You are gone.
My eyes are blind to your body.
My ears deafened to your voice,
I am senseless.
But refusing to accept
My eyes and ears strain to find you
In the darkness,
The silence.
Tears erupt from within me
As though my Jugular has been
Sliced by the shock
That should’ve saved you.
My shoulders begin to ache
As my hands grasp for you
And find nothing but air
Intangible molecules bouncing and colliding
To form matter that isn’t you.
Like a newborn chick I imprint on
Anything that moves
Hoping maybe it will be you
Or something, someone similar.
I am lost without a map
Left with nothing but time
Not enough to bring you back
Enough to think of you and
Too much to fill the hole in my heart.
A hole that has left me
Tachycardic and anoxic
Unable to take in a breath of life
Under the weight of guilt from
Stealing that which could’ve been yours—
Should be yours.
If only…
If only I had caught you
Before you fell.
If only…
If only we hadn’t fought.
But you left me.
You abandoned me.
Like a baby you didn’t want
A puppy that couldn’t be trained
Why?
I wanted to die
I tried to leave
But I failed,
Because you are gone
And I am not.

My mind is a vortex,
Swirling whirlpool of
Voices and images,
Movies and words.

At times it is calm,
Like the sea before a tsunami,
Eerily still, anoxic.

The pop of a rubber band,
The slice of a blade,
Removes me from myself
And at once I am pensive

My thoughts –erased,
My eyes search from emotion
In a brick wall
My mind –transformed to its twin:
Organized, compartmentalized
Sturdy,
But easily crumbled
By the trembling of the earth.