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Mateuš Conrad Feb 2017
chór! i duch!
               blady... rym...
ale i też wygoda powrotu
jako niby żyd... bo
te paluski... i ten *lajkonik
...
kiev w warszawie... na
tym tle: bo to gwar gadania
i autobus w pizdzie nocy i
zimy... ceka... ceka.

   o bodziem...
  punk kot w czekam
i czoło i glebe i rys islamu,
   i szkło skalu w czaszke
i gołote... i ten... pierdolony kosciół!
goły... naked...
         the cat weighs about 10 kilograms
i'm obviously going to head-**** him
to say good morning...

rrrrrryb ah! koscioł! groto i smród!
rekąpis!                   ryba! flu flu flu!
oj tu: pingwin sie zgina! huj! bra!
   tu! zeżre te polsche... te polsche...
zerwie z nią... bo co?
jakie narodziny mam, "celebrować"?
ja na typ o motłoch? baba?!
taki typ by na miet i slóp -czysłav?!
pats! prostak z... miasta...
  chleba mało... tsa zebrać...
seplień seplień se o se: nago
      i choroba... gniew... grób;
padaj! jak gwóźdz w trumne
czy tam gówno w toalete...
       tsa u... tu com sa, tam com sa...
ja na wygnań!
        ja wygnany, co mi te poloki?
półtłoki? boli, nie? zyh poza granicą,
tam, dam ci kwit i... kćuka!
                 kćuka! na witaj huju!
potem -senką: za casów Herod'a...
  co sfe: pio... senką; taki tanz: oi! ola ola o!

taki zemnie polok, jaki ten
pierw żyd, co pyta:
  
  pytam... bo czekam...

(choir and [the] ghost).

    warto pytać, oto wiem że o nic nie czekam
(nie czekam o nic... po? nie czekam o nic...
po prostu czekam; tak tak, nic nici nić nitka nikt;
kurvfa shoelaces... you ******* deaf
or watching kochaj albo rzuć?       );
tym warte pytać of -zyk-
kiedy nie w... kraju...  or-zelek... or-zelek...
              taki kwaśniewski co tylko sepleni...
blah blah blah... potem na gniew
vay vest vey kal it a p-cle... susumber: or cueue...
         oi oi! wrona! hej! wrona!              co tam?!
eh, ten rojs siber tesz popierdolony...
rrrrreeee lee, wrona! co tam?
o kurva... terz troche... mmm uhum... mm... eh?
   is bez powrotu... taki... niby...
dobry fason i wybór słów
    jako dobry wójek... po glebie jak po
grzbiecie psa
...
ah ten pysk.... taki dobry pies
mógł być, a potem, nagle, naturalnie:
wściek! pyska... harem! harem!
         harem! grypa! grypa! ugh!
                                golem!
    co tam wyrośnie, to tam nigdy nie było...
ani cebula co płacze, ani
           burak któremu zęby
   wypadają...
      oś? czy... osa? i z tym językiem
bez tego języka gwarancji?
            taki jam obcy...
   ja nawet obcy gadać obcym... do perfekcji...
jaki to musi być nud... aby było
              jak to musi być, skoro jest?
    last time i checked... pretty **** awful.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2015
mój jenzyk, moja czystość, mój brat moja siora! kiedy ja tam w głowie pra dziada takim pod iglatym krzyżem żyda na równo brał?! kiedy?! kiedy?! czemu czekaniem w anglii?! czemu?! boje sie horyzontów takich jak tych! boże... czemu to marszem wydarzenie nagłe wprost na pustynie wyrytych narodów jakby kretów w mgle czerni? czemu ubogi w krakowie prosi mnie o czerń żelaza a nikogo innego?! gdzie ja w cebulowym kościele, gdzie ja?! na płacz... ja na płacz a nie na grób rodzinnym?! czemu... czemu?! daj mi chociaż wrót do ziemi! daj mi chociaż wrót do ziemi! ja lach z czynu i kości! ja lach z czynu i kości! ja werset bez czynu razy raz jeszcze raz! szfeda płacz. daj mi swego syna cień ciała, znania mieniem krzyż i pacior.*

szkło w deszczu
mówi więcej
niż mgła
przy ogniu iskry, czy tam
sfobody ćmy przy świecy,
bo kto pyta o wizerónek
słów przy lustra snów moża
czy tem narcyza
na tle jeziora bez rzeki
w gęsich makiarzu na tle
marszu gęsi szwastiki -
to o tyle pyta.
tyle mi mówi płacz,
ten izrael północy, ta polska,
z tym edynburgiem jako ateny
czy ten sankt petersburg
jako wenecja.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2017
czy ty z głupim sie widziałeś? co? mordą w gnat i gwar tak nagle obojętny wgram nad młot i sierp?! co? jebaba kurwa co? nic wierszem? paciorek, lulubaj, spać? goła bryła słów warta miodú i seplenia... česka pravda, jak to huja grzechot ambicjii i to í, niby; i.e? batuk, a nie batóg... jebana mać! huja warte to tło, słowem warte: polak... po co mi to? co ja? horongiew szambo? bo tyle z mojej polshkishkishkishkishkishkishee: brat gówno, i brat gavron.*

sie pyta o pana,
kiedy sie...
               ziewa:

             zezem w konkret 90 stopni;

co?! zdzíw?
       co kurwa kurde pięknie!? (

oh, koor'wa'h... a dianna!
í... candle in the song
in the wind in the song
in the sing along...
song? wong? ****?
supposendly twang...

  whatever...

   i prefer the diacritical descent
from the hebrew muddle of laughter
and catching breath of the
rubric of a rugby match,
goleposts H vs. H...

     i.e. from above...

á... )

i wanted to add this,
but i didn't manage to make
it comprehensive,
styled for school-children
to write a homework on.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2017
a. sketch

gęba
                                                              py­sk
            buzia (buziaki)     usta

           głowa                          łeb (łbem)
                  
          gleba (judo submission)      na glebe
                  ziemia,     pustota pola:
  ziemia                                             ziemniak
    ßuka | matka
                                                       pani | kurwa.

ß: juicy s... no macron to be found... but it's there.

b. narrative

it's the current vogue in western cultures,
notably that in anglophone contingents of the copula
already stated: western.

i once heard the argument that it doesn't matter
whether you understand the lyric in a song,
i agree: poems need and only represent a one-dimensional
desire to write words: a bulls-eye, or a white shark's
blind spot| in those omnious eyes without
sclera or iris... |hard to find.

for some reason i have this need to state that this is
a cultural enrichment project, like all *cold war
tactics...
since we are living in the times of cold war ii,
there's an inherent need to suggest an alternative to what's
spread on the air-waves...
               dylan thomas could have influenced bob dylan
(who took the name for a surname);
                               but of course i wouldn't
  sell you anything else, but to be given the impression
of a second-rate citizen of england only gives me a militant
status... and since most of us can only grasp a stone
to start a war... better use your mother-culture...
at least i can feel a cultural collectivism of ethnicity
that has a mongrel thought and tongue...

well... that link in the title? it's not a trojan horse link,
the times of trojan viruses are over, they were around a while
back, but the trojan horse has become extinct...
lao che's jestem psem (i'm a dog)...
                     cuchne kiedy zmokne (aura of stench when
i get wet)...
                    
            well... what was the original intent?
oh oh, right:
                              i wouldn't call linguistic teachers with
any use: if they are not bilingual at least...
bilingualism entrenches you in languages and cultures...
and i wouldn't study philosophy, or dare-say "practice" it
if you haven't begun with studying either chemistry
or physics... or biology? the latter i'm not too sure about.

yet all this politico talk in the west... about trans-
        and gender...
                                    funny you should say that...
it has become a reality in the west with these transitions
in accordance with st. thomas' gospel, among other things,
but it's more about how: words do not have genders
in english...
                                     english hasn't evolved to incorporate
gender "roles" in its words, it doesn't have it...
   which translates into the fiasco we see everywhere
in the internet prone world...

              i can't distinguish the masculine or the feminine
in speaking english...
          księżyc (masculine): moon        słońce (feminine): sun.
lampa (feminine): lamp
                                             świeca / świeczka (feminine): candle...
and once again a better example: english words
   can't contain or express diminutive form, e.g. as the above
for candle... it requires the crutch of an adjective,
   and even that word is an approx. to describe a language
that allows words to accept the diminutive...
                mały (cm) that leads into malutki (mm)
that leads into maluteńki (μm) - that leads into
   maciupki (nm) / it's more endearing given the μm scaling...
                                 try to apply the diminutive aesthetic
to the original word beyond
                 the already stated ... and you're writing nonsense.
                
so why is the english language so ****** naked?
naked up to the point that it has to be so "active" in the real
world? i know that oxford dons would like to
     start spewing their grammar rules... but i can't find
the diminutive, for one... for second sexes of words...
and thirdly... trans-humanism when talking about animals...

c. examples from the sketch

gęba / buzia: the mouth, the former being utilised in
such examples as: niewyparzona gęba / a foul mouth...
    buzia? what about it? well: buziaki (kisses) - all angelic.
the distinction comes with pysk... that's derived
                              from the snout... and my my... how
my logic has failed me on this point...
but wait!
             oh looky looky! there's another better
example!                     głowa                          łeb (łbem)
                             head                                 this!
zaczynam sie łbem (i begin with the "head") -
                            kończe sie ogonem (and end with the tail):
so out pops out the distinction between a human head
and an animal's head... the word: łeb.
                    something akin to: crude, protruding
                                                      ­                    or large.
d. in conclusio

is this the guide to what the western world is experiencing?
or at least motivating... well: this is just part
of the bigger picture, it's answer as any answer might be:
befitting to a select interested in taking to this view...
during my "career" of education, i never heard
of the masculine / feminine concepts applicable to words
in the english language... but who cares these days:
it's interesting to watch lunatics taking to st. thomas'
gospel seriously, literally, not appreciating poetry,
                                     overcrowding in prisons as the lunatic
asylums folded and disappeared: with society
being just a massive azyl... a scary word like
                           it's known in my birthplace - morawica;
it's a word that strikes fear into the hearts of men
and women -         it sounded so notorious that they later
changed it... had to: the town of kielce was given
a bad reputation because of it.
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2018
pierdole, jade do Turka, bo inaczej ni-ma rady: pospolicie, czyli na pszysięge: klnąć! nad to:  ścisk ‘zora, o! tyle! gleba!  ścisk - tym ‘zorem siekać, i u-ci-sss-kać! no to dopić: pod ten brak  šatana - tego Ukrainskiego atamana - brak mu ręki - bo na ścisk - jak to mówie: cisza - szmer i śmiech! a to wiadomo czemu tak auto-matem iota ma główke - czemu nie ćιsza, jeno cisza? a no, dla tego! ja nie prosie by tak prosić na gotowe! a tu wysłane! cygan z dywanem perskim, a i tak nie wygoda! bo czemu kropka nad ι‘otą? a bo sie czyta Spinoze i sie pyta: nad literami grawituje tym pytaniem. - to też znaczy: poza lewą nie wie co prawa ręka robi - bo to oczy czytem jedno, a zór lepi drugie - kto by domyślił sie inno turkie ğ to jak ‘glika ha, ha gag - ab surd! grav’ niet kā’ron! bo i tak: śmierć metafizyki jest nowo-narodzonym szczylem (ščylem) ortografii - czyli dwa razy po krótkie i - jakby jota - głucho puste widzi-mi-sie (brakujący ogon, czytem: diabł ma rogi - a zatem: pytń  o ‘gon... jom ci pszepisze Ajrysza Finnegans Wake, tym bogatszy, a przy tym powiem: pierwsza cegła pod ten mur: al-buraq - czyli ten burak - czyli, die rotebeetemauer - jebaniec poniemiecki, jeszcze mu mało pożyczonych słowików... cirp ci kuźwa dam’nom, bedzie bi-da! bi-da! kozmopolitan tylko górali i szkocki akcent bawi na lublu... to cie kurwa zabawi, prędzej dziób pingwina skryje sie w moim łokciu, jak i dąb na tle mojej dłoni! pije, pali, konia wali... w imie ojca i syna, i duchownictwa szarańczy. post / pre scriptum: wolno myślący człowiek nie ma teorii ego, jeno mape, nie algebre o ten niedosyt znaka X - dawym imie - dycha! co pincet znaczeń, dycha! nie nie, aby podpis analfabety - tzn. X i ego, ** i superego, *** i id - tzn. to tamto, owanto. wu czy u - czy wiem i nie wiem, czy: kiedy piszesz i wydalasz cieć klaustrofobii - czyli: chłopie nie pisz jak plotnik fobii jesteś - ad abstractum - od nowa: Zyd na Gestapo - pewnikiem nie żaden: Brzeczyszczykiewicz - schusza - jakby odwrót: syty - szyschkami - šon - ko-kurwa-konery! jebudjed; budujem? da da... ja ni kocham tybi ty ni koi me. a to co? działa NA-WA-RO-NE-SO-LA-TI-DO. ponownie - sprość: ğnome - ğnostic - cisza nad gje.*

i to prawda,
   ta Grecja...
       kołyska zachodniej
cywilizacji -
   tzn. bahory,
      młode gówna:
   kakaшki -
lecz! Virgil i co Turek dobrze
wie... Grecja? nuda
i szambo murmur
w Edenie pirackim zwanym
Loon-dyn...
       bo ci powiem co ci powiem
a ci powiem jak Zagłoba -
   tym bardziej kochać
jak czerni syn w pieśń nad góry ‘niem:
   Bo-***! mój to ulubieniec.
           pisz wiersz ‘ciupki -
maciupki paniczku -
   pisz wiersz po każdej
książce...
              a co w Polsce?
meandry uczuć!
   tak, tak, z babcią ci powiem
nie o Greckiej piekności -
powiem ci o Turkeckiej -
    - co, za... SIKSA!
- i sam bym głowe w ogniste dupsko
diabła wsadził po modłach przed
ołtarzem nie jednej iskry Aten
                          blednącej -
   w tamtą strone jedzie w czern
ubrana żałobą piękna -
w pół kroi sie Ukraina i Grecja...
a tam, tam w post scriptum
Byzantina - siedzi wicher serca
cerkiew i meczet cukrzynka -
martwe to morze, morze,
martwe, lecz nie sól inno cukrem
lśniące błoto, jakby
   z Szanghaju *** świnski -
   córa dla starego i młodego -
Sühan - Sühan - Sühan Tuğba -
     po nią znów 100,000 łajb płynie -
dawna Troja -
  bo ci powiem co ci powiem -
     Turk nie Muzułman -
po Alim drugi - godny sfat Pers'a -
bo jak nie - Turk u progu Europy -
nawet i ja na podziw przed
    obchodem Kaab'y siedem razy
motłochu wart ogląd szkarabu -
i ten słodki adhan -
           bo dla szczoła śpiwać to
na marnie -
     boli też pruch po tych starych
bakach pośmiewiska papistwa...
   jebana kurwa mać w koło to samo -
nie wiem jak, ale
    wolałbym zdradzić chrzest
niż go przyjąć -
           ponownie -
ale jeno pod chorągwięm Turka -
jako janczar -
         chociaż tam jest: śpiew!
a nie, dzwon, dzwon w głąb 'pusciany!
czy też krokiem: kra kra krasnoludy!
fu!
     gorzkość i brzydota!
          mówie! Turek po łacinie
zacina? zacina - alfa-kurwa-becik
po jakiemu? nie po Ł'cinie
godnym Lwowa?
           z Turkiem moge, bo sie
chce, on i tak już lizał Bałkan
   i prawie zawstydził Wiedeń!
    ale to ciwilizowany Pan,
         bo umnie ubrać i nawet
pozwoli wypiç kiedy kości wychodzą
z ciała ogrzać cień!
     o tyle lepszy -
jaki przy Turku z Troją w ręku
i przy Perskim stygnięciu jest
ten prostak Arab...
     a jak im sie skończy czarny glut
to będa eksportować pioch!
    już wiem gdzie,
         na plaże Albionu!
             i tyle powiem -
   o Turka warto byłoby zdradzić -
bo skąd inne, piękniejsze od
  Greczynek niż ciup-ciup pijące
         wróbelki z nad Bosforu?
   Turek drugi Ali i trzeci podział
Izlamu - bo wkręt Ł'ciny -
             i tym też -
               sfoboda -
                 tym też dawny Byzan -
i Troja - i co jak nie Rzym -
        ostatni kalif -
                    i tym Arab w świecie
jak Żyd -
          ale o tym mniej od Żyda -
bo to bogacz na wielblądzie który
nie tylko nie może sie zmieścić przez
oko igły, a co też nie może
zmieścić sie w swe portki!
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2017
oj nie, nie w mej "parafii!" po prostej: spierdalaj z tym dziwatswem, jak naj dalej ty potrafisz! kiedy by to znało swego ojca, by tak samo zamordowało swego nosiciela, kiedyś zwaną matkę: nie kuś... nie kuś... to nie prosze: to groźba!*

to trza ducha trzymać -
i swą odpowiedz dać;
gdyby to nawet w mgle,
w ogniu,
  w czerni lochu
                dna bałtyku!
    czy też
           w węndrówkach
                       cienia: wiatru!
o czym, boga memu,
ja z tobą mam o czym do
gadania?!
czy ty wreszczie zrozumisz
ten żal, mego serca,
kiedy powiem ci:
          kiedyś raz,
teraz "czasem",
      a wkrótce nigdy!
ponad ten jeden bolesny
lecz piekielnie warty raz...
nigdy! wiecej!
wraz z swą morde:
  zór kluskiem i kołyską,
a kwit zęba na poczęcie
gryzu...
            aby to dziecie:
nigdy nie widzialo zwyżu:
ani ksziężyca, ani słońca!
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2016
pre-scriptum: zapisałem sie... jutro wyśle zdięcia... fatalnie zakochany w tych grotach.

jak by mnie myślnym / myśliwym tokiem myśli nie chcieli równać z sobą to bym odmówił, lecz nadali film wedle Sokratesa, a ja Anglikom odmówie, bo chcem, nawet po kurz Mongolii, mam dość tępych Irlandczyków! przeciąg mnie dusi! te wyspy to wyryty gnój Ameryki.

te zdzięcia zbyt kuszaące - jak już powiedziałem pewnej dziewczynie na internecie... nie sprzedam mojego głosu jeżeli mi nie zaplacą! a nic nie dali, jeno gówno! to powiem je w gromadzie takich co mówią na migi - jak ten co z pochodnią na wejście smoka a poszedł trysta razy! zapominieć mówienia po polschu (ja niby Żyd, w Buenos Aires? no, niby post-Holocaust, to takie tango a nie tanz Bar Mitzvah w aleii Golders Green) - jak jedna: wiem skąd burak jest jak niby pochodnią nad ziemi chwytem w otchłan piękna i stokrotki... czyli: co jabłoń da, to róża odbierze, piękno niby było jadalne, a owoc ten jadalny był pięknem, który nigdy nie odda cierpieniu zacmienia, a jednak ponownie, ponownie, ponownie; jednak nadal w wstecz na gre: ojczyzna! ojczyzna! z agrafką po to by odnaleść tą sfobodną szlachte naszego rozbroju: co znaczy życie nasze a ich jeno kichnięńciem, księcia, ktoóry ksiądz imitacją ochlał wedle vino veritas!

kurwa! kartoflana gleba tłumaczenia Joyce'a!

Londyn to ino klejnot Arabii, tu nic nie rośnie, jeno głab czyli muzg kapusty, to znaczy oklask Mensa... nie?!

te zdzięcia i ja to jak ramie w ramie ze złudną imprezą za tą Ostanią
czyli mortum fatali

jak Narcyz wpatrzyłem sie w nie i myśle by nawiać na wyspy Owcze czy też Mongolie, zdala z tej lachy "swiata" i ludobójstwa ekonomicznego, wkoło mnie tylko wieprz gra na wiolonczeli, i tak dobrze gra że motłoch nie zna falszu od falsetto, jeno udaje na tle cytatu psa mówiącego: sausages! sausages! how! how!

więc wole w tych lochach odbytem powiedzieć co Zachód zna jako rękopis mojej zdrady, bo ja tu następnej i tej cholernej minuty wole w Syberie gnać, z duchem czy bez ducha... Gangrene Green... mysli tu jakiś z Essex'u tuman że Rzym odlalazł bez akcentu na literach; bo tu każdy pyta czy jest szalony czy tylko napisał Alicja w Kraine Czarow i Pedofilii.

post-scriptum: czemu nie piszom Řešów? bo im škoda? Wojewoda Prostanoga ptija - bo to po Ruszku pyta... a cygan... to znacy chyba. Holender i stare smieci... ale boli kiedy powrót stanowi więcej niż tempus lux.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2017
alt. original fleetwood mac - breakout - kiedy byłem małym chłopcem (when i was a small boy).*

**** me!
  if this is the sort of music that was
played behind the iron curtain?
please! please!
   oh god please take me back!
one and only one example is
sufficient:    
   breakout's      
     kiedy byłem małym chłopcem...
  (when i was a small boy)...
  it's like
    listening to fleetwood mac...
oh wait...
   peter green's fleet...
         before the female vocals...
ha ha... "cultural appropriation"...
white boy's blues...
         could be a genre, could be...
was.
   http://tinyurl.com/ycql35uu.
           yeah, communism was all bad...
solidarity activists
   infiltrated an iron maiden concert
with badges in warsaw or katowice
                    (sputnik),
sent ol' **** wałęnsa to florida
in hawaiian shorts... plus plus...
    oj, leszek... niezły floral pa-pa-tern!
the story of breakout parallels
that of fleetwood mac... great blues
bands... guitars of the former band:
pan nalepa...
              oh yeah, no culture
under the iron curtain, universal shared
misery that hoped to attain a plataeu
of shared misery...
    very bad, bad bad bad, all bad!
   ah, i won't even mind talking about
the coal-miners' saint that was gierek...
        and some said: hallucinating
maggie had all the wild cards ready for
    a reagan insurrection... howdie pawtner...
  (sure, quick i.e. in howdie,
alt. howdy)...
   giddie up!
         we're heading for the rodeo!
and a texan bush-wackers' tight-nip,
       getting spanked with a cactus! ye-ha!
alt.?   no hyphen, two acutes:
       yé há!      branches... gotta break 'em.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2016
and you now see what they made me do? i'd never thought it would come to this, that i had to crawl back to the mainland of europe to find a publisher, because the appreciation of publishing poetry in england is null, nil, zero, nothing, a mustard seed's worth of hope; this mediation of saving the amazon rainforest to save up on paper and the first yawn of the digital age, among cat videos and ****, there you have it, a massive blotch on the intended utility of this **** thing - i'm not even angry any more, just ****** nervous - or as the old writer said in his appreciation of poverty and feeling guilty concerning what he deemed to be his riches (a record collection and a private library): happy trails kids.*

Droga Pani Anno,

przepraszam za popszedni email, mianowicie że był on bez poważnej formy i tematyki, taki po prostu skrutem. Lecz przez osiem lat nie-ustannego pisania, pisząc do osoby w pozycji umożliwienia publikacji wkroczyła we mnie trema opisywania rzeczywitości - tzn. kiedy widze śledząc pisanie innych poetow na internecie - i tą marude znaną jako rozczarowanie jeżeli chodzi o szanse publikacji, nie tylko jednego wiersza w magazynie poetickim, a o całej książce własnych wierszy to już ża dużo można powiedziec o aborcji dalszych i utrzymanych ambicji. Myśle wiec ze 100 egzemplarzy nie jest asz tak nie realistyczne, wiem że poezja snuci swą muzyke dla nie wielu czytelkników, określone najlepiej dwoma obserwaciami: w angielskich gazetach można spotkać recenzje książek na wiele tematów (autobiografie najczęsciej), lecz o poezji praktycznie nic, oraz fakt że nie dawno tylko jedna książka poezji osiągneła sprzedaż ~10,000 egzemplarzy w Angli - a mówie że 100 nie jest nie realistyczne poniewarz na jednej stronie (hellopoetry.com) mam około 40 zawziętych czytaczy - 936 wierszy i wszytkie przeczytane przez tą skromną kadre - a na facebook.com mam 178 znajomych których poznałem czy to na uniwersytecie czy też w szkole. Tak, a więc 100 egzemplarzy.

Mateusz Conrad E.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2016
ale czysto w tej E - U - Ρ - Ω - Π - J - Η.

islam leiben historie, nicht Ottoman,
Ottoman pseudo Khan, islam leiben historie:
eins, zwei, drei und vierte maulkor'bzeugè'naussagé
(sausage marathon); they love their history
mind you ψι and τρι...  kaganiec u stóp w
krok stu odpowiedzi w jedną droge:
raz jeszcze, w las i w cienie iglą tej tętnicy wybryk chęć
na gre, by zadać zbyteczne  pytanie! na odpowiedź
oskarzyć czas z wiedzą zegara,
i tą ostateczną, wartą końca, namylsnością...
ponownie oskarzyć jako począt narodu -
tylko golasa, warte imie kroka ka ka kar Kasymir'ah!
wedle Tsara, czołem w tło wymagań na wyryte
zapomnieniem lat: oddech'u Uzbeku chafta
wspomnień wiatru i chorongiew latawcy
jak niby urojen konceptu narodu...
ja człek tylko w psiarni! i tak powiem, tak,
wiara, panem na zbyt wiele pamięci Janosika
i Radio Maria;
o tyle czerpie zgon, ponownie, ponownie,
by ocalić, niby swiętego, i pogrzebać swój naród...
ale wstyd! wstyd! by ocalić jednego niby
swiętego, lecz nadać obszar rodem Polak'a
ponad Polske i w ramach Irlandie; jaki to wstyd
nawet ten mnie wart, co nie nada snu!
co za wstyd - nie warto umierać wiele razy,
kiedy ten ostatecny oznacza raz jeszcze -
                      *quo vadis, qua lectio?
-
ten raz jeszcze, i ten ostatni, o tyle wiele poradni
przed wieloma nocami snu.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2017
ozór mam swej ręce,
    oko
        w swym pysku,
  a słowo,
                 w swym oku; \ \ \ \
jeno anioł siedzi w mym
uchu, i gawędzi
     jak jakiś chłop
       o marnym wykształceniu;
bo se baba chciała chłopa...
  co by wydoił koze!
a ten chlop...
             hula-hula-hoop!
ucho zbyt warte...
   prawie nie warte
  kiedy serce szepcze;
                     i serce szepcze,
to co umysł głosi na folwarku!
   ten sam: za rok znowu
       wiosna!
       a serce szeptem:
     zapawene...
    a ty nie ojcem oczekiwań
  masz nie zaznać jakąś zmiane,
    chociaż tą najmniejszą,
by dać roku wyrok - tzn.
          ten przed, nigdy nie
     będzie ten po?
   nawet te zmarszczki na twym
czole, to nie te same glizdy
     w glebie ciebie, adamie,
                      zwanym ziemio?

i have my tongue
   in my hand,
   my eye
      in my gob,
and the word,
             in my eye. / / / /

moj jedyny kres to
     watek ukrainski...
poza czym, jedynie
slask wyrósł...
  *contra conslave

  hrabiń, i hrabów.

i tak też zerkam kiedy
na piaskach
ojczyzny...  ależ dziwnie,
prawie, a nawet wcale
jak niby to miało być i na mój
odczuć: ponownie w domu;
                     nie;
i już nigdy tak
                 nie będzie,
pomimo to że z tej
                 ziemi jestem -

pies warczy, pies szczeka...
              las otchłan ziewnienciem
otwiera,
           i tym, zasłania ludzką mowe,
mowiąc:
             to co myślisz, nie jest
to co wiesz...
        jak w ogrodzie:
    i będziecie znać różnice między
myślą, a wiedzą, powiedział dzik...
tym, drugim kłamstwem
   od pierwszego, zapewnionym.
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2016
ah ******* ęnglishman! ty jedynie Liverpool!

kielce i scyzoryk...
                                                     no i tyle...
korona i gleba -
                                  kacap i świnia -
nagle napoleon
                                                     na capie
                            i tuwim i ja:
kiedy to zadupie zwane
Moskwa wrota
otwiera: jak pizda kurwy
na tle stonogi - fu fu...
co za perfum! czasem wu
casem ef -         ale nie nagle kastrat!
hujnia hu, hujnia ** -
blat blata w komin indora brzuch
wpycha, na siłe, ale jej brak!
no to blah blah blah blah... blah;
apropo(s), tzn. nie
tyczy tyczki czyli upper-long-jump,
      neun meter bach oben;
za grass za grass - uberschiellsewonderbra:
like peeling the skin of a ******* bag:
magician's rabbit in it too!

a ona nadal nie kuma...
holender plu w jej twarz
a ona myśli że mowa
raptem po ceausescu czešku!
škoda / szkoda -
tak samo zwane:
   pie
r*dolenie of chopenie (szo! szu! mucha
                               w uchu! taki oto
                      kwaskowy miód!)
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2016
też masz mi do powiedzenia, jak niby włókło włókna szarosci sierści psa, dało skóre tą samą, godną, na ubiór człowieka! o tyle, tylko czy ten pies nie igra w psie zasady i maniery łyskotek ogona, a raczej: z krókiem w krok swego pana, na ilość kra kra ha ha! KRA! HA! bo sie barbarossa obudzi!*

potwory na wyspach!
każdy murzyn to wie!
tu nie ma społeczeństwa,
tu nie ma nawet dialogu,
kiedy mensch kochąjacy
mensch jest w nad grobie
ozora zakryty
szambem, i chwyta brzytwy
bo tonie nad dwóch tą krytyką!
i tu ten upiór rady i wolności,
niby, nagle opartym królem
na tronie sracza,
o! królestwo zwanem szambo!
na typ repliki króla jana!
jedna dziwa ulic uciekła bo powiedziałem
rym henryka żon wedle idolizacji karola,
pierwszy z czołem ścięty, drugi nie,
a co trzeci? a tu nagle w gazele!
*** raj car cajs, w ten rytmiczny bieg!
hola hoop! *** tsar cajs! ona w bieg!
no, pięć minut wykorzystane
dla brygady oxfam.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2016
i can't be repentant, he's there, strapped
to that stump of iconoclasm of his,
and you expect me to repent?
i have no mea culpa left in me to
do that, strangers' dogs familiarise themselves
for a brief petting and i cry,
a riddle: what two upturned sockets
give a smile? two harlequins and a pierrot:
for the eyes eagle sadness when laughter approaches,
and the eyes eagle happiness when laughter's
concubine (sadness) revels naked trapped by
waterfalls of eager misery.

you're not going to school me...
ponce... poets are paranoid concerning
a narrator, poets are paranoid about narrators,
sartre's c.c.t.v. existentialism, the eye
through the keyhole...
while he's strapped to that holy geometric of
his, that stump, i'm not supposed to
do penance, do a *mea culpa
,
in rite of imitating a heartbeat of guilt
with clenched fist against the chest:
mea culpa... mea culpa... mea culpa...
what am i, the democratic demographic
of the Pharisees?!
i have though, a philosophical inquiry,
let's imagine you're old school,
born in the 1980s, ha ha (old school,
i guess the internet does indeed belong
to *****-like creatures of youth
who'll swarm and literally abuse the **** thing),
so let us imagine you were old enough
to buy compact disks and respect artists
for their effort (i've said countless times,
i'd rather ask for free ***** than free music,
that's the first step to initiating the power of a.i.,
make certain professions redundant,
better in communism where no art was allowed,
althought breakout - kiedy byłem małym chłopcem - https://goo.gl/kHzmEi -
******* hippies via the beatles
when they were back in the u.s.s.r. - or something
akin to that six sharpshooter visa a vie via...
a.i. is a mingling of analytical and synthetic perception,
a perfect balance, analysis is worth storage,
synthesis is a non-replica guidance,
what is experienced cannot be replicated
for fear of mistake,
indeed the old question, was god who crafted man
or was man who crafted god, only a mechanic
technicality, like this philosophic curiosity i have
for you in hope of stalling you:
then man with steam engine and in linear fashion
for once plump beauty to venture into
anorexia... then god with his vacuum engines
of planetary orbits, neither able to immerse in
plagiarism...
i used to buy compact *****, i still do,
i'd burn them onto the hard-drive,
but some were scratched, the scratches in mp3
formatting were like computer viruses,
i'd put them into an ipod and guess what,
once the ipod played the former scratched c.d.
mp3 version it would create a physical malfunction,
the ****** thing would break apart...
it would twitch, it would shut the power off...
a scratched c.d. converted into mp3 can destroy
an ipod.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2017
no, nie wyparzona morda... masz racje dewotko... bo ta morda to pysk psa, a jak każdy dobry pies wie, tak i też: SZCZEKA! WARCZY! kiedy widzi nie-przyjaciela na podwórku swego pana!

dajcie mi ludzie tło!
a ja wam dam
oddech pokory -
zwanym dusze -
i to co zwanym jest
wspólnotą!

   i to co też jest
kroplą potu nad
      brwią darwina
kiedy mrok zaspany,
ziewiający, pyta:
czy jest, czy też był
taki czy owaki naród
pod mą
  "nie-obecnością":
który miał
  tyle tchu *brovado

pytać czy ja,
   a nie on sam siebie,
     w lustrze widzi?

na czele tym co
jest język tęczy -
zwanym
    iskrą,
zwanym
wynagrodzeniem
rozruźnienia
koloru w
     biel i w mrok!
     ronin!       búnt!

fu! pierdole tą
polską ortografie!
  niech bałwan bałwana
a potem osła jebie
mrożonką marchwi!

  
ludzie! dajcie mi tło!
a ja wam dam oddech:
na czym miałem malować
wasz cerkiew,
ten dom, to godło warte -
     narodu:
             i ludu krwi... lecz
nadal nad krew i kości sens
poświęncenia:
                na marsz wedle
                    totem: ambicji!
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2017
the want for peace is as enduring
as a want for war....
imitation of machine-gun firing
whole magazins into thin air,
and even more thin, fleeting
concepts of echo...
the world, as we make it, in
the given... that hasn't exactlty happened,
and will never happen...
"hypocrite" internet crusaders...
        of that kind and of that demand....
the only undermining of man
is that he should become useless...
am i? am i? look here, a throng!
only satan borne from god asking a question,
only satan borne from god doing ? with i...
figuring it out...
only a satan borne from such: bemused
instance... and the following sentences...
women seem to only wish their men
are content in what they do...
id the men are not doing the thing intended
then they become unhappy...
   i feel i need to state i was privileged...
if i ever had to wait for a huspand
and a bouquette of tulips...
       how i will itemise, how i will check for faults,
how i'll lesion for minor errors...
and call to **** the basis for
   1... or siamese, or why we say
very little for punctuation,
and comprehend much more above the status
of a punctuation mark...
               so i am here, i have a purpose,
satan is man embedded in the world...
what the **** happened?
     it is iota, i turned into ?, rather than !,
as if happens, every time i approach
a cinema or a movie...
            what word could comfort one
when in tears, if not allah?
the jew knows the name of god,
and its comfortably too complex to blah out.
just about the time we first said
our ma-ma our pa-pa...
                   we might have said something
akin to al-lah...
                        and i'll twist and turn,
and "mould"my bodwith repeat
repeat repeat.... repeating
kiedy dzieci w świat wyrószą! -
and i, once listened to a recital,
   a young german boy, of bilingual descent,
reading be a children's book...
on a train... there... what beauty
in lament, and the take to tear....
   ah... that stance for: a man that wept...
what rarity, and what gravity,
and what number they have to argue back...
i've seen more metaphors and
indeed more rivers and waterfalls in
my tears, if i had unravelled
    the said things and walked toward a mirror,
and spoke what they spoke...
and felt the imprint, and have seen
the reflection in such things...
  i am shadow, i am hunch,
       i am exile... what was once,
perhaps said...
                     that i gave up my left hand
for a labrador to knead into pet...
how i then put my right hand into
a fire and retracted it gleeful like
i might be a prometheus...
oh god, once the narratives from antiquity
are so well established, how cheap it all
seems, and looks, how we tire, how we try
to exhaust the cow's ****....
and how we make joke from farting...
or how i am prone to cry,
on a morning palette of having only drank....
and drinking with the morning
the throat is dry-cut sore, dry, sorry...
   lao che's jinn...
              nie chce boga
   (i don't want god), bo szkoda
             (because it's careless)....
             how we mature into wanting so much
more than kettles, knives, and vacuum cleaners...
how we want spirit, ghost, and
then make adamant that there's a need for thought
and a need to disperse it...
   how so much spirit went into crafting thought...
that thing though... it get's me...
that cry for a father... symbiotic with writing
a narrative in western culture...
   odd, how a man capable of being reduced
to tears... can single-handed overcome, every, woman...
meaning he can't lie, meaning he can't believe
in the capacity to faint...
   meaning that he needs no breathing ground
to encapsulate faith...
        the only thing more dangerous than
a man crying when hearing some music
is a woman armed with a *****.
as i take my bow...
                    and duly give applause...
for that is certain... and i am bound in being
kept earnest...
  on the basis: it's really how the whole point
moves forward... i can be the sieve,
or the activity making the sieve... well... sieve...
like akin to filter...
     my native land of birth seems to mythical
counting the next minute to the next to make an
hour, that i almost lost thought to be anything
but.... thingy...
  yeah... every time i travel to poland i''m
most alive when i step into a graveyard...
          tombstones almost has the same sound
when stating the word people...
given the latter move, becomes butchers
and architects... while the latter nothing but
quasi trees, dates of contained yearning,
and sometimes the epitaph...
                oh the swollen grounds of what
is kept, needlessly kept, and what ought to remain...
looking at our own morality,
   i see a history of paupers...
           we are only working from the street up...
poking the case of diogenes...
there i am sown, and there i sow the stubborn
calamity... who would care to manage
competition with the west,
given their sole grammatical competition
was based on the pronoun category?
    i always thought they spoke more shrapnel
than sense...
        big bang theory worth a vascuum...
like i'm yawning... the sound of...
it happens every time i travel back to poland...
i hear, life!
          it's when i'm back in england
and i hear this journalistic dialogue about needing
to export it to remote areas of the world like
Moldovia...
      are journalists that much necessary
if they happen to fake telling a story working from
a per se bias...
   reading the thursday edition of a newspaper
i sorta lost the plot, or a need for a plot...
        i could be offered a circumstance to re-read
that i cowered, that i shrivelled and went away...
     it's only that i spent 3 weeks in Poland
and i really didn't see too much emphasis on journalism...
  or really bother a need to know basis...
   or have to entertain an opinion or to begin with, have one:
like when i didn't have a sparring
partner to create a dialectical outlet / punching bag...
     3 weeks in Poland can cure a man living in the west,
you can automatically stop drinking, read a book
and never even care to write anything...
you come back west and you have this pathos for a need
to write... don't know...
i like how phonos (φoνoς) is so clearly proximate of
pathos (παθoς)...
when wasn't the statment: silence,
   not a concern to say or identify a pathology?
just about when man said too much...
and the otherwise became inverted,
and man said too much,
        and thought very little, and philosophy
came into existence much too late...
if it ever was worth a moral agency,
that thought could ever be inscribed as:
   θ (ought, ought), like some coordinate,
definite... instead of the ******* between
θ (ought) and φ (narration)...
               looks like you're asking for a
locksmith, for ****'s sake.
then they said: poseidon's trident...
let's resurrect symbols, the crucifix and ψ...
now i really lost the tail and injected
an upright spine into undertanding, what the hell
i was supposed to understand!
so yeah ψ (counter-narration)...
    the actual need to overly psychologise
the people stems from, i dare say,
               hyperventilating number of books
in libraries...
it's nice to see so much emphasis on a psyche...
poseidon's signature... ψ... trident?
no?
    don't see it or can't see it?
sounds about the same when you
do it in french with another god name,
zeus, jesus, je suis... je sus... je ßaß
                           mohicans thereafter...
ah, yeah, that night in winter, in warsaw,
i could almost take to the moon, pick at it
and bite into it like i might inton a chocolate
            bit biscuit...
and that's how i made the greek equivalent
of sigma...
  with θ, φ, ψ....
                                 a door... variantion of not
what's to be said, to be said,
but how there's a thought, a morality,
and something that attempts to understand sanity...
i just like to think of it as inserting
a key into a keyhole, and walking through
a door...
meaning the encoding would look like
φ, θ, φ, ψ...
         now i was supposed to walk through a door...
all i have is a ******* acquarium
and a yawn...
      my uncle owned an aquarium once,
lost a leg in a submarine accident...
  huh?
                 me neither... i'm not that audacious
to state there was a big bang and keep
people motivated for the mission: let's get frisky!
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2020
.i don't know are you here to listen to classical music for the same reasons as i? i never bothered with any i.q. testimony or how: i'll abstract "better"... i'm here because... quiet frankly... the drums are doin' my 'ed in... thump thump thump... knocking on doors and the sound of hooves on cobblestone clanking along would probably be a sometimes of a: more appealing hope... and quite frankly the lack of vocals... otherwise modern music and the drums would require one to scream rather than sing - to pass a soul a breath through the custard scrutiny of a wall... why wouldn't drumming translate into gore-screaming sensations; - i'm here to escape the drums and the vocals... some would claim that: Vladimir Lugovskoy has the most serene wikipedia entry of a life: that's better lived - if not best lived... no chance of drowning further than one should: with an epitaph... i have walked many graveyards... i'm yet to find a grave with an epitaph... to me that's like... finding a unicorn!

for as long as i remember... i thought that prokofiev
couldn't better his oeuvre...
outside of his lieutenant kijé (suite), op. 60...
notably the romance piece...

there's a saying about a classical music station...
say, a classic.fm - that what is played is only a fraction
of what was ever produced...
how is a pop music radio station any different
to a classical music station?

it's not really... and there's that other saying:
that most of what is played...
is by a fraction of composers...
the "lesser" composers are only known
for a single piece...

edging toward 34 years...  and... no...
i haven't heard this piece before...
for me it's like a compensation for
liking wojciech kilar's: the beginning
from the film dracula...
oddly enough...
how these two pieces seem to
                "borrow" from each other...

but no amount of time listening to a classical radio
station would have brought me here...
the youtube algorithm spat out an: anomaly...

        otherwise during the day... there's that program...
from 1pm to 5pm... when people phone in...
and... they rarely ask for something specific...
the names of classical music
            pieces are already complicated...
they instead ask for... something akin to the mood
they're in...
well: who would bother remembering
the names - muzak express!
high-brow my ***... music...
that... after all... is... the antithesis of
modernity in that: can i hear any drums?
i wouldn't bet on the drums being included...
whereas most of what's modern:
if the drums are not involved...
does that imply: there's no rigor and standard
bearing to time the matter?

i thought i better call in sometime ago...
and ask for... christopher young's - something
to think about - from the hellraiser II: hellbound
soundtrack...

well...
sergei eisenstein's 1938 film alexander nevsky -
and what prokofiev gave for it...
notably: the battle on ice: 5 April 1242...
but this is new to me...

it's not like discovering: the moody blues'
spin on pop music with:
nights in white satin and... days of future past...
i have listened to the radio many a times...
but prokofiev's alexander nevsky suite
never made it... to be aired...
a relic - russia under the mongolian yoke,
song about alexander nevsky,
the crusaders in pskov, arise ye russian people,
the battle on the ice,
the field of the dead, alexander's entry into pskov...
there really can be worse ways
to spend circa 40 minutes of your time...

was there a composer that might have
celebrated another date...
15 July 1410 - my history - this sort of history -
perhaps even "god":
apology - i know it's rather... infantile of me
not donning the proper togas and
contentious smiles... of it's a wish for salting
the open wound matter...
of course: always: the "other" the "forgotten"
crusades...
bride of the crown: lithuania -
the pagans that lived into the 15th century!
again: circa.

next on the list: prokofiev's ivan the terrible
suite... but i'm guessing that's going
to very ambitious of me...
but i have allowed myself to stomach
miles davis' ******* brew and coltraine's:
a love supreme...
  prokofiev's ivan: i don't predict anything
less epic... the ultimate nerve-ending shatter...
but... probably not as...
philip glass toying with penderecki...
mahler... even in classical music there are limits...
when a bout of existential apathy seeps in...
and you have grown out of cutting your arms...
or chicken-scratching them...
you might own a female cat...
and forget to cut her nails...
and you pick her up wanting to find
a babushka doll insides -
find the ultimate bonsai tiger to the already
bonsai tiger she already is...
and she digs her nails into your arms...
all this while imagining putting a needle
into your ear while listening to some mahler...
or penderecki...
that's: well... the ultimate sacrifice for anyone
self-harming...
a combination of the two...

otherwise, in history... why did the northern
crusades takes place?
well... the calamity of the 4th crusade...
the largest army... the german army...
pickled barbarossa and... the drowning in the puddle...
and the loss of moral...
a crusade was going to happen...
anyway... if it didn't happen in the holy land...
it could happen in the east:
perhaps a mongol or two could be converted
too...

but: mein gott - i have to check if i have
any tattoos on my skin...
why? perhaps my "soul": no god no soul...
ergo summa summarum (grand Σ)
that other explanation for what "motivates"
me and what: doesn't make me think
about my heart: unless i'm having a heart-attack...
this membrane that shields my thought
from acquiring thoughts concerning
these thoughtless items -
when i walk: i don't think about walking
or moving my feet...

come the exclusive res cogitans...
coupled with the inclusive res vanus:
the thinking thing vs. the empty thing...
no god: no soul...
but there's still a summa summarum!
thinking is not the spider
and my body is not the spiderweb!
****: i thought you might suggest: ego, spider...
that we still have "ego theory"
and the counter: the germanic root:
prefix automated equivalent: self-...

and that no serious history would ever
take place... outside of the ethnic minority
reactions from the 20th century...
then i am... infantile... or imbecilic...
for looking toward the old forest...
with... not all crusades happened in the holy land
and against the muslims which ignited
Saladin...
some happened in north-eastern europe...
where the last pagans sat dormant...
at least into the early 15th century...

they have a name: krzyżak...
and the breath of the world: the wind...
blew these ******* in our direction...
because... barbarossa was pickled...
and he drowned in a puddle...
and what better way to invigorate a loss
of morale... and... be "left out"
from the 4th crusade party with richard I
and philip II augustus of france than...
turn one's attention elsewhere...
but by... historiological standards...

i be infant... having this tattoo of history...
i need to be told:
the only serious part of 20th century
history is: the m.l.k. oration!
some other... social justice cwusade!
wow! you brought the welsh with you?
i figured: what's the point of tattoing my body
with something akin to...
a Lale Sokolov's 19860515...
i'm still "there": as much as heidegger's
dasein allows me to be:
an inflated tattoo... it's missing 10 million
at least... to reach this number...

all serious history ever happend after 1950...
in terms of social change...
the closures of psychiatric asylums
and those... clown "fakeries" from:
bulletin lobotomy...
we all have that added spice in... all soz'
we wuz' knots not yuz...
yizzy? hasiddy yizzy gerschwitz
mild rash: what's that?
we can change the "jew" to a ***... no problem...
but i am tired...
what? "jew" becames a ***?
em... yiddish? lazy ol' sloth in acquired
english slang: ***- as prefixed...
omitted a punctuation mark: susan me!

             the following history that prokofiev's music
was invested in... "idiosyncratic"...
or... a juvenile delinquent case of:
keeping remains of a memory that...
oh: mein gott! doesn't include...
a... multicultural mandate!

from my perspective: this borrowed tongue...
i wouldn't be looking for
remains of the crusader armies...
but then again: barbarossa did drown in
a puddle and was pickled...
and the germans feeling they were being left out...
marched home and found...
their second jerusalem in Wilno...
i guess the mongolian itch was also the "real"
reason why... why loiter?

i have my own... what? history?
oh right... the past is me either being "romancing the stone"...
or the celebrated fate of the mamluks
and the janissaries? slaves or slavs...
etymology... i wonder how that excess
of an added E... looks...
alongside... what's to be eaten...
from: GERMANS... ah... the A and N...
said the "germs" to the "slaves"...

word: swovo...
                                            yabudyed!

it's infantile history though:
the only history that would ever concern
me as having come from the 20th century
and the furthest past...
no... not necessary...
the social juice and oratory speeches...
character before afro...
in english: i remember moving to england
aged 8... and... well...
being born into a monochromatic all white...
society: brave Zulu warriors...
under the patron saint of joking paul II
braved the berlin wall and the satellite
yoke of the communist empire...
and made it! into Poland!

this story... is a tree: that needs to be... ****** on!
liberally!
otherwise? no **** no ancient oak
stamp... savvy?

it's still prokofiev! it's still the alexander nevsky suite!
it's me starving... 30 years without litening
to it... it's... making sure...
that wojciech kilar... doesn't "borrow" from the suite...
otherwise: russophobia...
a quiet literal fear of the evil genius from the Muscovites...
while, simultanoeusly...
appreciating their sing-along and literature...
further alienation on the trench line of
islamophobia: apart from Rumi...
and le trio joubran? what's new in arabia?
law-rence?!

i know i know... having a body free from tattoos...
but a brain tattooed all over with these insignificant
dates... my bad... my, travesty!
i should best remember the civil rights movement...
in a country...
how many times have i visited Ypres?
enough to play sunflower: he loves me, he loves me not
using poppies...
i'm still waiting for my first ****** overdose
from the trips...

schematic: western europe remembers the 1st world war...
eastern europe: remembers the 2nd world war...
but that's still me being: infantile...
why have i been dealt this ****** hand of cards...
in terms of: what history is worth being
remembered... and what isn't...

whatever is happening to the palestianians...
under the israelis...
nothing quiet akin to what happened
to the ottoman muslims under the serbs...
and... what if the soviet union...
took the route of yuogoslavia...
when it collapsed?
what if the soviet union... happened like
yugoslavia happened?
upon disintegrating?

can you imagine?! there's only one praise
for the soviet union... the way it folded...
after all... the soviet union didn't do a ******* ms. sarajevo
as yugoslavia did...
pierdolone jugole... abused prefix term further
up north...
what's that? proto- / any pan- ethnicity umbrella
movement? oh... i thought the germanic plan
was working so well...
who failed? the british: these little brother
saxons... or the p.i.g.s.? portugese, italians,
greeks, spaniards?
i once upon a time figured...
so it wasn't about eastern europeans joining?
well... who was bringing the bulgarian
prostitutes into england? the turks were...

i am gnashing my teeth and peeling a suntan
to later burn over a fire and call it...
once properly stretched: the sort of leather
required for a pair of shoes!
or a belt!

am i still being infantile...
given i know historical figures akin to:
philip II augustus... alexander nevsky...
conrad I of masovia...
       ulrich von jungingen....
no... wait long enough: these people will
become myths... phantoms... ghosts...
no sooner than with the onslaught of time
in the ***** of journalism!
why is there a myth of Oedipus:
it's safe! it's safe to reap psychoanalytical
archetypes serfs of ego from
the couch-sitting bollocking-*******-herders!
it's safe... until the day...
when the crucifix will emerge as nothing more...
than a *****!

east? anything east of the Oder river
is called a... cyrillic! maestro!
a... швaб... a szwab... a "swabian"... a helmut...
hell-muttering of some ****...
he's not a ßaß... that proud term for a people
that came along after the romans
left these isles: which i am speak from...
little africa in northern europe: deutchland...
the pomeranians, the bavarians:
the швaбы...

as the old proverb states, my grandmother:
the only woman in the world that
always wants to fiddle with my beard...
i have never met a woman that wanted to play
with my beard... apart from my grandmother...
well... she says:

if you go among the crows: you better croak their croak...
that's too over-worded...
kiedy wchodzisz miedzy wrony:
musisz krakac jak i onny...
(no diacritical markers...
i feel lazy a'today)...
how's my assimilation coming along?
unique, due, unique "dude":

if you go among the crows: you better croak like
a crow...
so... given the russian is a bear...
moi... the french slav... ******...
well... i'm either the totem stork... or...
the bison... the european wunderkind!
from what i've heard? the letter: Ł?
well... it's as much kashubian and sorbian...
as it is... navajo... inupiaq...

when jung asked: modern man in search of soul...
i asked the materialistic question:
better or for worse: this has to be reworded...
if the breath became the soul...
and the soul became the spaghetti of daydreams
and other leftover rewards of thought from
having abstracted outside or inside
the triangle and the letter delta...
there must be a categorical impetus:
i.e. nothing is true... but i'll continue a...
roulette of will... subsequently...
i'll call it the corona-sigma: the summa summarum...
the crown-total...
wow... there's even a chemical name for it:
18-Crown-6  (1,4,7,10,13,16-hexaoxacyclooctadecane):
yes... the remains of alt-vater-deutsche:
words: notapprovedtobewithouthyphens...
still make it via chemistry...
everything else? oxford hyphen standards...
must be kept!

an imperative is not an impetus...
an imperative has the faculty of a sense of sight...
an impetus? blind man sentenced for ****...
how the hell he ever managed to find
the key let alone the keyhole that led
to the shameful expression of O of the door being
opened... and... guilt!
the pleasures bound to...
the least obvious investigations...
and by now... any drunkard's roulette
when the words come less as a precursor...
but more as: dear... still clinging to a "moral"
afterthought? non sic?

we were talking about prokofiev... weren't we?
lieutenant kijé suite - romance -
my epitome of: "sad and lonely": but god!
my most happy!
and... the newly found: prkofiev:
alexander nevsky - the battle of the ice...
and: how, somehow, wolciech kilar...
borrowed or played ping-pong with this music
to... originate with a dracula soundtrack:
the beginning...

me and my tattooless body...
what is this history? does it have to belong
within the confines of the 20th century exodus?
aren't people always speaking in the 21st century like:
but it's the 21st century!
if they say such things then the exodus must have
happened in the 20th century...
circa 50 years later...
and we're expected to behave like...
at least two centuries have passed since...
1968...
the inverted circus: hear the bang of a firework
first... then... the actual firework explode!

it's not something you'd want to experience
when walking down the Nevsky Prospect in St. Petersburg...
that i did pull off...
i managed to find a russian girl to fall in love with me...
she only wanted a spring and summer...
an autumn for a break-up...
thank god for that...
who is going to see russia from the people
i went to school with?
india's a bore... thailand is a bore...
the U, S of A... a bore...
we do have the cultural export frontline exposure...
what's new?
hell: if i want... i'd make it to israel...
but a month in russia?

oh it was worth the slap in the face...
even she knows it...
we were young, we were cruel...
we only had obligations for the heart to weave
a pseudo-mind and a quasi-skeleton we
would later call: the siamese crux...
and just before i met her...
i remember Edinburgh being haunted
by a ****** eclipse of the moon -
some would even claim it was the first time
they saw a marsian moon...
tinged crimean... borrowed from cardinal red...
and crimson...

some life... 13 or 14 years ago...
like i said, once already...
memory: cameo cinema that i love to revive
almost every night, when drinking...
because: it is not the most spectacular
a life that's worth... a backlog of autobiographic
entries readied: end of life sequence:
better scribbled than forgotten...
but an ongoing parrot's chatter... impromptu...
this the most unfortunate of love stories...
one where... we didn't allow ourselves
to have to mutually share: adult responsibilities
as to have to squander good conversation...
when the bills came a'rolling in at the end
of each moth...
i guess we allowed ourselves
the last idealism of love either of us
would be able to experience...

for a relationship where she proposed...
she chose the engagement ring...
and she herself decided to break it with me...
she would later... "i think i'm pregnant":
descartes: "i think i doubt" therefore "i am"?
the supposed contraceptive measures we took...
how many partners did she have
after we broke up? cuckoo or what?!
oh i remember the ones i had...
the ones i payed for...

               what's not cling to: loved-up and
still not having the sort of...
love with obligations:
love as... the most pristine failure...
that... children in love...
without the existential focus points to...
achieve the invitation of time... inclusively
of boy becomes man becomes father becomes
grandfather...
and not exclusively as: you and me...
i.e. me and her...
etc.
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2017
ty czyń mi co polak polaku... a nie ten skórwosić bólo-błąg łamania oczy-dam mattce i reszte pśym-ganagu! ty z zapomnienia by teś powiedzi łamane goobye: ja ci kurwa krewnym? ja ci kurwa krewnym?! spirdalaj tam gdzie cie mongoł łaskocze czołem wyrytym ambicją modłu wersją w dywan; lachu'hu'ju! albo to, albo kurwa: Wieden.... ja nie tobie krewny! o! patsy! polska slachta sie obudza! chyba cas na: sejmik... tak, pospolicie mówie... bez akcentu: po wiejsku! czy tam szwinsku! krew we mnie zastygła: płynie jeno rtęć... ja sam putin kiedy wabie polskie media poza exodus w anglii, na swojskim gnoju.*

słów wedle ognia ojca
na czyn ten
          zapomnieć
   wtargwienie...
                   skupą u dna..
bez dnia...
nie ty jeden ubity
         oddechu martwy i
      warty braku łzu:
                krokiem kruka:
nie tyś ostatni wichrem na tylko:
                   by zaznać gnatom łomonym,
a wtór! kałczugą łamany, to co:
śmierdzi opałem, i piwniccą!
bodaj jutro, i chybył: rodzaj zza
       kwestją powiat...
     bo to ci gniew: bogiem zgra
            rękąpis wątek bydła,
ku wnet liczidłem w słowo....
    nadać iskr: szumu mieniem wiatr,
martwa skorupa oddechu da,
co o myśl wątku wyda tchłu: wakacyjna gwardia
    czołem i kolanem w pacierz,
zbyt, nabity, i tym, wymuszony;
           skragi: ostatek.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2018
.nie dotykaj ich kobiet... mowie ci... nie dotykaj ich kobiet... to nie twoje, to wprost obcze, i tym bardziej owcze...jak sam, zobaczysz... nie tykaj ich kobiet!

ja nie jestem tu, w ramach potrzeb
ich kobiet, mowić słowo: nie!
ale... ich kobiet "potrzeby"
mnie naj mniej... interesują...
kiedyś... może... nie teraz...
ja, tu jestem...
  po tą kurwe swe znaczą
tytułem: językiem...
ja, jestem tu, po ich             zór!
pizdy w ramach gnoju jedno,
ale jedno nad wszysto..
ich. jęzór?

                          jeniec?
taki jeniec? jaki może być
sam język sam w sobie?
no to jaki, jeniec?!

    to...            to!
a tu...

        tu? tu... teraz hymn.
i to słynne... sto lat!
no, panowie?
co? co kurwa jest?
sto lat sto lat niech
Dąbrowski żyje nam!

            to jest moje: salve regina!
ślepy bładzi, ale ten co pyta?
tym ja, jam tym ślepym...

jam ślepy i tym samym,
jam co błądze...

         kiedy kusić trza...
  to nie tym zorem...
             ale tym, o ile sto lat
zapuźno... jam sobą...
przy twym tronie
tym ten sam.

jam mówie swą krew!
   i tą krew! swą jam: przemówie!
nawet do tych bez
kraju, i fałszywego Pana;

oczy jak iskry,
i mowa jak lustro...

   nawet do bzdet kraju,
i fałszywego Pana:

rój! i cholera nad resztą!

nawet... owszem, Panu,
ale kraju,
ale kraju...
co Panu nic wart.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2017
the english: they're peasants, but still deem themselves as speaking as: pheasants; they even dare to tickle the assurance of peacocks! **** me, shakespeares the whole lot of them? not with a geordie / cockney accent you ain't, you right ol' worth of bollocking worth of ****! that's the problem with english peasants, they all suddenly think they have the surname... Windsor! **** me, i've never met a bigger crap-eating-****-loading-people in my life! they don't even have the tenacity to be pedantic about their language being pristine: as long as it remain in slang... ah... all's fine matey! but the annoying bits of a people start to shine through... they're not the ******* ROY-AL inbreeding tact of a people deserving crown and carriage... plebs! i'm the same sort of peasant you are... but **** me, better check next time if you catch me playing on addressing airs!*

kraj, i te słowa,
i to tyle:
co ma znaczyć;
reszta?
  angola:
        blah blah,
i twoje badanie
gzymsu -
- czekać:
       by coś spadło.
bogini gniewu
nie zna słowa: przebacz;
mówi:
  przebacze kiedy:
zapomne;
węc? puki pamiętam,
ani nie kocham,
   ani nienawidze,
ani obliguje mnie zmuszenie
by wynagrodzić jedno
pierwszym: drugim,
czy też drugim: pierwszym
zwane to podobno "to samo".
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2016
kiedy wchodzisz między wrony,
musisz krakać tak jak ony.

(when you go amongst the crows,
you must croak like the crows).
Lucy Mohr May 2018
Nie wiem, jak się lepiej czuć
kiedy wszystko co mam ochotę to gówno

(Translation)
Title: Feel Better
Poem: I don't know how to feel better
if all i want is ****
This poem is written in Polish, the language of most of my ancestors. I don't speak it, i was just trying to be creative
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2017
ah, grand are the hours after taking the final shout-out to mr. ****, grand amusement entails, a wriggly *** waving dance around the house, and a deep breath, matched with a deep sigh, gone are the hours contemplating whether he's coming, or he isn't.

- you're bloated, you reek of alcohol.
- i know, i sometimes look in the mirror.
- your liver is giving up.
- i'm not bothered,
   i'm like a child with cancer,
   fearless:
   i prefer the death of youth,
  than the supposed wisdom of old age:
it's a roulette after all...
    the mind has the capacity
   to be like iron: turn to rust.

and that's how conversations go; i said to her:
lepie swój grób przedczasu -
lipie go, wiem, wiem że igram z ogniem,
a nie z ogryskiem jabłka...
to przecież wiem, i na tyle dobrze -
ale lepiej mi umrzeć, złożyć swe zwłoki
przedczasem -
  ale mieć w swym oku gwar
                            zainteresowania
              i zamknięty zegar podziwu...
gwar, phe! tonący statek nie danej obietnicy
   o chęć o jutro!
lepiej mi umrzeć przed swym czasem,
niż ten marny widok starości...
  jak to mówią, ci na tym marnym szczycie,
  na tym szczycie garbatych -
        z tym pięknym pokłonem przed
                                          ołtarzem czasu?
    ah... *starość nie radość
...
       wole przed czasem - za młodu -
aby tonąć w kwestiach podziwu na to
wszystko -
  niż w jakiejś poczekalni -
          bez ambicji na podziw,
                   bez aspiracji na coś po jutrze -
wole za wczasu niż w czasie -
               kiedy czas przestaje chodzić w koło,
czekający nademną - wisiący,
                                  jak gilotyna -
  i jeno myśł, że skowronek opuści młot
                         na huk:              kaput!
i pogna w lot ku kolejnego serca,
  ku kolejnego dnia, mówiący:
   ten, już swoje zrobił, dajcie nam następnego!
Debra Lea Ryan Jul 2024
Twój uśmiech
To wszystko, co widzę

Twój dotyk
To wszystko, co czuję

Nasza piosenka
To wszystko, co słyszę
Kiedy myślisz o Mnie

DLR
19/07/2024
☀♥ƸӜƷ✿♬
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2020
.before i am done with this escapade, i will try to stick travis' - walking down the hill on repeat for a while... to settle for the mantra... something that needs a repetition in the background, before the final collage... and before... what settles as dust from burnt old father oak and my body too... or perhaps... the inter-connectivity that's shared between ethnic minorities: the kashubians, the sorbians, the navajo, the dene suline, the inupiaq, zuni hopa and the dogrib... the Łacinka & Łatynka (belarusian and ukranian) respectively... Łacina: Latin... as it is known on the vicinity of the old capital of Cracow... simply from a shared letter... no more a hello than a plain disregard for twitter poetics... or instagram: captions... sometimes you just want a chicken drum-stick of words... and the bone and the cartilege and the heads filled with marrow... which is more... than some toothpick escapade... well... Winchester is so old for anyone to remember... and London is so nuanced that even Warsaw makes the count... but Cracow sits... humbled... when snow falls... there's the actual snow... and there's the mistaken snow of the ash from auschwitz.

once - when i was much younger - and my voice
was but a crude and feeble whimper -
nothing that could compare itself to a butterfly
in haiku - i would be found trying to forcibly imitate
anything immediately read -
what a naive misadventure upon every turn...
every poem became: as if an act borrowed from
Macbeth - quiet simply - a young man's jealousy...

i can only now gratify myself and the audience that...
i have matured beyond that hot-headedness... former...
now? i rather simply translate the work -
as i am sure that something will be lost -
however good the translation might be...
or the original text...
here's my first attempt...

zbigniew herbert - kaligula (1st attempt
and the last ettempt)

/
          while reading old chronicles, poems and biographies
Mr Cogito sometimes experiences feelings
of a physical presence of the people long ago dead


Caligula (is speaking / speaks):

from among all the citizens of Rome
i loved only one
Incitatus - a horse

when he walked into the senate
the unblemished toga of his fur
shone immaculately among that of
the cowardly murderers' sitched with purple

Incitatus was full of advantages
he never spoke
a stoic's nature
i think that at night in the stables he read
philosophers

i loved his so much that one day i decided
to crucify him
but his noble anatomy objected to this

he accepted the dignity of consul indifferently
he held authority the best
in that he didn't hold any authority

attempts to persuade him to have permanent
****** relations with my dear wife Caesonia failed
therefore a line of caesars - centaurs
was never created

which is why Rome fell

i decided to appoint him as a god
yet on the ninth day prior to the days of February
(chaerea) cornelius sabinus and other fools
obstructed the intentions of this godly work...

he accepted the news of my death peacefully

he was thrown out of the palace
and sentenced to exile

he endured this blow with dignity

he died without any hiers
slaughtered by a thick-skinned butcher from the vicinity
of Anzio

Taticus is silent
about the posthumous fate of his meat
                                                                ­               /

perhaps looking at the original -
would help... oh more surely...
but prior to the original...
i can see that certain peoples of asia...
who have a culinary superiority complex...
who hide behind a spice grenade...
have an aversion to cabbage...
and it's like that irish love potatoes
and the slavic people love cabbage joke...
don't mind me morphed into a pawn...
the persians abhored and still abhor spicy
food from bengali bush monkey regions
of the raj...
persians have a palette for sour foods...
can you imagine eating a hot-dog...
without choked onions, chillies...
sauerkraut and some sweet gherkins...
mustard and ketchup?
i can't... then again: a cow is more than just
milk... mother goat...
but there comes a time when you can...
appreciate the culinary superiority of the blue indians...
then a minute later call it: a kitchen of black cardamom
stink!
believe me... black cardamom stinks...

but a problem with sauerkraut is a problem
with persian tastes...
sour... sooner rather than later i'll see...
sauerkraut added as the german delight...
in an ottoman kebab wrap...
the sourness could cut through the fatty mustang
of the lamb... somehow...
because the pickled chillies are not enough...
and the raw spanish onions do very little...
the blue indians throw "beef" around
an appreciation of sauerkraut... i just give them
the one-liner: black cardamom and...
the ultimate dye... turmeric...
it will stain, anything... plastic, metal,
ceramics: oddly enough no... and glass...
spice barons, eh?  

the original... but it's not exactly the original...
since... i do borrow from"elsewhere":
sound distinction that exfoliate in the meaning...

after all... i did graffiti the original with
some cyrilic...
sz = š = ш = (sh)ape ≠ ś = sie- prefix: if śιe
cz = č = ч = (ch)urn ≠ ć = cie- prefix: if ćιe
ż (= rz) = ž = ж ≠ ź
(also noted in french: via je suis...
   oddly enough... it sounds like жe swée...
but looks like: je suis ce et cette)...
ń ≈ ñ
ch = x
nonetheless...
or more importantly...
c = ц ≠ c = s = ç...
an no... there's no translation
of a cedilla A(ą) nor a cedilla E(ę)...
a bit easier when it comes to...
ł = w
            but... w = v...
so ł(h)en... the surd hatch...
eyes closed: mouth agape!
no "v" given how the greek upsilon (υ)
was sharpened into (ν):
i always thought: cute acute ó = ω: tool...
while omicron was more grave (ò)...
and up! upsilon! the u was first acute
before it became the ω in the german
umlaut (ü)...

otherwise: there's mOre to what's
later a mOvie... the elongation of:
tool... the distinction: thus pronounced...
wants to be recognißed -
the s to z to s to z interchange within
the ß: es'zett... yes... the apostrophe is "somehow"
necessary...

if the hebrews have their vowels in niqabs...
we can have our...
exfoliation of consonants and vowels...
fully exposed... nonetheless included!
with: details of the frontier!
and in them: i mark my finger in the sand
and skull among the cavern,
the rocks the... ghostly whispers that
shadows should profoundly speak...
but never do...
my shadow my ghost...
my first avenue turned should i be thinking
about a Hiroshima selfie... shadow glued
to the ******* wall... move it: chess-***...
bullet to the head...
and then two weeks... trying to die...
in a prison cell...
with one nightmare overtaking the previous
nightmare... in how...
your brain will never be:
the eyes-connected to the sponge:
mr. chikatilo...
the sponge: sorry... nothing but shrapnel...
perhaps some eyes...
but your eyes are consistently closed...
let's not mind them...

and what's because, what?
finnegans' wake: no diacritical markers...
because, what? low on ink?
if low on ink... can't help you...
but if not enough paper?
¶ (pilcrow) all the paragraphs! sardine words
onto the page!

the god awful truth was that i smoked
marijuana in england...
and... the ******* is free! upon the pretence
that you don't own a brothel...
elsewhere: namely Amsterdam...
while in Amsterdam i had a thought:
what about ******* a siamese twin
in some vacant... Tehran nightmare come true?
gang-bangers are treated better than i...
in terms of "treatment":
the best they ever gave me...
was to be left: to my own devices...
when i should have been learning german...
they sent me to the window-licker class
of c.v. writers anonymous...
because: m'ah hanging-leash of in and leash
was a bad, spotty E... with a tail!
devil's spawn... or something that would
always come from the warsaw pact...
or... coming from one: under the iron curtain...
would show... and cover the current brood...
with a change of element...
from under the iron curtain...
then unto: under the silicon curtain..

i'm sure the people have chosen their chess
pieces prior to this: *******-ramming
of the anger itching from the cranium
of a castrated bull...

mash up... no interludes...
let's keep it staccato... and... fits the purpose of...
how best lodged into form...

                   because the iota and the j are...
let's face it... forced diacritical cage-masters...
i graffitied the original...
because... it became obsolate to simply
translate and become overtly pedantic
as to why: ****** grammar was not going
to fit anglo-slav grammar...
never mind the anglo-ßaß grammar: "native"...

/ чytając stare kroniki, poematy i жywoty Pan Cogito
doświadчa czasem učucia fizyчnej obeцności
osób dawno zmarłych
(tampering with a lox ness)

mówi Kaligula

spośród wszystkich obywateli Rzymu
kochałem tylko jednego
Inцitatusa - konia

kiedy wшedł do senatu
nieskazitelna toga jego sierści
l'śniła niepokalanie wśród obшytyx purpurą
tchórzliwych morderцów

Inцitatus był pełen zalet
nie przemawiał nigdy
natura stoiцka
myśłe ze noцą w stajni čytał filozofów

kochałem go tak bardzo жe pewnego dnia
postanowiłem go ukrzyzować
ale sprzeciwiała się temu jego szla(ch)etna anatomia

obojetnie p(rz)yjął godność konsula
wła(dz)e sprawował najlepiej
to znaczy nie sprawował jej w'cale

nie udało sie nakłonić go to trwałych związków miłosnych
z drogą жoną moją Caesonią
więц nie powstała niestety linia cesa(rz)y - centaurów

dłatego Rzym runął

postanoviwem mianować go bogiem
lecz (dz)iewiątego dnia p(rz)ed kalendami lutowymi
(Ch)erea Korneliusz Sabinus i inni gwupcy p(rz)eшko(dz)ili
tym zboжnym zamiarom

spokojnie przyjął wiadomość o mojej śmierci

wyrzucono go z pałacu i skazano na wygnanie

zniósł ten cios z godnością

umarł bezpotomnie
zaшla(ch)towany przez gruboskórnego rzeźnika
z miejscowości Ancjum жшчčšц

o pośmiertnych losach jego mięsa
milчy Taцyt       /

no... no Helmut will help you with: dość! enough!
some casanova Nikita might - with:
szczypta: pinch - via... ш + ч = щ: vague - i know...

ah! the calendar's days of february...

already i see that this poem is "unspectacular" -
everything what was supposed to be lost
in translation is, lost -
the jealousy fizzles out and it's plain
as a shadow at noon on a sunny day
that it was never inteded to be there - to begin
with...

perhaps it's not the direct translation -
but how certain words just: sound more appealing -
and add toward the grandiosity...

i don't see how a poem can be translated
without something being lost...
after all: i want to lose: rather retain something
in / from a poem...
i want language to... freely...
"inter-racialiße" itself:
modus operandi - the lingua franca...
the l'ingelese of the modern chapter...
as the greeks would point out:
if the english tourists will not speak our tongue...
if the english tourists will not speak our tongue...
then we will speak their tongue...
and speak it was belgian speak it...
which is, better, than these nativistic half-breeds
of: 3/4 empire pride riddled...
1/4 rotherham bewildered...
we will not out-breed them...
we will: simply talk over them...
and their accents...
which we will learn and thereby:
insinuate over: via diacritical markers
and exceptional surd status reminders
of the raj: H...

i will claim that poetry is where i "paint"...
**** it. collage...
rude importune and most obscene...
a thesaurus cascade of synonyms!
impromptu one off...
it's not a hosonnah in the highest...
but a sitar in the bellowing detphs of the ebb...
it's a growling escapade...
something that ****** a yeti from
the carpathian mountains...
something that would require otherwise
to give it shackles, chains and a non-existent
lunatic asylum!

why dooes picking up... an alive cat...
make you succumb to an affair less...
bothersome... when you are indeed picking up /
handling a dead cat?
don't know...
a quasi-symbiotic affair between
matter and anti-matter?
borrowed terms.... outside of physics's disneyland
pretty irrelevant...
a corpse of a dead cat is always more
heavy than... the animated corpus of
a cat still outside the schrödinger
brackets:    cat[                            ];
what'­s death then? a colon, a semi-colon;
a hyphen or an apostrophe?
notably? an apostrophe without having
to be inclined to be used in a:
possessive article 's "scandal"?

i will escape with this language: i learned,
i acquired... i will leave the natives with
nothing but leather for skin:
that i will mark as an armchair...
i will entertain no more than
a genghis khan would have...
when the tanks started rolling...
and the luftwaffe was extinguished...
because... an invasion of an island...
no tanks, no bullets, no bombs...
diacritical markers... instead...

these letters are still: ROME!
came late to the party... had the vaguest notion
of coming late: but also becoming
the d.j.!

old mother: Cyrylica...
will and always helped...
the "natives"...
understand the reins and you can surely
translate... all the old paintings
with: we rode bulls into battle...
we didn't ride horses...
what does an army that that rides bulls
have as compensation compared
to an army that rides horses into battle?
well... a lance with a sharp point is...
replaced with the horns...
and a vector signature of red tied
to the end of a stick...
the horns replace the lance... the end...

somehow: and as the polytheistic gods
came as surprise material in:
goat-******* and bull-******* and swan-fiddling...
the monotheistic god came as...
the lowest of men...
because:
     Δ and... ∇: when nabla met delta:
the son of david was born:
which was called by surname: astar...
david astar...
       the phenomenon of...
when the father would become jealous
of the son: solomon...
or... rather... the son would never look up
toward the archetype of father...
because the father has his psalms...
while the son had the harem sonnets
of... sparrow-hoarding ****** of the onomatopoeia...

teach? teach? i am this close to...
correcting what has already been written...
however impossible...
claustrophobia and james joyce esque...

why not ж = rz...
and... ž = ż...                  half a caron: źrenica:
pupilla...
a back catalogue of a bilingual bank of vocab
is: the reason i "solve" and "crosswords"
on a blank canvas... like so...

and how do you think i learned a little bit
of greek: if... ovερλaππινγ?

remaining examples where: ц wasn't used...
well... the diacritical marker hovering above iota
like a halo: should it be used?
in a ciasto (dough) example...
well... debate: ćιasto... or ciasto?
in the confines of ciasto: the "c" is not a ц...
because of the proximity of the iota
as "suffix"... but not as a "prefix"...

    цerkiev... цytat... цытaт: citation...
sigh: tate modern is 20 years old...
but 20 years old will not be...
commemorated with the glass ceiling and:
Olafur Eliasson's 'the weather project' -
which is a great shame -
but who am i to judge?
let it be 'maman' by louise bourgeoise...

the same goes with the acute s...
even... imploring: prosić -
  otherwise... imploring: prośιć...

                   siano vs. śιano: hay
                   śnieg... snow...

i've been advocating the necessary guillotιne
for the iota... and the ȷazzy shιt ιn between...

and so much of my life could be deemed
simple... but how i can complicate it with a scrutiny
of language...
the best escape plan i can find -
and this is language: outside the realm of
academic rubrics - that it might borrow from
an international phonetic alphabet
of the linguistic dept. it will not...

it will consolidate two languages: dig two trenches...
and then borrow a third language or a fourth
to dig a tunnel or two between the two trenches...

well that's that for sharpening an arrow
and shoving it up cupid's ***...
to make him walk back smothered by knuckles
and recount to his parents:
Eros and Aphrodite... some of us would much
prefer uninterrupted work /
sifting through archaic words...
and leaving: the currency of vogue be:
something that only attracts:
panic is worse than fascism...
panic disorientates large crowds...
which... fascism is... unlikely to do...
so says the universal mantra of cheese grating:
smiles.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2017
because you can't tell me that any foreigner will be able to rekindle the civility of a syrian butcher for a syrian cab driver, or a syrian plumber have a rekindled civility for a syrian school teacher, no, no, no! i said it once and i'll say it again: there are heresies of war, no foreigner can engage in rekindling a civility among an implosive war of opposite parties... this isn't an explosive war... whatever is done unto syria by external intervention is a a cardinal heresy of war; i merely wonder: what is the islamic concept of civil war... after all, it seems that there isn't one... there is no "jihad" in terms of civil war... shame, i'd love to hear some islamic scholar define anti-jihad, i.e. a civil war... after all, this isn't a schismatic war of sunni vs. shia... maybe i'm just exploding with dumbness, but what would the apostle answer with, given that there's a very peculiar hadith about the return of isa, in no place, other than in Damascus... hell, seems we don't hear much about this historical "authenticity" - because isn't it just, the currency of current events? peace bringer my ***.

take any western commentary about the left,
sway sway, my darling, sway proud,
hammer and scythe -
              just today i was watching a movie
about the first american communist -
john reed, my mother started singing
the words of an old communist song...
   word for word...
                        you see, my grandfather was
a communist party member,
a comrade, he even did civic duties,
i.e. in court, on a jury...
                      and this is what i do not understand,
cultural what?
             ****** there was no cultural
whatever there is to talk about back then!
               communism was communism -
an economic model,
which was perfect in a country ravaged by war...
everyone lost something,
   a plateau had to be established...
             we all move from point a,
  sure, some of us will get to point b,
  but others will get to point c,
       but we start off at a baseline -
we build from point a, and if you get to
point d, well, all the better for you.
         the left in terms of western politics
makes absolutely no sense to me...
                       mostly the cultural aspect of
debate...
                      does this old communist say
unreasonable things?
  hardly... although i love the memory he
has kept intact for me to pass with regards
to his experience of the second world war...
  the SS-menschen -
       black clad ******* burning -
  and his words,
herrbittebonbon...
so these SS-men became herr bittebonbon -
and then of course there's the ragged SS-men
running from the soviets,
  teenagers who slept in barns with
              the animals.
****, not a bad inheritance, right?
     there was no cultural appropriation
of Marxism - and behind the iron curtain
there was another curtain, where culture
actually thrived, and wasn't suppressed -
     just because iron maiden came to katowice
while the solidarity movement was
   happening...
and where's **** wonky-vąs?
             in hawaiian shorts, in florida!
among the other heroes who did the one
heroic act they were capable of:
    spreading pamphlets.
                 is there a defence?
      from a country that once was under
communism,
    there was a free culture,
   the band *breakout
-
song? kiedy byłem małym chłopcem...
   ****'s all about white-*******
in the hood sitting on a porch outside some
shack next to the vistula.
   and what about that film -
**** misja (*** mission) -
  starring the great jerzy stuhr -
kobieta mie bije!
  a film with more one-liners more
punchlines than any in the history
of cinematography, i swear to god.
  at least from my experience,
Marxism never evolved to be cultivated in
some form of culture...
                   it was plain and simple:
mind you, the only thing that can save or
rather regenerate Syria is a study of
post-war Poland...
     because, frankly,
           the Mongolian model where
communism was first tested on a national
scale, i know too little about.
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2018
a reiteration of the roman magnum opus of conduct: when in rome, act like the romans... when you walk among the crows: croak like the crows... or when in the vicinity no one laughs? laugh into the night, howl, gag, beg; if there's no one laughing in the night... only today in the night i giggled silly, tickling my belly, imagining myself a pregnant body... seems the closet a man will be to a woman with a shared experience of similis, is by ingesting a tape-worm embryo.

did i spend the past night cackling,
drowning in laughter,
supervisor of the onomatopoeia?
                 yep...
did i smoke a cigarette,
   subsequently spat into my hand
and put the cigarette out?
   yep: that was also me...
          did i wake to a perfect english
sky mid-afternoon and spotted
regurgitation on the roof just outside
my window? i did indeed...
but do you remember what
conjured the regurgitation?
        putting out a cigarette on the hand,
smearing and then licking the ash...
did i regurgitate because
i drank "too much"?
    hardly...
                     i just told you about
spitting on my hand, putting out
a cigarette on it,
                      smearing tobacco ash
all over the hand, and then licking it.
  *kiedy wchodzisz między wrony,
   musisz krakać tak jak one.

         pospolite maximum: proverb.
i'll clean the sick during the night
off the roof...
         but it wasn't licking the ash
that bothered my bowels...
more equivalent to a grain of sand...
              as one man said, once upon
a time:
                  being allowed to be an animal
unshackles one from having
to be a man...
                  tailoring and ****.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2017
and among these, the symmachean forgeries, the vita beati silvestri, could be weaved into this verse, this importune moments, these spontaneous verses, these informal sweeping of the brooms, inside the labyrinth by the minotaur of memory: and too - the scarce words of jack spicer: that poetry alone can love poetry that poems cry out to each other from a great distance, that poets, being ******* fathers, love each other like ******* fathers when they see their children playing together.

and so that brings us up to date, namely today,
bound to a few minutes reading a saturday
newspaper supplement -
topic, hot topic? *rethinking infidelity 'what
our affairs did to our relationships
-
it's almost a sad affair -
        reading all this harlequin ******* -
bookish men, finding the "lost me",
finding the "new me" -
the lies and deceptions being worse than
the deeds, lust the liar, love hardly
a cherished concept...
   bookish men, eh?
you mean bookish in terms of marquis
de sade, william burroughs et al.
or bookish in terms of voyage of the beagle
by charles darwin, or the short history
of time: bestseller, with a readership of 10!
eh? which kind?
         while this went on i just had an
affair with my younger self -
  while listening to deep purple's
child in time i got to think: what was that
year? what was that year and that song?
i swear to god it must have been MMIV
when i spent st. sylvester's (new year's eve
in poland - called by the saint's feast
day: sylwester) in poznań / posen -
at the street party, then at the feast,
where i bought a bottle of vanilla absolut
***** -
             and was cow licked by a woman
rather than kissed: yeah!
she licked my face, i wanted a pucker
and the lips folding-unfolding -
and what the **** did she do? she licked my face!
what was i, a vanilla icecream?!
what a beau of a city -
                   and the street party -
and how we all were overjoyed that
the dinosaur band perfekt played that
famous song, which we took the **** out of
going even further back than 2004 -
miałem dziesięć lat, kiedy pierdolnął
we mnie wiatr
-
it's a shame i only remember the first line
and how there was also the mosquito
funeral joke to add to the joy of
having friends from the neighbourhood,
rather than from school...
and they complain about the communist
apartments, where children still managed
to mingle as neighbours,
played with marbles, took to the swings,
played hide & seek in warm summer
night...
       kicked each other in the *** trying
to play tag...
      while the girls took to tic tac toe using
chalk to pretend to be amputee
kangaroo hoppers -
          and would you believe it:
memories of childhood in poland are my
smaug treasure hoard -
my sanity...
                  and i remember our first
offence, with paweł & łukasz -
we drank our first cup of coffee -
      a.d.h.d. because too much sugar?
    we started it all with a cup of coffee:
the first sip was the one that escapes recollection
with the current taste of coffee.
the song we took the **** out of?
   perfekt's song autobiografia...
wait wait, where was i? this is was back
in the 1990s... we're talking MMIV...
       and comparing the thrills of infidelity -
what was that song?
  i first had to remember what year i spent
st. sylvester's feast day in posen that year...
i might just turn rose cheek citing this song...
oh yeah, i found it...
through the ultra-unpopular nonetheless
still popular (among non-music collectors)
radio station rmf.fm:
      and i found it...
  jeden osiem L's song jak zapomnieć:
1 8 L, how to forget (in translation)...
some songs have that haunted house effect,
it's a living history left intact not
by memory, but by nostalgia -
    to be assured - nostalgia overcomes
memory, given that memory is already drained
and robbed by schooling children -
to remember the 1 x 12 through to 12 x 12
tables, or the alphabet...
education erodes memory, and we're only
left with nostalgia,
like that nostalgia of the song
Весна by Дельфин, upon take off from
the st. petersburg airport...
   and then croching (english slang term
for wasting time, slouching, etymological
mutation of crouching) at the warsaw airport
with bulgakov's master & margarita.
better off jerking off than jerking chilli and
star anise into the other's heart...
but it's sad reading these 50+ / 60 year olds
behaving like amore idealists -
ginsberg once noted: not even the madman's
love is perfect;
        i'll add to that:
  a bite of lime, simply can't ruin a ***** & pepsi.
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2018
upper tier of crosswords,
mental rubric,

      s                        a

         t             h            e
    
      r            t     

                      d             e
      
  
       shattered: quasi germanica

lexicon...

                  atom...

warm ***** and the chilled chaser...
or no chaser, hence
***** chilled to the consistency
of gome syrop...
liquidated clear liquorice...

Pazura (actor)
     und Warszawa (a capital
of a European nation...

      dziw... bo bez sfobody,
między... to eN...

ha ha ha ha...

e e Cummings conjuring
up the cOncEPt of orthography
in the native readers...
without exploring diacritical
mark application,
which, orthography rests upon...

    co ma gzyms do
       krawędzi
kiedy pietruszka
        o, zajob...
i ta świcąca trójci Pitta...
nie brody warta,
tylko tego, bolka jolka...
greckiego, fagasa...
    
a piernik do wiatraka?
ujebany, Sergio Pansa...

...to guwno, tzn. prl'u:
co czyni papa new guinea
pierdolonym 'omikiem?

suka morda brud...

    te kurwa... z... kreską!

bilingualist contra the polyglot,
UN of the latter,  
trenches and no man's land
of the former...

       6 Napoleons made
a dozen private Ryans...
      at Jena...
  'alf  frisky Burgundian...
'alf celibate Schwabian...

crosswords and the thesaurus
avenue...
   poetry...
    and the robert frost analogy...
Dante and Virgil...
Homer's solo
with a blind man' stick,
or rather...
Homer and Milton...
sitting in a tree...

      either a tongue bound
to the breath of Horace...
or the leash
      and warden skit...
     of the Minotaur...

somehow...
etymology always was,
and always will be,
the pedantic, bookish
version of history...

      so much so,
that etymology bypasses
the ridiculousness of
Darwinsm, of form, of Plato...

aeons pass before ape
differentiates
the vowel from the consonant
or the onomatopoeia
from the mimic from
the noun...

            then comes the continuum
crushing all genesis
theists, as well as all genesis
atheists...
      love, love... and you typical
Sunday afternoon...
        
slang as an anti-etymology...
           likewise the ape...
ape being slang, for man...
   slang as noun as colloquial,
rather than as proverbial..
staccato...
                  and all sort of
mannerismsms of the,
"less informed"...
  
                            only England scorns
bilingualism it would seem...
unless it has no post-colonial
uncle toms to boast of...

P.T.S.D. of the 1946 Kielce Pogrom...
ever so shocking,  
unlike the biblical credo:
go forth and multiply...
      in any other instances,
less memorable, collateral...
guess not enough cousin fucky-fucky...
1 Chew worth 1000 Chings...
      if not more...
Chew has a name, Ching has a number...
like the good ol' days...
bribing the ß-mann (eszettmann)
for Milka bishop choc bars.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2017
a ja, pójde w las,
a z lasu,
przyniose
szumisty wiatr:
ten
gniewny
       głos narodu.

obudze muchomory
by natyle
trucizny było dostępnę,
obudze serca
gniewu aby
wygryzły sie z trumn
kamienia, kiedy
brat był przeciw bratu...

a ja pójde, w las,
a z lasu:
      przyjdzie mój głos -
przemieniony
             w ryk dzika,
otchlań głodu wilka -
    szczek tego:
         co niby domowe
i miłe:
      ten wasz pospolity
psiór ze wścieklizną!
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2024
od kurwa kiedy
to nie czeshka republishka
a tylko czeschka?!
o ku ci ci ci **** nie tylko
w glovie ale
tez tex w mordzi i na glowie:
i to nie russsia tylko
nowo indjanyaka... o pizzz
bo to bloto o dzi dzi ji ji jinna
czary mary prawda
spod mnimca
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2018
a niech še Mickiewicz
tę Litczonke pochówawszy...
poszle'ji prosto po Greka,
j'baniem po tsara Cyrola!
psi tryp!
gawari to samo so pies
o ogon koło bada!
morda zorem kulą,
morda zorem na szczyt
cerkfi kieła gryz szarpana.
       a tu mi grzyw,
a tu mi łokieć,
a tu po chłopsku
kiedy zdziw jako:
       PIN'jebanamać'gwint!
sto kurva razy tego fryz
litanii 'wina sie pytoł:
zachooooood, ci tyьбıe wschód?
no ta(h) zegnój ci to teraz
do świcki!
                         popierdolone rho
cyrku i romā(h)...
pomiatajrzy Mickiem po
cha cha cha lit... win... skim...
Co,  Pani nie pod pisze wyroku sądu
nad nad, tym wyrzszy, tzn. po-wia-to-wy?
Litwin udaje panicza,
   'krainiec stara: boze dopomuz
stać po pijaku... nad... świnią!
Litwa i mazowsze niech i tam,
co i tam... pochybel, sicz,
     cień, i zmartwychstań, wola...
niech no ciota skryje bliny...
jam człek... cytaty cy niet cytaty...
ale wbrew romansidła...
       krew sieje gniew...
a gniewaj nad lublu czy tesz
lulu...
             od dziwki smak rumieńca,
jako kosak wart wiatri i cienia...
niech ten panicz Mickiewicz spierdala
do Wilna, do licheń lacha
smarkatka...
          my to Ukroj i Wina...
       chleb z pod Kijowa...
      a krew z murów zwanym Vavel...
litfa to kiedys byla...
    smarkatka dworzan...
     ni tu, ni teruz...
masz ci my dyszli...
   zbroje 'glika: anną zwysz...
          ci dam znów: KUNDLA
ZOREM O TYCZ'KE I ZBIÓR!
              co boze sam ni d'oh...
człek tym warty o ******>    razy pierw to gnać, co boźy
rozum pierw szarpnie cienia...
honestly, the crown's romance
with Lithuania is long gone and stale...
I will die, not having seen L'viv...
and all the happier my lack
of dreams will be,
           as of now, unto death...
    Mickiewicz had his romance
with Lithuania,
   i, at least, can appreciate,
Ukrainian beer...
               no fun having staged
the European championship with
Poland... so no wonder the annexed
Crimea...
           thank god I never actually
managed to breed with English women,
even recreationally...
    given the current: and what if
Pontius Pilate ate vindaloo
for breakfast? search me,
  you either ask Jack or Sherlock.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2017
A huj ci w dupe tym hujem sądzącym na oklask... co, ja twą matke harmonijką zabiłem? Na "porozumienie", kiedy wracam do kraju na czas świni-ęta, to rzygam, i staram o oskar, albo pytam: zuzel, mini, hwasty, **** mini eseja... ja downo ni pol, ja pseudo udo.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2021
space = time

oh but this is not a serious equation...
it's a summary of the following worded expanses...
it's just to say:
there's as much of time as there is of space...
perhaps there's more time than
there is space...
after all... the multiplier of time
within the reference to:
all those involved in the Spanish Inquisition...
with that varying detail of:
what it must have felt like:
not burning at the stake...

  space = time...

       ス  ペー ス
                      ジ カ ン (時)
funny how google works...
i copy that into the search: 23:56 when this
ideogram was searched for...
so i don't need the other emoji-romaji gimmick...
       supeesu "デス" jikan

it is and it isn't...
last time i heard: subjectivity was given
an anathema by... the cosmopolitan... liberal crowd...
hard pressed by "science":
so hard pressed that the social sciences
overtook the sort of science i studied:
chemistry left to the shadows
and a list of additives on a shampoo bottle...

(i guess i'm a bigger fan of katakana than
i am of hiragana...
but... saying that... i'm a far bigger admirer
of Korean Hangul...
oddly enough they rid themselves
of any Chinese influence...

it's not about money... it never is...
it's bad taste to talk about money
among the English...
what's that saying:

kiedy wchodzisz między wrony...
musisz krakać tak jak ony...

wenn du betrittst zwischen krähen
du musst krächzen so wie sie...

point: if it's a SHARP-S...
it's an acute S... in german that's a crown: Š:
for the letters SCH...
but it's hardly "half-crown" Ś
therefore... what's SS... HEß!!

refurbishment: toe towed for a quarter
of an inkling...

it's not like i've lived among Anglo-Swabians
all this time... oh the Saxons: a lively bunch...
they went east, they went west...
they founded the empire upon which
the sun never set... they were so un-German
in the federal bracket of: we: the Germans...
i find it impossible living among "my own":
people...

the Wends... the Western Slavs...
at a distance... i just abhor the continued narrative
teasing the Russians...
not like the Russians are somehow saviours...
although socialism did work...
socialism as an economic policy for:
rebuilding nations... part-time...
not the long run... just so the natives
can rebuild... before... natural preservation
instincts of self-above-the-rest... kick in...
before your fellow man
starts peering into your bowl of soup...
before foreign investors come...
it can work is has worked...
i'd prescribe Slavic socialism
to Iraq: i rack 'em raw...
i would prescribe Slavic socialism to Syria...
who's going to be a capitalist
in those countries: without foreign influence?
oh... give me a while:
the supposed grand capitalists of you-tube?
capitalists... selling...
fan t-shirts / mugs?
thank god i'm not selling t-shirts or mugs...

only as a transition period...
not sustainable...
i'm not daydreaming... in truly exclusive circumstances...
Communism rebuilt the ravaged landscape of
post-world-war-II eastern Europe:
it's not like money was pumped into the region...
the wild west began in the 1990s...
but prior to that?
no foreign investment...
prior to that: metallurgy was still pervasive
in Europe... until the cheaper hint of
what was to come from Cha-Cha-Cha-Land...
of: moon-lit... CHINS and CHINKS...
Cha-Cha-Cha! now dance... *******... dance!

oh i'm not about to abandon the Ango-Saxons...
i'm already identifying as an Anglo-Slav...
collectively concerning: not concerning...
well.. the whole collective...
Croat... Serb... Slovenian... Slovak... Czech...
Ukrainian... oh look... the Bulgarians write
in Cyrillic - reinvented Glagolitic that's cheap
looking Greek... ****** looking:
can you imagine writing Cyrillic with a tease
of italics? i can't... if i can't: no one else can...
the neighbours of the Germanic people...

it's not that i have ADHD or something...
but i've tried watching an "old" movie not so long
ago... the Fisher King: starring the late
Robin Williams... it took me... three sittings...
to watch it... i forgot the popcorn...
it's not that i have a short attention span...
but as i've aged: and i've aged to the point
of clarity whereby i don't remember my 20s...
resurfacing mid 30s...
i rather drink... and watch the clouds...
or the wind caress the eucalyptus tree
at the end of my garden...
i can lose myself for an hour, two hours...
at a stretch... focusing on this...
trivial of all trivial of pursuits:
i stopped wondering why cats enjoy sleeping
so much...
i harbour enough lost pursuits
in... BLANKING OUT:
not thinking... by not thinking i eat up time...
i become meshed with space:
i occupy... space somehow occupies me:
i have so little time to stress...

oh i still come across the sort of people
that treat life as a playground...
just today a tender looking man
was walking with a mythological blonde
of a beached whale proportion sort of...
sort of a woman... the traffic light read red:
****** front-brakes... itching... squeaking...
i was asked the same question
i asked the anaesthetician when i was:
gorilla-tested for: lights out...
when having had my wisdom teeth pulled out:
quo vadis... where are you going?
i stopped a while...
i didn't want to lie... i wasn't going to lie...
i pretended to not look at my forehead:
clearly: an impossible feat...
oh... you know... round... and round...
he replied... i like you... and as he walked off
to my back's demand: shadows: align!
i just heard the words...
i love it... he's beefing himself up while
i'm getting ******...
clarity: it's not disgrace rekindling the lost
inhibition of ******* your underwear...

looking for the cursor: still looking...
ah... hey presto! here the little flicker of a ******
supposedly hides... "hides"...

i can't just abandon these Saxons...
it's not like i'm terrible important...
but i woke up with a thought:
if all that's required me: to imply work...
is me... occupying... merely occupying
a designated... space... and time...
the prostitutes come in an £2.00 per minute...
at £120 per hour...
if i were to salvage an ease up
with a holiday... coming up to
£2000 for two weeks' worth
on: well... Jamaica is hardly Nigeria...
is it?

i'd still prefer the cinema of thought
and: ANTI-COGNITION
while all my eyes can cradle is:
the wind caressing an eucalyptus tree...
so... be... it!

the clarity of syllables...
missing in English since:
Fwench was their Hastings bedfellow...
i only find the ****** distinction
somehow: adjective: insert... profound...
the English variation is....
limited to a *******...
hoolahoop.  

to hell with owning a car....
and bypassing my chances of felattio,...
i wouldn't touch the natives girls...
even if the Pakistani brigade were at it...
proper... surrounding Yorkshire...

it has become ugly... i tend to cycle past the people
who have orientated themselves
with the proper rations of thirst...
with...
if only a man wrote the whole Frankenstein story...
while a woman wrote the whole
of the myth of Sisyphus...

work: occupying a sanctity of space...
and time as leftovers... capricious... mono-....
self-serviung...
all the wisdom in the palm of your hand...
Buddha-Solomon... harem "quiz!"...

if it's not about money:
a viking on an viking... road-bike...
i was once conflated with Danish origins..
make me, into, "something" resembling
the Faroe Isles....
do i look like anything resembling
Viking: where's... the ******* fire?!
you... knock on the door...
you ring the dor-bell: you need an added:
to: too? dor! ****'s sake...

do-ah-ur... dor... door w'at:?!

it's only a viking road-bicycle,...
contra a trek marlin 5...
the former comes in at £125.... the sinner...
the latter comes in at...
£500...
the cheaper one runs on fancy
rub-ups-rub-downs...
the latter is renowned for: flat tires...

perhaps i yawn.. i sneeze...
perhaps.. the world has its affairs...
perhaps the world simply:
***** off..
thank you... yoyo...
no thank you: please don't come back!
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2019
less ****,
and more
a fetish for the german tongue...

krächzen zwischen krähen...

i seem to purposively
delete "over"-worded
poetics

of an ambitious narrative...
****!
gone... the end...

but this is a ******
proverb:

  krächzen zwischen krähen

croak among the crows...
i.e.
speak their tongue...

   i don't have the sort
of money a Russian would
enjoy,
i was "told" to... mingle...

das gleiche...

but there's still
the element of ****...
hand more like
****...
            **** more like:
a ******* easy take
on a squeezed saxophone
and...

   symphony...

being the immigrant
i always forget:
what do these zookeepers
want of me,
to allow the: believable me,
in terms of imitating
behaviour?

so why did these natives...
take away
the metallurgy culture
of my burden of birth?
blame game who's who?

i am this: |    | close
to suggesting the wording
of a wilderness,
and animal...

here...
yout tongue, ingested...
my tongue gone,
gone, gone...
oh... right...
not replica of the same
assortment
of ontological curiosities?!

speak your tongue:
i can...
but behave like you?
not a chance
in the most self-evident
onslaught
of a coming hell.

i can speak this tongue:
but behave like
you do in your export
form-variant
on the ***** holiday
away in Croatia?

so here... the so-called
spoken variant of
the universal spreschen...
but then the particulars...
shrapnel of:
what glorifies accents...
Welsh, Pict, goat...
but seems to avoid
"knowledge" of applying
diacritical markers...

i too, am late to the wordings...
i too, just, assumed...
   how one is to hide a
H from a sharp object...
within the confines
of šarp...
                              no object?

but easily: hush...
und: ha ha ha ha... aah...
      believe me,
being an immigrant,
i do not have the same facets
of other immigrants,
who... can march proud
into foreign territory...

i am using a language
i should not have an understanding of...
i deem the term
immigrant in the same
light of...
            yes... the natives...
i'm more about
the IQ of the natives
than a trans-IQ stature
ascribed to Africans...

          cushion,
spider,
                 web...
a handshake...
or what is...
   Irish immigrants in
the outer-east-London...
  me?
  i'm a farmer-land outlet...
i script my life along:
foxes and owls...
like some
          wordsworth fan-boy...

weird ******* scenario...
i don't know what to do
with it, exactly...

fiddly like an itch
or a: get given
                 rubik's cube...
or...
a heart for every
sylvia plath poem...
  and... whatever implies
sanity these days...

croak among crows...
kiedy wchodisz między
wrony, musisz krakać,
tak jak one
;

and yes...
whenever i go back "home"...
to visit my grandparents...
i am precisely
back, in a place that
resembles: a place of no
origin...

       just like "i'm back"
resembles a "home"...
i short-circuit
and think of all those
lovely people with
a past and a future
where...
   tourism is their only
source
of fathoming migration...

and... like any migrant...
i am not teased
by having to succumb
to tourism...

       i doubly anchor
myself
into the experienced
contradiction
and watch...
it is said in a tongue
i can understand,
but i'm not here
to play the nuance
game...

         i am... simply...
bored of having
to regurgitate
the script...
      like there's some "grand"
scrutiny of
me being:
the constituting
remains
for having to invest...
in...
the ronin idea of:
society...

society told me to ****
off around 10 years ago
for smoking marijuana...
being suspect
for... a deed of doing
no wrong...
   well?
       now society can
**** itself...
and... i don't even have
the energy to laugh
about it.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2018
there's actually
                             a concept of money,
hindering the affair
of two naked bodies entrenched
in prostitution?
   like i buy a hammer and
pretend it's
      a ******* *****-driver?
or did i miss the point
                      that genitals are
beside the point?
                  hell, not many can
claim to have
snogged prostitutes and listened to
them talking about their children...
    i didn't expect that either...
     a "slave" having
her feet kissed by that odd-e-eating
connatation of a slav...
  germanic just shy of germs,
                 no?
sometimes you start
to build up this...
ratty-wanting-to-nibble-at-something
itch...
   teeth get all itchy...
there is never a concern for
relief...
        ****'s sake:
    even teutonic monks
   of marienburg frequented
a public house...
                      the sort of: "relief"
inclusive of ***** and latex
    usage?
            too drunk to play the sober
cardinal...
              sorry, there are rules,
and married men and men who only
dated over cheap coffee
don't know the necessary toying
with a leash of a sleeping
monster when
               ... having that hour
        of bypassing social constraints...
talk **** all they want,
but if they never
     became lost in an hour with
               paying for the least?
          kissing is the new oral ***,
  apparently, from where i'm sitting...
oh don't worry,
    she'll be more
comfortable spending the 110 quid
i gave her than i would fathom
   in continuing a collection of books...
but men who've never
been...
            can speak **** all
  for the next drunken sailor feeling
no need to make a concern for:
    the practices of anchoring in Amsterdam...
  it's a relationship without
   an exact explanation:
   since there is no heartly investment...
but...
  apart from the odd handshake...
   it's nice to lie ****-naked next to someone
      and listen to prokofiev;
                       i still prefer händel though,
               it's like an úber fetish...  
church-bells ringing at midnight
                                     sort of: tickly...
      now, dating?
   unfathomable territory...
                did that once, speed dating
at university...
      taking a **** somehow compensates
for extracting more pleasure from
   such experiences to later
         compensate with comparison...
                           or vacuuming drunk...
short-cuts...
                              or at least
                          a tin-can for a heart...
because there's
   a morality for not paying for
               whiskey in a supermarket?
            so what's the "moral" conundrum
   of not ******?
           i'm too shallow
   and stopped liking the hide-and-seek
         game of maturity to mind
   what us, rats, feed on.
             last time i checked:
               poles are equivalent to rats,
****-****-*******...
                                     nibble: fist...
since it's hardly going to be
identity politics:
           kiedy kurwa przemawiam, tym:
                          co, żre!
romanian *****?
   as provided by the turks?
                                quiet a luxury...
i'm pretty sure the spanish
italian / greek fantasy has
                      these girls covered;
well, what?
                not anything akin to oops?
- you should find her out
though...
   the one i lost my virginity to...
    isabelle...
             third year psychology
exchange student...
                           from grenoble...
         dry pit...
                                     afterwards...
got tired of sign language
    imitating deaf
   and angel with my replica of ****.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2021
it must have been on the same day, i was commuting to a job way out north west, Hendon, doing some roofing on a housing project... in the morning i bumped into a nurse... we started chatting... but since we were chatting on a moving train: i had to excuse myself when looking at her mouth... so i told her: don't mind me... i'm lip reading... well... an encounter like any cosmopolitan encounter... i yawn at the prospect of climbing Mt. Everest... at sailing solo across the world... this is plenty! on the way back from the job i was still into my marquis de sade... opposite me on the tube 4 girls... they were girls... it's a shame they weren't wearing school-uniforms... all in giggles and peacocks of pretending to be shy... years prior to the emergence of fifty shades... Juliette... i can't remember which edition... obviously a semi-pornographic detail on the cover... some ****... the girls giggled... and i was wondering: you know what i'm reading? i'm taming the beast... i've just read something on the lines: & he ****** on her while setting her alight... all that's missing is skinning the poor *****... i most enjoy knowing i have the potential to do the utmost... destruction... all the while... i think i have more pleasure in containing this... ahem... "asset"... i truly do... i like the masquerade of civilization i can pretend... i'm almost three-quarters an actor most of the time... of course i know: if pressured the animal will come to the fore... and the cage will loose all its metaphysical diamonds... i can: i won't... but i can... become a rancid creature... i like knowing i can... but otherwise willing myself to no be...

i never understood the concept of "social drinking"...
come to think of it...
if the conversation was good:
i'd drink less and get drunk off the conversation...
but that... it's somehow necessary
to drink with someone?!
is it necessary to do "things" together...
esp. drinking...
there's even a song i'll mention about:
zusammen: to, together... i guess it's a:
towards togetherness, that word:
zusammen... it's like a bulging mushroom
on my cranium that squirts out psychedelic juices
to make this monkey invent windmills...
and trains!
oh it's a Dutch folk band from the 1970s...
you can pick up the Dutch accent singing
German lyrics...
it's that... abhorrent Dutch lisp...
i was never a fan of the Dutch accent...
  glut... no... wait... glottal<ʔ>
i don't even think it's that noun...
they (the Dutch) sound like they smiling
while ******* the juice of half a lemon
miraculously lodged in their mouth...
i've done that too...
i've been to my ex-girlfriend's... christening
of her first twins...
she later had... oh... a baby factory...
4 more?
i was sitting in the church and asked
by her next door neighbour:
'you're not really here, are you?'
do i look i'm here...
why am i at the christening of my ex-girlfriend's
first born... why am i allowed to cradle them in my
hands?
i really shouldn't be here:
i don't understand why i received
an invite... the idiot in me obviously went...
i'm one solo project away from: death...
let's not me this melodramatic...
pickling scenario...
******* beta orbiter: while i was sampling
some Romanian / Turkish prostitutes...
kissing the most tender parts of the body...
the shutters on the eyes...
counting knuckles on the hand...
with lips...
rubbing my hands one some bricks
to later touch... oysters composing a body
of a woman..
i wanted rough fingertips...
i need a beer...
she kept me in her whereabouts...
i've met her Nigerian fling...
we sat at the table looking rather...
nonchalant...
i met her future hubby and the father of her
children while still high on *******
in a pub... before she reformed me...
i came armed with Heidegger's
sein und zeit... i guess i wasn't going to be
so easily disarmed... i'll get to the song
in "question"... by a Dutch folk band from
the 1970s... eh... classical music bores me...
not enough of Prokofiev is aired...
classical music is music for
technicians and the deaf...
Beethoven proved it...
      i prefer folk...
            i can't stomach a Verdi opera...
i try... i try... try in vain...
to no use!
zusammen... contra? allein!
to-together... zu-sammen...
allein? alone...
  alle: all...              ein: A (indefinite article)...
all the indefinite articles: align!
i never understood drinking with people:
they always wallow... in their demise
in their misery...
i like drinking alone...
you can only drink alone...
i abhor drinking in company...
drinking in company might somehow...
end up... bridging the gaps
of imagination where Savannah Bond takes
centre stage...
rejected by woman yet entertained
by a storm... the high tide...
the waves of the north sea come
midnight...
i want to mind... but i have no room for:
revision... what's said: is said...
i need to change the lyrics up...

zusammen will have to be replaced with allein...
alle: ein...
all the the indefinite articles aligned...
bier! bier! zeppelins! bier und zeppelins!
come to think of it...
only brothers fought brothers...
either war... it's so sad...
those closest kin... are the reason
wars are staged... rarely it might happen
that... a Turk will fights a ******...
the opposite side has something we want...
but... the opposing side that's:

**** similis... the ape represented as: man...
has... i don't want an ontological debate
concerning what flaws man...
what flaws man? paradoxes.

i never understood drinking with a  legion...
a core...
perhaps it was fun drinking in company...
if the same company had a tank...
or a lighthouse we had to cater for...
but drinking: *****-nilly... on the weekend...
in company...
i seriously have more boring things to do
than bore myself double-due with that
pastime...
when the conversation is so good that
you can get drunk from it... doubly...
fair enough...
but... women... and their miseries coming
out when drunk...
i want to sing! when i drink i want to sing!
i want to be part of a brotherhood!
aligned with men
of similar disposition... manners... tastes...

for the lyrics:

was wollen wir trinken
was wollen wir trinken, sieben tage lang?
was wollen wir trinken, so ein durst!

was wollen wir trinken, sieben tage lang?
was wollen wir trinken, so ein durst!

es wird genug fur alle sein!
wir trinken zusammen, roll das fass mal rein!
wir trinken zusammen, nicht allein!

on a very simple crux... as much as i love Dickens
i abhor his tendency to ascribe
the term: orthography to English...
orthography can be applied if the language
utilises diacritical marks...
no diacritical marks: no orthography...
it's just dyslexic spelling... Charlie...

example?

pâté... broken down from Brussels...
            phonetically... look at it...
p'ah-tay... no?
                          the absurd surd of H the vowel
catcher one arm of the tetragrammaton
is already there...
the other is being used as a rugby post...

i'd change the lyrics up a little bit...
whatever stereotypical drunk someone somewhere
thinks i might be: i don't drink before
a mirror and drink...
why was it ever so important to drink in
company?!
fair enough... i'll drink in company!
will we be singing by the end of it?
folk songs?!
no?!                well then! *******!
i'll be drinking allein!

i won't bother translating the lyrics...
i want to sing them!

- it has been raining... wash away my:
too much of a good thing can be bad...
which is why i resort to visiting a brothel
once every half a decade
to... **** &... ahem... charm...
my supposed future in-law
called me a charmer... i guess i am a charmer...
if i'm in the mood...
how i'll kiss the freckles... the knuckles...
the eyelids of women that belong to a trade
where i'm but a fraction...
which is still cheaper than...
putting a leash on one and fathering her
whims... if i have to be bluntly honest...
eye-lids... how i love to kiss them...
elbows and knees...
all that my arms are when they come
across the geography of thighs!
oooooh...
                send me mad!

perhaps you think i should be thinking about
Newton and some "new" gravity...
i'm always thinking about women...
just today after a ******* session on my road bicycle
semi-drunk... riding aggressively through
the traffic... parking by the trollies...
a cascade of sweat on my t-shirt's back
gasping... i know the look a woman gives...
when she sees you seeing her...
deer in the ******* headlights...
a ******* onomatopoeia in katakana...

fat chance of me going to Hawaii...
or Knot Orca...
i was watching some t.v.: three guys on
a road-trip through Italy...
i took a break...
had a cigarette in the garden: looked up...
hell... it's like England was the focus
of the Matrix movie argument for...
machines not being solar-panel fed...
the misery of northern Europe...
from England... Scotland... Germany...
Poland... & Scandinavia...
what a mush of a heart with these
overcast skies!

the sweetness of this sort of misery
is... well... i think it's breath-taking!
i still don't know what i'd do with myself should
i find myself "happy"...
Mediterranean happy...
                        like i might need to protect
my copper-neck of a suntan...
happy never left me satisfied...
better! nourished! happy doesn't have enough
fibre in it!
i want to be miserably aware:
happy is too fleeting anyway: always... always! always!
i want to be happy in my melancholy:
which is not simply: depressed... deflated...
disorganised... ditto more synonyms...

extroversion doesn't suit me: either...
please put that in writing...

**** me! i'll have to pull this term out of my ***
like a tapeworm equivalent to
something Heidegger might have have
conjured up! it has to be in German...
sometimes Ing-Leash fails me...

"pre-scriptum":
i'm happy-sad...
  i like...              ugh...
      i'm happy-being-sad...

let's take a peekaboo!

            froh
(not
glücklich not zufrieden)

          -sein-    (being)

traurig (sad)... ergo? well... it's German...
it's a compounded term, concept...
so there's no need for hyphenation
in accordance with terms deemed:
Oxford proof... proved...

it looks like, hey presto!

frohseintraurig...
  have a second look with the... ******* Oxbridge
hyphen stresses for:
intra-punctuations... froh-sein-traurig...
at least English retains its spirit of Sax(on)
when it comes to chemical nouns...
hydrochloric... acid...
these ******* could be so close to adding
a hyphen to that noun compound!
hydro-chloric... no?

i like being sad... oh... melancholy truly elevates
the fickle nature of memory...
there's no imagination: to begin and end with...
i never lived for imaged caricatures of:
what could be willed...
memory, on the other hand... such a fickle creature!

how the English mangle the most important nouns...
the names of people...
David is somehow Dave...
Peter is Pete...
Matthew is Matt...
Samantha becomes Sam
as Sam later becomes Samuel...
while London is woot? Loon'don?
a table is still a ******* table...
i... don't... like... this...
i don't have to! while the gods exists
and man is churning out his, her...
free-will potential...
who can complain?!
it's almost a paradox... prancing...
if we have free-will... "supposedly"...
but... can't express it...
even in the most negative way...
then... exactly: do we have it?
no! however bad the results are...
collateral damage...
as ever... but we need the illusion of free will...
if there were some divine intervention....
its perfectly lodged in the metaphysics of:
what comes after... if anything comes after...
i like the idea of... "something" comes after...
this... debacle of...
i can' just leave some people:
arrogantly... proud! it bothers me!

i stopped thinking of "it" in terms of: soul...
if there's an ego, a superego...
all the schematics of the supposed modern man...
then there's also the... sigma... Σ...
what makes man: animate...
the sense of... once the body is relieved of its duties...
and returns to the altar of inanimate things...
what happens to... not soul but: Σ...
the totality that gave vehicle prospect to:
what would fatally become...
an urn filled with ash!

- i stand before a mirror in the bathroom...
******* into a sink and...
literally... doubt... whether or not i exit...
the ******* mirror is giving me vibes of
insinuation of testing me to focus on...
being a hologram status... for ****'s sake...
it's this bad... so i suppose
reading some Rousseau will not solve
the: currency of the "problem"...
i.e. joke: i was not so much into Chinese
ideograms...
more into Korean Hangul & *** katakana..
so...

        the resurrected Genghis Khan from...
sub-Saharan Africa... no?

- there's this Slavic proverb concerning Slavs...
i;m an Anglo-Slav...
mingling with the Germanic people...

if you're walking among the crows:
you better croak like 'em...

wenn sie ar eintreten krähentotenwache
du besser krächzen!

kiedy wchodisz między wrony:
musisz krakrać tak jak one!
Mateuš Conrad May 2018
the gravity of despair,
                 neither falling nor immersed
       in a status quo -
              typically english:
from the not-too-prying
                       neighbours -
       a mad irritating energy;
then again:  
            not so much despair
but a heart-riddle
      and its cognitive shrapnel,
such a rare event
       that perhaps...
it would be easily found standing
on the edge, peering
                  into a canyon...
on the odd occassion
that am disorientated by
24 years of my life with
this acquired tongue -
     given that there is no
pater a priori -
                     and not that
i'm disillusioned by
   the narrative,
            yet there is never
a sense of a affirming
       stash of ash from bone
or glass from
                 molten sand...
suppose among natives
born and among
           natives burried -
not this, this:
             quasimodo ego
          hunched
without much to escape
into: once upon a time...
   given the gluttonous
space i occupy...
           forever, seemingly,
the technicality of
language,
            as never really
inherited,
           a use-once-discard-
immediately-after-use
hygienic...
          i can suggest
that avoiding pronoun
usage doesn't
necessarily lead to
objective statements -
    much more
objectivity in
walking,
              or not
    throwing punches...
yet, this unfathomable
eeriness of an english
afternoon...
     bothersome
heart fixated on becoming
as useful
as a ******* cactus
           when
holding within focus:
blurred morality...
   if thinking could ever
be equivalent to
narrating...
           even though
in this scenario:
             a way to cheat
time-mechanisation-constraints
of watching gas
   become ice...
            i could never
fathom a practicality of
this language that would
become translated into
a practicality for society...
i look at my father
and see that his tongue
is scalded:
        yet here he also is:
a shining emblem
   of assimilation -
      house, car,
a profession...
                  yet i'm always
the 8 year old
   who "happily"
moved...
          in the language
              i kept as a façade...
czasem,
          kiedy jest okazja...
    też nim coś: po-szprecham.

getting hit on
the head by a swing when
i was 7,
    and: god know's why
surviving a drug-incuded
brain hemorrhage
     didn't help aged 21...
      point being:
       the moment i am not
allowed autobiographical
rights...
      or rather facts...
    that's when this whole
fiasco known as
life... becomes...
     an eerie english afternoon;
yes, the "hard to believe"
     oddities of life...
notably found in
   mouths of the sort of
people that, will probably
die in their sleep...
         luljeta
                lleshanaku
:
i'm sorry that all i know
of albania
              is concerning
the stolen mickey mouse
watch when george w. bush
          took a "risky" route...
but hell:
   it wouldn't be an eerie
afternoon,
   if it wasn't compensated
by:
     a velvety taste with hints
of almonds and walnuts,
and a long finish of candied
fruits and ginger...
   tier monkey monarchists -
rat-and-mutineer-catchers...
  i've become so
knowledgeable of myself
without any concern for
such afternoons
   coming and going as they
please...
    since it's sometimes hard
to expect a coherent:
           interview-type-english...
persistence for
     chronology encapsulated
by the most vague
                 exchange of
   2 + 2's...
                      basically:
**** felt a tad' odd
    and this is what comes out
of such momentary
lapses in
                      attempting to:
revere rigid social-norms
   of: cognitive-voyeurism
in reverse -
                 that's poetry;
twice-the-bucket-load-of-
orthodox-*******
          strict role for rhyme;
so saner then:
             this boorish end;
and yes,
   the sort of punctuation,
not allowing
         exasperation.
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2018
nearing two months in,
grandfather taking his Alzheimer
pills and other rainbow potions,
almost zombified in the morning,
a high spell mid afternoon,
and then back into dossing...
a stuck memory machine,
a mind on the verge of placebo
when it should be ingested
pure reason...

                     or perhaps the result
of early retirement,
and the aftershocks of
Perestroika in the satellite states
of the Warsaw pact...
                  slower than death he sits
almost nonchalant,
but mostly vague,
        even though he's clinging to
a razor blade and drowning,
each time i ask him to take a morning
walk his stubborn leftovers
are adamant on growing
     a mark from lying in bed for
the majority of the day...

             yet it's still down to 5 minutes
for a crossword puzzle,
   evidently clinging to the minimum
of abstract and fiddly can allow
this, ******* circus of memory...
          even i am a memory censor,
have about 10 memories i am adamant
on keeping...

        the rest can go to hell,
each and every time i recall one of them
I have to allocate it chronology,
mind you: the ten are so far apart
and in a variety of places,
that it doesn't exactly become problematic.
only two days ago, somewhere
there was an Saturday, apparently,
the typical **** fest of drinking
skunking and broken heart sulking,
and all other manner of politics imaginable
under the sun...

   yet i was sitting in a home with
two old people...
       and on the odd occasion having
a trivial argument with one them,
because she knew mira kubasińska
and before going to bed she was infuriated
by an article...
        in the tabloid press:

- like hell, her parents didn't have
musical talents, she slept in hay thrown
on the bare floor, her father sold
wicker chairs and had a hunchback...

the ferocious venom of jealousy,
even in old age, persists...
   a man might as well have said:
stop beating about the *******
and get to the point: the woman's dead...

- grandma, go to bed, you're seeing
a Mongol...

      eyes like Buddha-squints and already
walking in sleep with a distant lullaby...

but today i couldn't let her off,
yes, Edinburgh is the capital of the Scots,
no, it doesn't matter if Abba sang
about Glasgow and touring loneliness
and fatigue in super trouper...

but she early tried to make spaghetti
from my mind when i played her
PRL blues, breakout's
     kiedy byłem małym chłopcem
from the debut:

- did you know that's the young nalepa
    and his father?
- you must have been reading tabloids
as bad as the ones i'm reading,
that's nalepa and his son he had with
mira kubasińska...
- grandma, that's the debut album,
   when breakout was a band as good
as peter green's Fleetwood Mac...
   it's the young nalepa with his father!

I didn't win the argument...
    after a while I changed the subject
cooling the "problem"
        by talking about the weather...

and then there are days spent with
old people where the mortal fact is
unnerving, but not in a way that might
inject ambition into you,
to take chances with some untrodden
secret avenue and spontaneous
reawakening in mid-life...
              a metaphor of early Alzheimer's:
an old man's donkey stubbornness,
the unnerving fact and the joke
of the view from the balcony:
right at a graveyard...

    the unnerving mortal fact,
or rather, if you manage to find an honest
old ****: old people ask the same questions
as children might,
       yet they ask the exhausted
question, rather than the annoying
question...
yet still the persistent
      construction of a sieving process
of teasing knowledge while mingling
it with ignorance...
        
      no man can say he doesn't sieve through
this life in some regard of keeping
it: intact...
                hard to say the exhausted inheritence
of taking certain things for granted,
not having inspiration from a blank,
canvas...
             but there is a sieving process...
like any beautiful woman
seen by the shallows of the eye...
     I beheld: but I didn't reside long enough
to be, an adamant admirer,
a muse exhauster...
                      and gallows keeper of:
seeking responsibility outside the mundane...

it's not an evil ignorance, hardly a forced
denial,
             and nature is to proud for us
to shield ourselves with doubt...
            as seen in an old man...
                       however minute the deterioration
and his attempts to escape by
memor bombardment,
   like some secular confession otherwise
attributed to a priest...
            
      if there is truly any beauty in this world,
man can only fathom it by acting out
a guise of placebo ignorance,
          not some dumb luck of a *******
celestial tourist...
                         yet at the same time not
perpetually awe-stricken
    pulverised by a seeking question...

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

( a truly unnecessary post scriptum
concerning the zeitgeist

      we'd all go mad if suddenly pronouns
became transcendental toward
the current gender neutrality vogue,
e.g.
   ? walked up to a mirror,
    ? peered in,
          in a split second, ? realised
that what stood before ? was not
      ?, but at the same time also ?,
in a reflex split second: ? stood entombed
in a siamese union with ? own
reflection, as ?!...
       otherwise ? would certainly
be walking about, hotheaded
and bore-snout-hot-phlegm-oozing
mirror shard's worth of !         )

oh yeah,  because everyone was so
hot off the mark to read
Samuel Beckett's watt...
      **** knows why the national
pride brigade cites the unread Ulysses.

— The End —