She tells me,
"You're very self aware,
You know what, why and how you do things,
Yet you continue to do them."

I explain to her that I never learned how to ask for help
So I only ever knew how to look to myself for the answer
Which has led me to become pretty creative with metaphors
As well as entertaining internal monologues,
Like when I explained to her that my parents look at me
And see a knot of misfortune
Without looking at all the threads that I'm comprised of
Which led them to this conclusion of me.

She asked me if I ever thought of harming other people
To which I noted that I tend to play fruit-ninja
With peoples faces
In my head.
Though I'd never actually do anything,
Just as I'm able to keep a professional demeanor
Giving no hints to
The constant stream of expletives in my head.

She asks me why I don't feel like I have friends,
Which leads me to disclose
That I can't tell if I work too much
To spend time with friends
Or if I do it to distract from the lack of.

I laugh when I regale her
With how I recently bought a yoyo
Because it is relaxing
And makes me feel like a cool kid
That would be part of the gang in Hey Arnold,
Stating that it's been helping me with my panic attacks
By focusing on making my yoyo
Go around the world,
Pretending it was me,
Circumventing my lack of coping mechanisms.

Iliana looks at me, with her mouth slightly turned down
Attempting to keep a straight face
Though her brows still knit together in slight confusion
As she asks me how I'm able to say all of this with a smile on my face,
"Well," I state, "I don't have time to be depressed."

Sometimes I get lost in transition like Neo I'm the One. Even when my mind is lost. Sometimes I sit and wonder what is left for me to conquer. If my thoughts are the only thing that escape. Sometimes I lose track of time as if it doesn't pass. As if my eyes won't wrinkle and my skin won't shrivel. Sometimes I lose money as if these new generation of rappers and strippers going to pay my benifits. Sometimes I think about time as if I can buy it back. Sometimes I think about love as if I can make it up. Sometimes I think of Melissa. Sometimes I think of Jodieliz. Sometimes I think of Meltin, Amanda, Natalia, Iliana, Jessica in that exact order. Sometimes I look back and say I should not had done that. But life without regrets won't give you lessons. And I live a life with no regrets so never expect a sincere apology text. Sometimes I get lost in transition when I roam through my thoughts. All sixty  thousand and one. Sometimes I get lost. Unplug.