and
she lit up with red plastic lighter. Inhaled,
exhaled, inhaled, silence, her hand wrestled
with his, watching smoke rise, upwards,
twirling, in the hot summer spread skies.
Aug 1, 2013
Aug 1, 2013 at 2:04 AM UTC
I would have loved
to have had ***
with Kafka
Nima said
something about him
the photo of him
I sat opposite her
in the café
in Charing Cross Road
she had a coke
I sipped coffee
I feel the same
about Marilyn Monroe
I said
love to have got
her in bed
Nima looked at me
disdainfully
you would
she said
not necessarily
for ***
I said
just to listen
to her voice
sense her being there
the scent of her
Nima shook her head
ok I’d listen to Kafka
and sense
his being there
but ********
his **** off
at the same time
she said
an old guy
on the other side
of the café
gave her a look
have you read
any of his books?
I asked
some
she said
the one where he turns
into a big beetle
actually it doesn't say beetle
in the book
it says gigantic vermin
which people has interpreted
as a beetle or bug
I said
she sipped her coke
it's his body
I want to go to bed
with not his book
she said
he's dead
I said
died in 1924
shame
she said
he doesn’t know
what he's
missed out on
I guess he did
I said
she smiled
have to be satisfied
with his books then
won't I
we drained our drinks
and went on our way
I went to Dobell's
Jazz Record shop
and bought
a Coltrane LP
then we walked
to the train station
where she got a train
to the hospital
where she was being treated
for her drug addiction
I went home to play
my Coltrane
on my record player
via another train
thinking of her
and Kafka
and me and Monroe
having ***
in that cheap hotel
off Trafalgar Square
where Nima and I
once had *** there.
Jun 19, 2014
Jun 19, 2014 at 1:46 AM UTC
Each finds
their own salvation
or not,
Nima said.
Birds fed
in her hair.
Her eyes ******
in black holes,
gave birth to dreams.
I sat beside her,
drank black coffee,
smoked menthol cigarettes,
heard Coltrane
on the HiFi.
How deep
does my soul go?
She asked,
what is *** after all?
I inhaled and looked
at the cavern
of her small
firm *******
Cold turkey,
she said,
rather have
a cool fix.
I sat exhaling
menthol smoke;
the Coltrane runs
on saxophone
caught in my ears.
I think I’ve spiders
in my ******
she said;
big black ones
with hairy legs.
I closed my eyes
supping on
the menthol smoke,
sensing Coltrane's sound
invade my soul.
Nima lay back down,
legs spread,
black beetles
and insects
inside
her drained out
head.
May 30, 2014
May 30, 2014 at 12:04 PM UTC
Nima said the art gallery stank
and all those middle class types
(she being one herself
what with her education
and upbringing and all)
and the usual
bourgeoisie stuff
on the walls
and she huffed
and puffed
and so Naaman took her
to Leicester Square
to some bar he knew
and got her a drink
and lit her a cigarette
and she said
she needed a fix
got the hunger for it
but they’d know
at the hospital
when she got back
and there would be
hell to pay
and the parents
would blow their top
them being doctors and all
and so what they’d say
to her she couldn’t repeat
so she just drank her drink
and smoked her smoke
and Naaman said
he quite liked the art
in the gallery
especially the modern stuff
and the Yank guy
wasn’t really trying
to chat her up
he just wanted
to draw her attention
to the riches
of our monarchy
oh sure he was
she said
he was after
getting into my pants
and she got all verbal
against men and Yanks
and the **** war
in Vietnam
and Naaman just sat
and listened to her jabbering
her eyes lit up
like lights in a harbour
her small **** moving
as she gestured
her tight jeans
(red cords)
hugging her thighs
(a feast to his eyes)
her fingers holding
the cigarette
the pink nails
the unbitten nails
the slim hands
then she stopped
and drained her glass
and said she had
to go ****
and so he watched her go
wiggling her hips
her fine tight ***
and he thought
of that time
in the hospital
at the last visit
when he and she
snuck into that
small room
where they kept
brooms and such
and had a quick ****
she in her nightgown
(pulled up)
and he half
listening out
for sounds
hoping a domestic
didn’t come
and want a broom
or brush
and when she came back
he went off with her
through the Square
and along
Charing Cross Road
she talking of the state
of the toilet back there
the things
some women do
the messy *******
and on she went again
her voice jabbering away
and he knew
she needed her fix
needed it bad
so he got a tube train
to Victoria Station
and on to the hospital
where she was kept
the nurse being
quite concerned
at her state
and took her away
and she waved
(Nima not the nurse)
and blew him a kiss
from her palm
and he blew one back
knowing it wouldn’t reach
her lips or ***
but would do her
no harm.
Aug 26, 2013
Aug 26, 2013 at 2:07 AM UTC
Nima waits
by the Embankment
of the Thames
she has a few hours
freedom
a few hours to do
as she pleases
(within reason)
the doctors said
OK but no
needle pushing
no pill popping
and so she agreed
and was on her way
although the ward sister
wasn't pleased
she didn't like
her wordiness
her being
too up front
for lying
on her bed at night
********* her ****
thinking of Naaman
but she went anyway
took the train
and sits waiting
having put
on the all
too tight dress
(her father's words
on his rare visits)
and the tight top
with yellow birds
and she watches
the water flowing
the boats and barges
and the occasional
row boat going by
and then he's there
having come out
the tube station
concerned looking
his hair dark
and groomed
the jeans
and open necked shirt
been waiting long?
he asks
yes been almost
picked up twice
as a *****
she says
told them
go **** themselves
he looks at her
and beyond
the river's dullness
buses passing by
cars
motorcycles
lorries
the city alive
sorry about that
he says
train delays
she smiles
no matter
you're here now
how long
have you got?
he asks
a few hours of grace
she says
the doctors were good
said I could come
although the ward sister
the *****
almost put her oar in
but here I am
all yours
well for a while
at least
so where are we going?
how about a coffee
in the park
and a lay down
on the grass to chat
and smooch and relax
no art or cinema
or record shops
or window shopping
he says
or ***
she says
no place
unless you want to
want to have ago
in the bushes
or maybe be daring
and have it away
on a park bench?
she smiles
no coffee
and a chat will do
he says
besides
I don't perform well
in public
and so they walk up
the road
and cross
by Trafalgar Square
and on down
and into the park
she talking about
dying for a fix
and other things
and he talking about
his boring job
the sitting
and drilling holes
into metal
or the pressing
of two sides
of metal together
and how he'd heard
the new Beatles' LP
something about
a Doctor Pepper
they buy two coffees
and talk on
she gazing at his hair
the eyes staring at her
his mouth opening
and closing
bringing her words
his fingers touching hers
his having dark hairs
along the fingers
hers none
white
thin
good for *********
and he studying
her eyes
seeing himself there
in that darkness
in that faraway place
far from God's kingdom
but near(he thinks)
to His grace.
Dec 1, 2013
Dec 1, 2013 at 4:21 AM UTC
Nima said
she was ****** off
and wanted out
of the hospital.
I was visiting her
outside on the lawn.
She was in her
nightgown
getting some sun.
What's up?
I said.
Everything
from the quacks
to the food
to the **** ants
creeping along the floor
by my bed
she said.
Aren't you allowed
out into town
or up to London?
I said.
**** them Benny
she said
just because my mother
put a bad word in
they don't trust me out
in case I go get a fix.
A nurse passed by
out on to the lawn
to attend to a guy
who was doing something
with his *****
No no Henry
not out here
she said.
Nima shook her head
see what I mean
I'm a druggie
these people
are mentally ill
why am I with them?
The guy was taken back
into the ward
by the nurse.
I looked at Nima
I wouldn't get you drugs
I could tell
them that
I said.
No use Benny
they won't listen.
She lit up a cigarette
from the pack
I brought her
and I lit it
and lit one for me.
A radio played
from the open window
of the ward
a Beatle song.
We sat
and smoked
and talked more.
Henry stood flashing
by the open ward door.
Apr 20, 2017
Apr 20, 2017 at 1:07 PM UTC
Your mother
had brought the car
to the hospital
you were going
home at last.
Benny had rung yesterday
and you arranged
to meet him on Saturday
in Trafalgar Square.
The mind doctor
had been to see you
and you were packed.
You said goodbye
to the nurses who had been
like a family to you
while you had been
in the hospital.
Now it was over
all you had to do now
was stay off the drugs
not get in touch
with anyone who had
got you into it.
Your mother fussed about
then went off to talk
to the quacks.
You wished Benny was there
it seemed strange going
after the time stuck in here
except for weekends out.
You stood by the window
and looked out
on the hospital grounds.
You'd sat out there
with Benny a few times
now you were about to go.
Your mother came back
stiff faced her eyes on you
don't end up here again Nima
stay off the drugs
next time it won't be just hospital
it will be in jail.
It seemed odd
your mother saying that word
like someone
had invented
a barking bird.
Feb 27, 2017
Feb 27, 2017 at 4:15 AM UTC
After a weekend away
at her aunt's place
Nima was back in hospital
as her release
had run out
the nurse said
how was your weekend?
boring as hell
Nima said
shame
the nurse said
but at least
you were away from here
but you didn't do
any drugs did you?
of course not
Nima said
unless *** is a drug
in which case
I had an overdose
you never did
the nurse said smiling
who with?
that's for me to know
and you to dream about
Nima said
the nurse went off
and left Nima
by her bed
to change into her nightdress
and go sit
in the lounge
with other woman and girls
until bedtime
she undressed
and put on her nightdress
and thought of Benny
and wished he was there
by her bed
and had watched her undress
but he wasn't
he was at home
and she was there
with the others
and nurses
and cocoa to drink
and biscuits to eat
and lights out
by a certain time
and no one
to have *** with
no drugs to have
nothing except
the dull dark night
and pangs for
this and that
and other urges
and desires
flaring up
like blazing fires.
Feb 22, 2016
Feb 22, 2016 at 2:23 AM UTC
At 2am
in the morning,
Nima woke
in her hospital bed,
looked about her,
wondered what Benny
was doing,
wished he was there,
thought about
the weekend away
at her aunt's place,
how the *** was good
in her cousin's bed,
Benny sleeping with her,
now here she was in
some hospital bed
with others sleeping,
snoring and moaning
in their sleep,
the night nurse
wandering about
like some Florence Nightingale,
but at the moment,
Nima thought,
even she seems
**** enough to keep
my urges at bay
o what a night
to be without Benny
o what utter
night-time blues,
she gazed at the moonlight
slice of light
through where
the curtains joined,
sighed and wanted Benny
so much
this time yesterday
we were well away,
now I'm all alone
with snores and sniffs
and some old girl's moan.
Mar 21, 2016
Mar 21, 2016 at 2:49 AM UTC
Nima waits
in her bed
on the ward
it's twilight
and she feels
a great urge
for some ***
but Benny
is at home
at his place
and others
on the ward
are sleeping
all women
some are old
few are young
even the
young night nurse
in her small
cramped office
off the ward
seldom comes
to visit
at that hour
she tries to
picture in
her dazed mind
Benny there
beside her
kissing her
holding her
his fingers
exploring
her body
his wet lips
on her neck
on her *******
on the dip
of her *****
on her *****
but he's not
there at all
just her lips
wet kissing
where she can
O Benny
come to me
be my man.
Jun 2, 2015
Jun 2, 2015 at 6:54 AM UTC
Nima looked bored
as we walked
the art gallery
she was only allowed out
of the hospital
for a few hours
promising no drug fixes
or *****
can't we go elsewhere?
she asked
bored here
I felt her boredom
it seeped into my bones
let's go for a coffee
I said
so we went for a coffee
in a coffee bar
across the road
and had a smoke
you were late
she said
I only have a few hours
out of that mad house
sorry I popped
into the jazz record shop
and left me waiting
in Trafalgar Square
she said
what did you buy?
nothing yet
I said
I'll go back later
saw a Coltrane LP I liked
I said
***** that jazz stuff
she said
we drained our coffees
and walked back
to the train station
and I saw her
on her train
and kissed her
at the window
and the train went off
and I watched
until she was out of sight
then back tracked
to the jazz record shop
to buy the Coltrane LP
thinking of Nima
and the time
we had a ***
in that cheap hotel
by Charing Cross
and the bed creaking
and the odd
hot and cold water taps
and she and I
laying there
I walked back
to the gallery
for a last look around
thinking of the Coltrane
and the Coltrane sound.
Jul 13, 2014
Jul 13, 2014 at 11:54 AM UTC
Nima stares at the ward.
Nima wants to cause a scene.
She wants to raise hell.
The few nurses on duty
are not busy.
They're stuck in
an office yakking.
If she'd been sick
in the body and not
in the head or wasn't
a druggie they'd
be all over her
like sick of a baby.
Since she's backslided
and got a hit
from some idiot
she's on watch now
and not allowed out
except in the grounds.
She ***** on a cigarette
and inhales on it.
Watches the laughing nurses
in the office.
If she was able
she'd lock
the ******** in.
She walks along
the small area of grass
outside peering in.
She's no one to talk to.
The other patients
**** her off.
Talk nonsense.
She's one of the few
druggies on the ward
the others are mental cases.
Jewel's ok.
She's a manic depressive.
Gives her cigarettes.
Talks to her
in a deepness
she can almost drown in.
On a bad day
Jewel'll not talk at all
but sit staring at a wall
or lay in bed
with a blanket
over her head.
Jewel talks of ECTs.
She sees them take her off
sometimes and then
she's gone sometime
and comes back
dreary eyed and moody.
Nima wants a hit or ***
or something to break
the monotony.
Benedict said he'd come.
She waits for him.
She watches for him
at visitors time.
The few visitors that come
could fill a telephone box.
She wants him to come.
Wants him.
They had a quickie once
in a small room off
the side corridor.
Uncomfortable but good.
She peers in the ward.
A few visitors arrive
and stroll in
and some bring flowers
or chocs or nothing.
Benedict arrives
and sees her outside
and comes out to her.
Wasn't sure if you'd come
she says.
Said I would
he says.
He hands her a packet
of cigarettes
and a Mars bar.
She stuffs them
in the pocket
of her dressing gown.
They talk.
Walk on and around
the small area.
The nurses watch them.
She knows they're
being watched.
It makes her feel
wanted in an odd way.
She kisses him.
They kiss.
Her hand around
his waist her
the other hand
holding a cigarette.
He hugs her close
one hand
touching her behind.
They kiss again.
Clouds darken. Sky fills.
Looks miserable.
Looks like rain.
Apr 13, 2015
Apr 13, 2015 at 3:45 AM UTC
I had rung
Nima in the week
at the hospital
(the nurse
wasn't happy about it
but she brought Nima
to the phone)
she said
she'd meet me
in London
by the Embankment station
so on the Saturday
I went to the station
and waited for her
people passed me
on their way up West
or back into the tube station
going elsewhere
then I saw her
coming out from
the underground
she smiled
when she saw me
and hugged me
and we kissed
glad to see you
she said
the quacks weren't
going let me out
but they did eventually
why wasn't they going
to let you out?
I said
my mother had said
I was not to go out
but as I am over 18
they said she had
no rights over me
so they reluctantly
let me go
but I have to be back
by dusk
that's ok
I said
where do you
want to go?
I need a drink
she said
so we walked
up the road
and found a bar
on Charing Cross Road
we sat in a corner
with our drinks
and we lit up cigarettes
I should be leaving
the hospital soon
she said
if I stay off drugs
and stay with my parents
so should be able
to see you easier
at weekends
that'd be good
I said
at your parent's place?
no way there
they'd interrogate you
like the Gestapo
Nima said
we'll meet in London
some place
ok
I said
we talked on
but I was just glad
to watch her
bright eyes
and happy face.
Jan 25, 2017
Jan 25, 2017 at 3:52 AM UTC
We can go there again?
I said
yes
Nima said
my aunt won't be back
for months
and my cousin is away
at university
so we went
to her aunt's place
as before
and Nima could hardly wait
for us to undress
before she was
on her cousin's bed
and we were away
o so long without
she said
and the nurses
at the hospital
have no idea how much
of a cure this *** is
and afterwards
we lay there
on her cousin's bed
smoking and she said
I have always been jealous
of my cousin
and her fine collection
of dolls and that
lovely doll's house
she had but now
it means **** all
funny how childhood things
seem so important
at the time
Nima said
I turned and gazed at her
her fine body
the small *******
which I had recently mouthed
the dimple in her belly
where I kissed lips
and it was still wet
o I think she's
a ****** queen my cousin
can't imagine her allowing
any guy to enter
between her plump thighs
Nima said smiling
how long have you got
release from the hospital?
I said
weekend then back
Monday morning
or else the fuzz
will be looking for me
after all I'm sectioned
what with my state of mind
and the drugs
I smelt her
and wanted to drink her
into my very being
we finished our smokes
and began again
in a different position
well it was
after all
her decision.
Apr 16, 2016
Apr 16, 2016 at 2:46 AM UTC
Nima holds
in her palm
the capsules
the doctor
prescribed her
from a glass
she slowly
sips water
meant to help
my drug
addiction
she tells me
and does it?
I ask her
does it what?
does it help?
wouldn't know
guess it does
she shows me
her pink palm
capsules gone
when can you
go back home?
when I’m cured
or when they
think I am
she mutters
we sit on
seats outside
the mental
hospital
want a smoke?
she asks me
I’ve my own
smoke your own
I tell her
she lights up
then lights mine
there's two things
that I want
she tells me
have a fix
and have ***
what order?
have a fix
then have ***
uncrossing
her slim legs
she moves up
her short skirt
showing thighs
do you like?
artistic
Renoir like
I reply
she inhales
a lungful
of grey smoke
then exhales
in the air
and gives me
a smile and
****** stare.
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 2:43 PM UTC
She's smoking
looking out
at the grounds
of the old
hospital
she's sitting
on a bench
green with age
it's summer
and she wears
the short dress
with birds on
I see her
sitting there
her legs crossed
one white foot
dangling
hi Nima
I call out
she turns round
exhales grey smoke
so you've come
after all
didn't think
you'd turn up
after we had
that big row
(in London
all about
not getting
a hotel room
for the night)
how are you?
I ask her
I sit down
on the bench
next to her
I'm ****** off
she replies
stuck in here
with mentals
suicides
drug cases
just like me
with no drugs
not my sort
no freedom
no alcohol
and no ***
I light up
a cigar
and inhale
a nurse passes
blue and white
uniform
black stockings
and black shoes
I study
her neat ***
she's the best
they've got here
Nima says
a bright gem
amongst dross
I suppose
you'd like her
on my bed
I know I
do some nights
just looking
I reply
nothing more
I recall
that *****
Saturday
in that cheap
hotel room
in London
a few weeks
back in time
having ***
so often
in the night
I felt like
Sisyphus
pushing it
and then down
book early
next weekend
I get out
Nima says
I'm *** starved
***** Cat
needs her milk
I concur
and say so
studying
her crossed legs
smooth as silk.
Oct 8, 2015
Oct 8, 2015 at 11:52 AM UTC
I got us a room,
I said to Nima,
this weekend.
She looked at me,
then at a passing nurse,
a neat arsed girl
who caught my eyes.
So where is it?
Nima said.
In town here,
not too far,
I said.
Was it difficult?
She said,
they're a bit
staid here.
No problem,
I said.
Nima nodded her head
and crossed one
of her legs
over the other
sitting in a hospital chair,
outside in the grounds,
and I caught sight
of lovely thighs.
Got any smokes?
She asked.
Sure,
I said,
and got out
a packet of cigarettes,
and gave them to her,
after taking one myself,
you keep them,
I can buy some more,
I said.
We lit up
and sat there
in silence
for a few moments.
I prefer London,
she said,
for a cheap hotel
and life,
but we haven't
got time to waste
travelling;
I need ***
and can't wait
for Saturday to come,
but I'll have to.
I studied her:
seen your mother
since last time?
I said.
No,
not since
she found out
about me having ***
with someone
at my aunt's place,
Nima said.
Shame,
I said,
it was a nice place.
Nice bed too,
Nima said,
wonder what
my cousin'll think
if she finds out
I ****** you in it.
A nurse came to the table
and looked at Nima:
the doctor is here
to talk with you,
the nurse said.
Now?
Nima said.
Yes now,
the nurse said.
All right,
look Benny,
you best go,
I don't know how
long I'll be
with the quack.
Ok see you Saturday,
I said.
Nima walked off
with the nurse:
the nurse with a neat ****
and I watched them go
and quickly pass.
Jul 15, 2016
Jul 15, 2016 at 3:17 PM UTC
When I was eleven, my name was Sadie.
When I was eleven I lived on the streets.
I was unloved.
I was unwanted.
I was unseen.
I was unheard.
I had not a single person in the world who cared for me.
I no reason to live my life.
I had nothing to fight for.
I was alone.
When I was eleven I made a choice that changed my life forever.
When I was eleven I made a choice that set me on the path to adventures beyond my wildest dreams and heartache of my worst nightmares.
My new name is A’ratos I’nima, or Brave Heart.
My home is the spaceship T’arm, or Haven.
My species is human.
My family is made up of alien bounty hunters and merchants.
I am loved.
I am wanted.
I am seen.
I am heard.
I have an entire starship of aliens who care for me.
I have a mate who loves me.
I have a child who adores me.
I have two reasons to live my life.
I have a war to fight with my star born family.
I will never be alone ever again.
I was Sadie, a street kid with no future.
I am A’ratos I’nima, a Space Merchant with a wife and daughter.
I am Courage, a fledgling warrior in an old rebellion.
This is my story, dare you read it?
Jun 3, 2014
Jun 3, 2014 at 5:59 PM UTC
Nima's aunt's spare bed
was firm and old
and after we had made love twice
we lay back on the bed
and lit up cigarettes
this is my moody cousin's room I think
Nima said
wonder what she'd think
if she knew I'd been ravished here?
not please I guess
I said
she'll know I've slept here
but not that I've had ***
in her big bed
Nima said
I looked around the room
there were a few paintings
on the walls
a big mirror on one wall
opposite the bed
a dressing table by the window
well Benny
what do you think?
about what?
I said
the bed?
the ***
the foreplay?
she said
all good
I said
(the foreplay
had been her idea
and it kind of
stretched things out a bit)
twice over too
she said
watching smoke rise upward
what would your aunt say
if she found out I'd been here?
I said
not pleased
she's a bit of a moralist
Nima said
(as if being a moralist
was a kind illness
with little hope)
but I can picture
my moody cousin's face
had she come in
as we were well away
Nima said smiling
in fact I imagined it
the second time we shagged
imagined her by the door
with a face as white as snow
and her eyes
as large as an owls
she laughed
I imagined nothing
just went with the flow
sensing myself
in a bright sun's glow.
Jan 7, 2016
Jan 7, 2016 at 11:23 AM UTC
Can't go
to my aunt's place
again, Benny,
Nima said to me
as we sat out
on the grass
in the hospital grounds.
Why is that?
I said.
My mother's found out
we go there
and she will be
watching the place now,
and it will be too risky,
Nima said.
How'd she find out
we were going there?
I asked.
She managed
to get me to say,
but I think
she knew anyway,
Nima said,
looking over
towards the trees.
Does she know
about me?
Not who you are,
but she knows
I'm seeing someone,
and having ***
with them,
Nima said.
So what now?
I said.
Have to book
a cheap hotel
for the weekend again,
she said.
Where abouts? I said.
She looked at me seriously,
I don't know,
not too far way
or we will waste time
traveling as I only
have a weekend pass.
I'll find us
some place near,
I said.
We lit up cigarettes,
and sat smoking.
She was in
a green top and jeans,
and her hair was neat,
but she had nothing
on her small feet.
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 2:30 AM UTC