Never had he seen such beauty
Iris green and full of envy
Hair that burned red like a sunset over an autumn mountain
Pale skin and ripe lips

Her name was Lilah
She was delicate
Too delicate
Like the wings of a butterfly

She flew away from me,
My sweet Lilah
I guess she got tired of the darkness,
The cramped space within my belly
I tried to make her comfortable

She'd kick and I'd feel her fluttering around inside me
So much joy in my heart
I didn't mind the pain in my *******
I didn't care that I always had to ***
I didn't mind being nauseous
I loved my Lilah
I'd stop the world for her

With a fever and severe cramping, my Lilah was gone
No longer did she dwell inside my cocoon
My love had been stolen from me
I lived for her
She made me pure
A clean slate for both of us

But she's gone now
She went back to where she came
When he held her, her forgot about his pain
She was beautiful
She was the force field that kept his hands off of me
My savior
My one true love
My sweet Lilah

thunder*
I always thought we'd be together
You and I, we said forever..
In the rain I am standing
Why am I here?
This is bad planning
I see light flicker through a crack in the curtains
The curtains I bought for you when you first moved into to your place
I practiced every word I’m going to say to you
I’ve covered every trace
I'm at your door step
Too afraid to knock
My hearts sinks like a stone in my stomach
Feels like I swallowed a rock
I blink rain and tears from my eyes
I’m happy the storms raging so it muffled my delicate cries
I walked all the way here
Yeah, I still go on walks
My hair is soaked, cooling my fresh and steaming thoughts
Everything is pounding, I’m hoping this ends like a book
Cold and shaking
How dramatic do I look?
The thought of this makes me laugh
Someone walks by the door
I think you heard me
I want to run and hide, I don’t have confidence anymore
But this is my chance, it will all be okay
The front door opens and I have nothing to say

It's your three year old daughter
I hear a woman say *Lilah, close the door honey.
Oh, no.
She's beautiful
She has your eyes
Your lips
Your hair
Your giggle..
But not all of her is just like you
She has hints of her mother in her too
Her mother..
The luckiest woman alive.
Help
I'm frozen
Run, ******* it, run!
But I cant
I hear her high heels coming toward the door
Lilah, who are you looking at?
There's no one there
Her mother cant see me
There's no more rain
It's a hot summer night
But my clothes are still dripping
There's blood on my shirt around where the branch impaled me
Glass is embedded into my hands
Lilah is still looking up at me, smiling
She's beautiful
You join your wife at the door
Your eyes full of happiness
Your lips would no longer shape to mine
Your hair is short and you've been weathered by time
I always loved your beard
You grab your daughter's hand and pull her inside
I on my knees crying now, because she should have been mine
You should be mine
**** being mortal and **** time
The day I died was the day you proposed
You got on one knee, the ring tied to a thorn'd rose
Thorn'd roses are my favorite
They show how something so delicate will go to great lengths to protect itself
Just like my heart..
It was a rainy day
The roads were slick
You leaned over and kissed me while you were driving
We hydroplaned
I didn't put on my seat-belt
Too busy looking at my gorgeous ring from my gorgeous man
We hit a tree
I was launched through the windshield
The branch went straight through me
I didn't feel any pain
The last words I spoke were your name
I loved you.
Oh, God how loved you
I still love you, even in death
I'm at your door step
But you cant see me..

Lilah,


I remember when I was going through a really hard time last year, you were there constantly even when it felt like I wasn’t
and you didn’t mind.
You didn’t mind not understanding what was wrong but as long as you could console me to a certain extent, you were pleased.
You’d give me this face thinking that I’d crack a smile
and seeing that I wouldn’t budge, you’d put on the Lauryn Hill station on Pandora.
You’d paint these pictures that were messages that said,
“Don’t Leave Me! I Wuv U” and ”You Are My Everything, Dont Go”. I’d glance at them when you were in the process of adding more and more decorations in watercolor..
but I never let the thoughts behind it actually resonate in me.
I didn’t care about how my actions or thoughts could hurt or affect anybody,
I couldn’t eat or think straight but that’s what heartbreak does..hopefully you won’t find that out soon.
I thank you for that now though.
Supporting me with the little things that you do.

I am my words
I am my thoughts
I am who I am
And I show it

I am a girl
I am strong
I will hurt you
If you hurt someone I love

I am Lilah-Eve
That is my name
I am who I am
Don’t you dare give me shame

Bright blue eyes glistening in the sun
As you roll on your back.
You look at me, so cheeky
So knowing.

I can never predict your next move.
Should I run and sit beside you?
Or will you simply run away,
Leaving me to chase you further?

The warm sun melts our bones
As we lay near one another.
I reach out to touch you,
But you retreat and soon I follow.

I look at you in peaceful bliss
Eyes closed, soaking the rays.
I envy you, wishing I could succumb
To the earth just as simply as you.

My bones harden as I sit up
Burning the fantasy of peace.
My heart freezes again as the stern look
Resumes its familiar position on my face.

But then I feel your presence beside me
Nuzzling my arm until I smile again.
There's nothing that melts my heart more
Than the softness of your face, your deep blue eyes.

Your motor begins to start,
Engine revving as I caress you more.
Fur as soft as silk, little Lilah,
And you, dear kitty, make me human again.

my mom likes to entertain scenarios
of how her life would’ve been
sans my father
lilah and riley wouldn’t have been here
she raises her eyebrows in disbelief
of the life she’s stuck with
you would’ve had a stepdad and a new step mom

crazy.

divided household and i would’ve
met you still
but not’ve known you..
a boy i knew until i was in 4th grade
maybe weeks on and weeks off at my moms to dads would’ve spared me
from your routine heartbreaks you graciously offer me with a ribbon on top in my
favorite color-
brown
maybe if i had 4 parents they would they have taken me to do my hair when they found out about my
first boyfriend,
curls sizzled to pin straight strands like strained love ties,
the 2 houses glowing as if
it was Christmas
and the 3 magi would be different this time-
in the form of middle aged hispanic women
offering advice on how to make him
immovable
completely entranced with my 14 year old being
wrapped around my nail-bitten-to-the-nub finger
siempre joo need to wear perfumé
the first one said
always wax joo eyebrows y joo piernas- no man likes a hairy girl- es
disgusted
the second broke down
her neck & nose was shiny with vicks
the third eyeing my from across the room
disappointed i turned down
the idea of brujería

Dear Mum,

I write this with a heavy heart, but the blood that runs from my nose tells me that this time won't be like the last. You were always a good mother and in fact you have always been my best friend, I'm sorry that I can't get better and I'm sorry that I never treated you the way you always deserved to be treated because above anyone you have always gone beyond what anyone else has and I never told you how much I love you, I never told you it enough but if there was ever anyone I did love it was always you.

Love Always,
Your Son

Dear Nan,

I'm sorry for all the lies but I'm not okay, and I pray that you can forgive me because I was meant to be there for you and so far I've thought about nothing but myself. I love you dearly and endlessly and you are my best friend too but as the months have gone by I'm finding it harder and harder to discover reasons to fight, I've never met a women with such a beautiful soul, heart and mind and you always said every night before bed 'God bless' and I hope he does.

Love Always,
Your Grandson

Dear Bec,

I wish you were more open about our sibling love, there are times I wish I could of turnt to you and times I wished I could of been a brother that you loved. I miss you dearly but I could never understand if those feelings were the same, I just wanted a sister that I could go out with for the day or sit and have coffee per both our request and talk about better memories than the ones I left behind.

Love Always,
Your Brother

Dear Ben,

You were my closest friend and I know that this will not be the end, you are a smart boy and one of the nicest, kindest people I have had the pleasure to have met and you have always been my shoulder to cry on and I appreciate that. I love you like a brother, you were like family to me and I know that one day your dreams will come true and you can remember the memories we shared and even though I'm gone I won't forget them either, I'll miss you the most out of all my friends.

Love Always,
Your Best Friend

Dear Kyle,

I know I gave you a lot of stick but I've always loved you dearly and always wanted what was best for you, I'm sorry that my life is such a whirlwind but I know you'll persevere without me my dear friend. We shared so many great memories, myself, you and Ben but make sure you look after Ben because that's why we were the best of friends.

Love Always,
Your Best Friend

Dear Laura,

You will always be my second Mum, you've done so much for me through so many difficult times and I'll forever be in your debt. You looked out for me as if I were a son, and I wish there was more I could of done to show my appreciation for that. You're an incredible women and Darren is a lucky guy, even if he can be a bit of a moody **** at times.

Love Always,
Your Favorite Pain in the ***

Dear Nic,

Although you were my cousin you were like a sister to me, I love you dearly and I'll miss you just the same. You are such an amazing person, and such an amazing mother too. Give my love to Lilah because you are both a huge part of my life.

Love Always,
Your Cousin

Dear Grandad,

I didn't tell you enough how much I loved you, you had such a different way of showing emotion but I've learned over the years how to decipher it now and I know you only ever wanted what was best for me and for that I will be forever grateful.

Love Always,
Your Grandson

Dear Georgia,

What I want to say to you is written throughout the many pages of poetry I constructed in your name, I loved you beyond what I thought was capable and I just want to let you know that I've missed you everyday.

Love Always,
Your Ghost

I’ve always wondered...
Where did the little Lilah go?
I’m so different
She was outgoing and extroverted,
And I am shy and unsocial
But... I’ve finally realized
That we are the same
I am me
13 years ago or not
I’ve just changed
And I hope it has been for the better
Because I can’t really go back and change it...
Right?

Emergency
Evacuate
Smoke
Evacuate
Blares the smoke detector in my room
I rush out of my bed
Eyes as wide as a deer in the headlights
When I find my mom
Frantically checking for any signs of fire
And though there are none,
The incessant voice keeps repeating
Emergency
Evacuate
Smoke
Evacuate
Oh how I wish it would stop!
My stomach starts to feel queasy
And a cold sweat breaks out
All over my body
Suddenly the world begins to spin
And my mom just catches me
As I fall helplessly to the ground
“Head down, keep your head down”
She says
I wrap my arms around her legs
And try to make my breathing even again
When I feel a bit better,
I get up and walk to the couch
I lay down and cover my ears
Ah, sweet relief
I hear voices
And suddenly, it stops
For a moment, I am ecstatic
But then
The awful noise starts right back up again
I hear more voices
And soon enough,
It stops
And finally
It is done
I head upstairs
And lay in my bed
It’s all done, Lilah
It’s all done
No need to worry anymore
Zzzzzzzzzzz.......

When I was thirteen and I was playing blind chicken with my 2 siblings- let me paint the scene: Ten year old Noah was chasing eight year old Lilah in hot pursuit with a blindfold- I know it sounds terrible already but it gets worse- He then of of course knocked down the hutch in my room and thousands of dollars shattered on my floor in the form of porcelain. I remember my mother cried that night. Then came the screaming. It was a combination of delirium, disbelief, and her just being plain irate. After all of it, I went to her and asked her why she got so mad it was just some "glass dolls" and then she said I could've used it to pay off college loans easier in the future by selling them rather struggle like she was doing.

I just changed my name on HP
From the alias of “ArrowBird”
To my name, Lilah
And I’ve also altered my bio
Because I want to be fully me
On this cite
And I want to stop hiding
Behind the facade of
“I’m always staring off in space”
And though that is true,
I want to show more of
Me
Whoever that may be...
Well,
I hope you appreciate my choices
And enjoy knowing a bit more
About me
Have a great weekend!