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Caleb Reeves May 2014
Prologue: People have their own sneezes and that is surely fine, but you need these top-notch instructions for a faultless sneeze. I will instruct you on the fine art of how to make everyone in the room feel badly for not saying "Bless you!" You will find the results of your new sneeze to be utterly awesome. People will enjoy hearing you sneeze and wonder how you perfected such a basic  human function. You will love your "after" sneeze and wonder how you could ever live with your "before" sneeze. Be an "after" and stay an "after!"

STEP 1: Start by breathing heavily. Gasp for air, inhale deeply. Don't make your peers think you are merely snorfling. Don't make them think you're some kind of schmuck. You want to sneeze like royalty. Take in that breath and inhale proudly.

STEP 2: Rise a little, maybe even stand up, to open up the lungs.

STEP 3: Let it loose, make it loud and sneeze with gusto. Make your sneeze noticeable to otherwise oblivious teachers who only notice wrong answers and very obvious text messaging during class time. Make your sneeze a TRUE distraction.

STEP 4 : Before anyone says a thing, bless yourself as if no one is there, as if you were in your room all alone int he dark of the shadows where the sound of the bed creaking scares you half to death. Where the thing under your bed says means things to you while you try to drift off to sleep--where loneliness and death meet and...sorry. I got carried away. To recap step four, talk to yourself. Refer to suggestions below.

STEP 5: If no one speaks, begin to cry. Moan and wail. Wonder aloud why no one takes the moment to wish you well in your time of need.

IN CONCLUSION: If none of this works to gain you attention, the ******* down and call me Sally. It's time to choose new classmates. By golly, they must be the most putrid thing any baby spit up if they don't' stop for a second and wish you a very bless-ed life from here on out.

SUGGESTIONS BELOW:
"Achoo! Excuse me, bless me."
"Hachoooo! Gesundheit."
"Achew! Bless my soul."

Warning: Sneezes have been known to spread disease. Sneeze responsibly!
This is the very first piece I was fortunate to have published back in 2008, it was my Junior year in High School. My step mom, Anna Reeves, helped me with some of the editing and word choice.
betterdays Aug 2014
the morning after
the night before
rises with a cold crisp sun
and sea mist rising

i shuffle out...glad i do not
need to be at work til 2.00pm
i am already wrung out
my leg still achew
and growls
and my eyes are
bleary from
crying.
hair,
a sidways birds nest
smelling of a night's sweaty tossing and turning
and the smoke from the fire dressed fashionably not,
in flannel pj's and hippo studded robe.

i can barely raise a smile.

and still,
he says he loves me
and kisses me soundly ...before  telling me he will
take Tod for Maccas
and then to kindy...
it is a male bonding day....

and i should just go back to bed.....
cause i had a rough night....
oh' and he will bring lunch home at middayish

and that is one
and one again,of a million reasons,
why i love my man
to the stars and beyond.
he is **** good in bed too....lol

freeflow....as is
Ken Pepiton Feb 2022
2022 2:04

the VA Webex conference
future, bogus billable hours, a job,
and something to use old sad men for,

measuring, me re assuring, my more
aggressive conserver of self-will,
trained to lead, since learning to read, DID
that not occur, in each boy's life

dread of the cobalt bomb,
constancy of light speed and pituitary assisted
thought speed,
pinging pong responding, thinking we may
think
along similar lines, so, I
decided,

to find a reason to bring to any reasonings,
I recross, as many of my first reasons
are in a framed loom, with four corners,

that bronze on the map coordinates,
marks nothing, four lines dividing states,
grants given the takers and tamers of the land,

whose sons have gone on to inherit this wind.
Imagine that.
Millions of letters aligned in code to readers
of ascii nada mas this exists in a series of events

solid backups, foolproof, we say CFO proof,
in the pre-Y2K IT game, geek veteran deaf,
high-demand HR,

so much so, mucho mucho, skip the queue
step right up
look achew

gotta tale or a story, is that your's that
you're eating?

Oh, my camera is still on I'm talking to me,
in my perifery
a mete-able bit of time delay,

the in, the way, das sein, dime a time

slip on through, think we may
as well
as any, I'd agree, and off we'd go

wild blue yonder, but that,
was no longer than this two weeks,

less, far less, threaded through now,
the real me in this chair,

in the back ground, one of the service's
perks, choose from these the background,
set and setting, photo director's call

Art's call, talent is a tool, shut up,
Intuit, tweak. Test… fo' won't you shut up see

that's me. On TV, in my easy chair,
on a Federally mandated budgeted service,
to me, that allows me eight easy
pseudo-greenscreens sets, one,
defaulted to my subconscious profile,
I'll assume,
that's me. On TV, in my easy chair,
rocking in floor lit wonder in front of
Gobekli Tepi,

and nobody says a word.
Convergence foreseen in the nineties,
has occurred,
much of this sub-mit-sci-o-usly con meat
mind excuses for war,

well, long ago, it became this game,
few lived so long as to need to know
the patience going gives a slow belly
and a liar.

Dancing at the door of the iliad within,
feel free to think, that me.

The camera is on, in text, seeing me
seeing me glance down, my fingers,
pointing from the mirror, not in the mirror

my face me face, same effect, not mirrored
neurons, my neurons, feeding back

way too late to care, no coda queue for me
that is no monkey in that mirror, that is me.

Tvme offers me his right as I offer mine,
omagod that's me. On TV, in my easy chair,

this never gets old, this phase on one of these
fridays, I can do one of these groups.
with some pretty sad sacks, when seen on TV,
I fit right in, with
Gobekli Tepi, floorlit, pre-roof

Real as can be imagined, this world
common old men, commonly share
live talking head time, everybit as
trustworthy as Kronkite spelled with a c.

The c at the center of we in time where u
find sounds form some things that seem ok
if a crow caw does mean something, only that
I heard you, ok, did you hear me I don't know.

That may be life's most enjoyable time
for any idle thought poured into a word,
there, breathe, you have it, I read, read
I said, I can.

I can tell you, partly, how I came to know
I can read:

We lived behind the courthouse
with the machine gun from world war one
and absolutely olympish champs from
army navy and marines, over there
over there,
across my street, is the lawn I play on,
over there,
over there, is the jail for drunk injuns
over there is where I learned the audience

reaction to a Hualapai child, being
evangelized, he was in a mob of snot nose,
rez kids, in the nineties, eh, think about it,

this kid in the crowd looks at me,
and my stunningly ebullient zealous wife,
he says,
my grandpa has never been in jail,
and I think
my grandkids won't be proud of that.

And I'm kinda proud to think of that,
as a test, love your neighbor as clause…

that part you work out, some days amaze,
some days,
right back in the maze,
picking up fragments of prayers we made
effective,

sort of, means, sorting idle words for worth,
is what sorting any thing is for, what it's worth,
or what its worth, that difference,

a breath equivalent,' force of mind to think,
after one another then and now, the
whole life on earth is better 2020 wide,

on the layer where nothing we learn is new,
we passed that so long ago in terms of
jellotime and bulletspeed and thought
godspeed in biblical time

using the stacking of the stories for effect,
the honor to the scribes taken from the brite
sons of the weavers and spinners of yarns,
tenders of tavern, need not apply,

ah, but when the Hans were in, we could test,
life was to be examined, prepare to enter

the gate, and wait for results,
life is that test, still
smallest yes voice says.
An infinitesimal slight speck
tickled nostril follicle – activated
via an itty bitty, nitty gritty dirt band
noah bigger than a mole
luck yule set in motion
a chain reaction,
whence mine sensitive
proboscis honker (a wheeze hilly
little bridged fine tuned pug
nose aroma sensor),
got unexpectedly in gauged
(in holy matt

trim mo’ knee) to achew,
and eschew pledging troth (in favor
of hanky-panky) found
this chap feeling phlegmatic despite
an endless strings of faux
allergic emanations, which upon
subsiding left me throat
rather raspy and voice some octaves
deeper akin to a coterie
of celebrated jumping frogs from
Calaveras County, California

took residence and took leave
sans stranglehold upon
math rote upon awakening
from a hard day’s journey into night
across the outer limits of thine
twilight zone resurrected
during slumber, yet upon awake
kin ning felt much refreshed
and hungry enough to eat a horse
– nee – make that forced ***** –
gulped down within a hoof

n hour and now recount how
back in the day when zooming
thru the Lilies of the Valley
(whooshing mass elf tubby an aero
plane) frequent bouts
with uber twittering snapchatting sinus
attacks besieged crinkled,
doppelganger expeller for germs
hunting with his clean
X instantaneously for nasal passages
to enter surreptitiously
the fecund effluvia dripping, oozing,

and  seeping clear liquid
as wintry cold air looses droplets
from out a near frozen nose,
which bloke knows not why
frigid blast stimulates
a gallimaufry of sniffling to spurt into
a volume of one after another
gesundheit snorting trumpeting
unwittingly confusing
Canadian geese, who misconstrue the

honking from midway
centered ****** *****, which angry
birds in tandem with
flock of Seagulls quite perturbed to
espy one curmudgeon chap
clapping hands over (what feels
like a smashed face)
in an effort to stifle subsequent gummy
emissions, which residue
expectorated with heaven ***.

This thick mucous
essentially the defense mechanism of
a healthy body electric
to restore biz zee nose as usual,
which for this mild mannered
liberal leitmotif from the
chronicle of one matted
nattering nabob of nativity attests

congested mob functioning
like a well lubricated machine,
et for the life of me,
nary a handy dandy
blues clues evident
as per, how the human entity
empowered to steamroll over
any reasonably annoying bugaboo.

Ah, now if only a similar
innate defense mechanism
arose within the mental health,
that would be a supreme testament
to thine atheistic exist
ants of miracles minus
the attendant pharmacopeia of this,
that or some other drug
to aright skewered psyche (of this
contemplative, emotive
and intuitive literate outlier),

whose sixty plus three
shades of gray matter went awry
and skewed toward tipping point
(to cope with ordinary
cares and concerns
of an uncertain whirled wide web)
found the bulk of his life
riddled with a joe king, gun
slinging tub back ha chew win,
bard **** wordsmith,
who doth newt like
to utter any crossword.
An infinitesimal slight speck tickled
nostril follicle – activated via an itty
bitty, nitty gritty dirt band noah bigger
than a mole luck yule set in motion a
chain reaction, whence mine sensitive
proboscis honker (wheeze - hilly little
bridged fine tuned pug nose aroma
sensor), got unexpectedly in gauged
(in holy matt trim mo’ knee) to achew,
and eschew pledging troth (in favor of
hanky-panky) found this chap feeling
phlegmatic because an endless string
of faux allergic emanations, which
upon subsiding left me throat rather
raspy and voice some octaves deeper
akin to a coterie of celebrated jumping
frogs from Calaveras County, California
took residence and refused leaving
stranglehold upon math rote upon
awakening from a hard day’s journey
into night across the outer limits
of thine twilight zone resurrected
during slumber, yet upon awakening
felt much refreshed and hungry enough
to eat a horse – nee – make that forced
***** – gulped down within a hoof
n hour and now recount how back in

the day when zooming thru the Lilies
of the Valley (whooshing mass elf tubby
an aeroplane) frequent bouts with uber
twittering snapchatting sinus attacks
besieged crinkled, doppelganger expeller
for germs hunting with his clean X
instantaneously for nasal passages
to enter surreptitiously the fecund
effluvia dripping, oozing, and  seeping
clear liquid as wintry cold air looses
droplets from out a near frozen nose,
which bloke knows not why frigid blast
stimulates gallimaufry of sniffling
to spurt into a volume of one after
another gesundheit donning, snorting
trumpeting unwittingly confusing
Canadian geese, who misconstrue
the honking from midway centered
****** *****, which angry birds
in tandem with flock of Seagulls
quite perturbed to espy one curmudgeon
chap clapping hands over (what feels
like Smashing Pumpkins on face)
in an effort to stifle subsequent gummy
emissions, which residue expectorated
with heave *** shove
schnoz el tov blowing into snot-rag.

This thick mucous essentially
the defense mechanism of a healthy
body electric to restore biz zee nose
as usual, which for this mild mannered
liberal leitmotif from the chronicle of one
matted nattering nabob of nativity attests
congested mob functioning like
a well lubricated machine, yet
for the life of me, nary a handy dandy
blues clues evident as per, how
the human entity empowered
to steamroll over
any reasonably annoying bugaboo.

Ah, now if only a similar innate
defense mechanism arose
within the mental health,
that would be a supreme testament
to thine atheistic tasty mints of miracles
minus the attendant pharmacopeia
of this, that or some other drug to aright
skewered psyche (of this contemplative,
emotive and intuitive literate outlier),
whose sixty two plus eight shades
of gray matter went awry and skewed
toward tipping point (to cope with ordinary
cares and concerns of an uncertain
whirled wide web) found the bulk
of his life riddled with a joe king,
gun slinging tub back ha chew win,
bard **** wordsmith,
who doth newt like to utter any
cryptographic crossword.
circa June 20th, 2022
prompted me to stutter
self addressed rapid fire gesundheit
nsync with, spluttering
“I don't have any allergies!”

An infinitesimal slight speck tickled
nostril follicle – activated via an itty
bitty, nitty gritty dirt band noah bigger
than a mole luck yule set in motion a
chain reaction, whence mine sensitive
proboscis honker (wheeze - hilly little
bridged fine tuned pug nose aroma
sensor), got unexpectedly in gauged
(in holy matt trim mo’ knee) to achew,
and eschew pledging troth (in favor of
hanky-panky) found this chap feeling

phlegmatic because an endless string
of faux allergic emanations, which
upon subsiding left me throat rather
raspy and voice some octaves deeper
akin to a coterie of celebrated jumping
frogs from Calaveras County, California
took residence and refused leaving
stranglehold upon math rote upon
awakening from a hard day’s journey
into night across the outer limits
of thine twilight zone resurrected

during slumber, yet upon awakening
felt much refreshed and hungry enough
to eat a horse – nee – make that forced
***** – gulped down within a hoof
n hour and now recount how back in
the day when zooming thru the Lilies
of the Valley (whooshing mass elf tubby
an aeroplane) frequent bouts with uber
twittering snapchatting sinus attacks
besieged crinkled, doppelganger expeller
for germs hunting with his clean X

instantaneously for nasal passages
to enter surreptitiously the fecund
effluvia dripping, oozing, and  seeping
clear liquid as wintry cold air looses
droplets from out a near frozen nose,
which bloke knows not why frigid blast
stimulates gallimaufry of sniffling
to spurt into a volume of one after
another gesundheit donning, snorting
trumpeting unwittingly confusing
Canadian geese, who misconstrue

the honking from midway centered
****** *****, which angry birds
in tandem with flock of Seagulls
quite perturbed to espy one curmudgeon
chap clapping hands over (what feels
like Smashing Pumpkins on face -
resembling a Puddle of Mudd)
in an effort to stifle subsequent gummy
emissions, which residue expectorated
with heave *** shove
schnoz el tov blowing into snot-rag.

This thick mucous essentially
the defense mechanism of a healthy
body electric to restore biz zee nose
as usual, which for this mild mannered
liberal leitmotif from the chronicle of one
matted nattering nabob of nativity attests
congested mob functioning like
a well lubricated machine, yet
for the life of me, nary a handy dandy
blues clues evident as per, how
the human entity empowered
to steamroll over
any reasonably annoying bugaboo.

Ah, now if only a similar innate
defense mechanism arose
within the mental health,
that would be a supreme testament
to thine atheistic tasty mints of miracles
minus the attendant pharmacopeia
of this, that or some other drug to aright
skewered psyche (of this contemplative,
emotive and intuitive literate outlier),
whose sixty three plus eight shades

of gray matter went awry and skewed
toward tipping point (to cope with ordinary
cares and concerns of an uncertain
whirled wide web) found the bulk
of his life riddled with a joe king,
gun slinging tub back ha chew win,
bard **** wordsmith,
who doth newt like to utter any
cryptographic crossword
toward friend or foe.
The word Gesundheit was first used in English in 1914. It became popular in the United States due to the many German immigrants who moved there. Many Americans may not be aware that Gesundheit is a German word, or even what it means.

Contrary ro popular belief, I experience sneezing fits
every now and again (like right nah... nah... mah now,
but cannot attribute sternutation linkedin to any known allergens).

An infinitesimal slight speck tickled nostril follicle – activated
via an itty bitty, nitty gritty dirt band noah bigger than a mole
luck yule set in motion a chain reaction, whence mine sensitive
proboscis honker (a wheeze hilly little bridged fine tuned pug
nose aroma sensor), got unexpectedly in gauged (in holy matt
trim mo’ knee) to achew, and eschew pledging troth (in favor
of hanky-panky) found this chap feeling phlegmatic despite
an endless strings of faux allergic emanations, which upon
subsiding left me throat rather raspy and voice some octaves
deeper akin to a coterie of celebrated jumping frogs from
Calaveras County, California took residence and took leave
sans stranglehold upon math rote upon awakening from a
hard day’s journey into night across the outer limits of thine
twilight zone resurrected during slumber, yet upon awake
kin ning felt much refreshed and hungry enough to eat a horse
– nee – make that forced ***** – gulped down within a hoof
n hour and now recount how back in the day when zooming
thru the Lilies of the Valley (whooshing mass elf tubby an aero
plane) frequent bouts with uber twittering snapchatting sinus
attacks besieged crinkled, doppelganger expeller for germs
hunting with his clean X instantaneously for nasal passages
to enter surreptitiously the fecund effluvia dripping, oozing,
and  seeping clear liquid as wintry cold air looses droplets
from out a near frozen nose, which bloke knows not why
frigid blast stimulates a gallimaufry of sniffling to spurt into
a volume of one after another gesundheit snorting trumpeting
unwittingly confusing Canadian geese, who misconstrue the
honking from midway centered ****** *****, which angry
birds in tandem with flock of Seagulls quite perturbed to
espy one curmudgeon chap clapping hands over (what feels
like a smashed face) in an effort to stifle subsequent gummy
emissions, which residue expectorated with heaven ***.
This thick mucous essentially the defense mechanism of
a healthy body electric to restore biz zee nose as usual,
which for this mild mannered liberal leitmotif from the
chronicle of one matted nattering nabob of nativity attests
congested mob functioning like a well lubricated machine,
et for the life of me, nary a handy dandy blues clues evident
as per, how the human entity empowered to steamroll over
any reasonably annoying bugaboo. Ah, now if only a similar
innate defense mechanism arose within the mental health,
that would be a supreme testament to thine atheistic exist
ants of miracles minus the attendant pharmacopeia of this,
that or some other drug to aright skewered psyche (of this
contemplative, emotive and intuitive literate outlier),
whose fifty plus eight shades of gray matter went awry
and skewed toward tipping point (to cope with ordinary
cares and concerns of an uncertain whirled wide web)
found the bulk of his life riddled with a joe king, gun
slinging tub back ha chew win, bard **** wordsmith,
who doth newt like to utter any crossword.
He holds his own heart in his hands but doesn't feel it
the tin feels cold to the touch I think he was hurt too much
wearing a funnel over his head he smokes away his dreams
he wants to be loved but, you can't give what you don't get  
To anyone who feels unloved today the sun says, "I Love You "
as it lands on the vessel  but not the man whos lonesome and  gray
he tilts his shadow towards the big forest feeling all hollow inside
no he doesn't remember the last time he suddenly, cried...
Rain begins to drum against his breastplate armor he begins to rust
he hears a tiny whisper a seedling in the morning dawn, " heh you"
"me?" he says, as little fires start, in his impassive eyes of gold
"yes you" says the voice, you're more then just tin, I LOVE YOU!
he opens the little trap door and feels a gush of red, Achew !
For the first time in his life he feels the cold, the sun, the rain, its insane
he can walk without a creak, he's been oiled with love and he
feels right as rain.

— The End —