The hike to the waterfall
          multiplied
                    my fear of falling by
my fear of passing out from exhaustion.

The hills climbed like
     terra cotta slices of cheesecake
          cut for giants.      To the south, hoodoos ringed
like wedding cake, encrusted with
               shimmering slices of Anjou Pear.

“She’s better at hiking
          than she used to be,” Mike said.
“She made it further
          than I expected,” Leilani said.
“She didn’t stop;
          she’s right behind us,” said Celine.

I missed
                    my dogs.  I missed
     the way they would tug at the leash to
propel me toward good smells.  I missed
               the way they would tug behind when they felt
     something looked dangerous or difficult.

Dwarfed by the stone cliffs, I felt
          like a gnat
     at the Marin Farmers’ Market.  The sky and stone
weighed heavy on my soul.

My mind clawed at
          purple seas armed with
                    chisels slashing at the landscape.

I want to dive into the clouds and swim with the birds as long as they're all heading south.

Fresh oxygen is always the best and the map on our legs will guide us.  

The hammock sends a lonesome tear; if it's nearing a secrecy break

For now I'll ride the dolphins in if you promise to pay them from wallets.  

The eyeballs listening to every song that we sing and the ears don't miss anything we do.  

My heart is looking to lease out its space.  
I can either move on, or reside with an axe in my hand.

Are my cardiacs up to the challenge?
Slowly freezing from the suns icy tears

The gravestones are singing that I am so tough, but really I'm scared and lonely.

Too confused to be angry and as if I'm not hungry enough.


written by:
Leilani Gesch
February 2, 2018

My DOC...
drug of choice

Our friendship was awesome at first at least
Before you became that monster that beast

You said we would not love anyone else
For you could teach me how to not love myself

Then we could do anything for now nothing mattered.  
You took my good life and we watched it slowly shatter.

At first I dumped other souls at my feet, gambling daily if I’d survive in the forever after gorging heat.  

Soon those thoughts too got all left behind as we bonded and I paid you one mind strip at a time

I forget when you became the boss and I just a number.  But when  apart for too long I cried out for your thunder

My features were molding to how I was feeling.   You were the only friend who found me appealing.

During our times together we didn’t laugh but I cried
I got a degree on how good I could lie

Over the years I froze in the sun and watched the clanking of bars and you  made me believe that it was all in the stars.

But now I am smelly and shaky and feeling like ****
If you don’t show up soon I may as well quit


Songs and smells are doing their best to help you to stay

I’ve locked my door to help me keep you at bay

Now my mind is made up - I’m going to find me again
What was I thinking you were never a friend

Your deceitful kind will never get me to bow
For starting this second I am the boss of me now
-written by-
Leilani Gesch
April 16, 2018

I remember the day your music vibe called to me
And our eyes formed the lyrics to come ...

Each step took us closer to what would be known as our song.  

For when our hands embraced with that first hand shake life’s drums came to life in my soul.  

The sound of your voice was that gentle embrace, like magic, filled my hearts hole.  

Without time in our mindset our own genre was woven

Silent solos embraced formed the melodies of love.  

Written by-
Leilani Gesch
April 12, 2018 give or take a day