"cripled" poems
It's said that the longer you try to keep something away, the deeper it's impression has on you. I fell even harder this time. I wasn't sure if this was love or guilt, it kept me at bay - it felt the same.
The first day i ever loved her, must have been or perhaps should have been the day i cherish the most; instead, it became the day that trips me over and shoves me deep into a pit of sorrow and guilt. I can't seem to get out of it. I hurt the only love of my life.
Call me depressed, maniac or just a socially awkward **** it doesn't matter, the day i made her cry all over again, caused her pain - I became all of it.
Not only did I deprive her of all the happiness and laughter she deserved, but I also filled her with doubt, distress and hatred. I birthed Pain which cripled me with anxiety and hopelessness. As a parent it should have been my duty to look after her, but my anguished soul abandoned her. I didn't dare think about how it must have terrorised her, yet when I look at her, seeking mercy, I see her pretty face, scarred by my pathetic self: laughing, hiding too much behind that pretty smile.
If only I could make her happy. If only I could look after her without fragmenting her soul even more.
Jun 20, 2020
Jun 20, 2020 at 7:11 AM UTC
Walls too high,
too thick
can't dig under it.
doors cemented up,
I can't change that.
Standing outside
barefoot
on cold ground;
gravel's too rugged
to lay down,
shadows cast
a losing lot.
All I got's
a dwindling spark,
yet,
here I am
riveted to the spot.
Stand I or be cripled.
One of us will crumble,
but my will
will not.
Sep 30, 2018
Sep 30, 2018 at 9:06 PM UTC
You have me feeling,
Feeling hopeful than usual.
You are seeing me in my most honest element
You would not like the girl who layed on the ground awaiting to be picked up by him.
I now feel unafraid to lose for what does not want to stay
For what is not meant to stay
I am only
afraid
Tired
Drained
to add number 9
Old habits try to break me
As fast as they come and slow to go
They rapidly repeat...
His mouth matches experiment 1
He does not want you like experiemt 5
He is seeing someone else like 1 and 5
It won't be the same tomorrow
I'll know his real truth tomorrow
"good morning chula"
..my heart smiles
you are still here
And this cycle of hopeless thoughts repeat and repeat and repeat
"how are you chula?"
..my heart smiles
You are still here
And this dam cycle of fear repeats and repeats and repeats
late at night when you disappear for 2 days
At times
"como te va?"
...my heart melts
..You are still here
Number 8?
Let's see where this goes
Years of practice
Proud and tall
She picks herself up
Cripled at heart
But she's up
You are now just a pair of eyes I want to impress for the better of me
..if I can do it.
Heart in cloud 9
Brought down to step 1.
"let's see where we go"
He says
Only 3 months in
I know I sound crazy
You are not mine yet
but simply a friend
Truthfuly and most sweet
I now know
soft whispers
Patient steps
Eyes that see me
Hands that push
I feel consistency
Aug 10, 2018
Aug 10, 2018 at 3:09 PM UTC