So I'm a little down.
So I'm not like everyone else.
So I'm battling something people don't know much about.
So I'm different.
So I'm "dysfunctional".
So I'm not from a traditional background.
So what?
Does that mean,
I shouldn't be allowed to attend my college?
The one thing keeping me going?
That I should be locked up in the loony bin?
All because my brain has become numb to some pain?
I've found function in my alleged dysfunction,
some traditions occasionally get broken.
Exceptions to the rules are made.
The world is full of suffering,
but it is also full of overcoming it.
So where do you get off,
telling me how to deal with something
you've only read about in your
guidance text books?
Where five minutes into meeting me,
that you feel the ability to dictate how I should go
about my life?
I've lived 20 years on this Earth
without your input,
sure, it hasn't been perfect,
but I've made the unconventional work.
I mean, ask anybody that actually knows me,
if they would ever consider me "conventional".
So don't sit there, and hide behind words like
"I just want what's best for you", "I care about you", "I'm concerned",
"Its your choice to go, but if you don't:
the police will forcibly escort you,
or you'll not be allowed to be in our college community."
Scoffing at the word community,
because whenever someone tries to use that word,
usually it is about discluding people, rather than including them.
"So, either be discluded now, by your 'choice', or by us making you.
All the while, literally 12 hours previous,
we had zero idea what was going on,
or even who you were. "
Seems like you really do have "my best interests at heart", huh?

There was never a time and place
That I was able to think of myself without your face
And I never knew if that's because I loved you
Or because I didn't want to know what was true
At times I realize that this isn't right
But every time I do my heart puts up a fight
Because the pain that my brain can imagine
Without you is something I don't want to fathom
And with every single insult that you aim towards me
Is pierced through every part of my body
Discluding my heart
That is unable to rip us apart
I'll never know if waiting for change
Or waiting for you to rearrange
Is the smartest thing for a frail girl like me to do
But everything in my life is now centered around you
You have control over my every action
I feel like my heart to you was a simple transaction
But why can't I see the love I give in you
We're a two way mirror and I can't see what you do
I can only see myself knowing that you're on the other side
I try to run but I can't hide
From the truth that I need more than this
And that I'm unable to open my eyes when we kiss
Because I'm terrified of seeing you look back at me
With open eyes but otherwise empty
You are the first lover who I would do anything for
But I'm worn out and you still want more
I can't stand when you say the things you do
Like how we both need to pull through
When you're the one who got us in this mess
I always think your harshness is a test
To see how far you can push me before I'm on the edge
But dealing with this forever is something I refuse to pledge
Everyone tries to tell me you aren't worth it
But I tell them that I don't want to forfeit
Because you're not all bad and hell
I pray that I get out of this wishing well
Collecting enough change
In hopes to see us change
I promised that I'd love you until I couldn't
But I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't
Because I could love you until the day my heart gives out
That is if you help me rid this doubt
Steady ground is what I seek
At times I feel like we're standing on the highest peak
And other times I feel like I'm alone at the bottom of the sea
Waiting for you to rescue me
But most times you never show
And I'm left feeling like you never let me know
If you adore me as you say you do
If you truly mean the words I love you
I'm fighting a battle I'm unable to win
I'm constantly ripping off my skin
To see if there's something lingering within me
That will help you see
That I would die for you
But what if that's all you ever wanted me to do