(Words once dedicated to beauty have become a scream of true hideousness. This truth is your damning, filthy beast of a panther).


I wish I could forget your face

Tell my stupid heart the rot underneath your skin

Our laughter shared was only a tool

The words spooling from your mouth spider silk I coveted


The heat and solid muscle of your body

A comfort until your hands discovered my body

Creeping across to touch and hold steady

Teasing the edges of my underwear

Finding the soft coarseness of ***** hair


Hold me close, be my protector, my champion,

But all you’ll ever be is a predator


Your friendship and my wanting of you stripped me down

I stayed still

Let you touch and rock

Hoped you would stop

Remembered another body that pulled and pushed mine


I wanted you I will not deny my hunger

But I wanted you to want me as a person, as a partner you loved

Not a possibly sleeping girl who you could ******

A girl who you could take from whatever you wished


Did you find my rejection a challenge?

Get excited that your fingers might be the first inside of me?

What would you have done to me?

Would your fingers have been followed by your ****?


Why would you violate me, Hercules?

But you don’t deserve that name anymore

You’re a bright flower that rots from the inside


No, you are washed of your name

Your hair knotted in between the fingers of my fist

I relieve you of the weight of dignity, cut you of all strength

You’ve frightened me with what you could have done – were willing to attempt

You’ve betrayed me of my trust and affection


I want you to pay

I want you to answer me: why, why, why?

Why would you do this to me, Jacob?

Hercules,

My hero, my idol

How I adored you.

You set my heart to fluttering

My words dripped with sweetness

So pure it made eyes water.



How I swooned and brought you

Offerings of the words from my heart

Lit votive candles to see you smile

And came to you ****** with a panther’s pelt

To cloak you in.



You glutted yourself on praise,

But still it wasn’t enough.

How gently you took your sacrifice from me

The words stop and please don’t wouldn’t leave my throat.

Clever or cruel you left no bruises for me to cry over

No wetness to prove your body touched mine

Not even a kiss to pretend that I wanted this, that I asked for it.



You left no evidence you ever existed.



Now I creep into the temple that was built to your charm

Smash every offering to pieces

Tear apart all the works of beauty dedicated to you.

Realize with eyes cleansed the rot that surrounds me.

The floor slick with blood

Of those faithful before me who found out the price of you.



The gentle votive candles that once only gave gentle warmth

now incinerate the wood of your temple

Devouring and devastating all in their path.

Four months later the inferno has become a bonfire

And one day it will be only dead embers.



The day I find the strength to turn my eyes from the blaze.

When I do not feel marked by the ashes of our friendship,

The day I forget how much I still want your blood on my hands.

The hunger is back

She remembers now.

Knows the difference between deprivation and hunger.



He pulled out her teeth one by one.

How quiet she had been despite the pain

The tears gliding her cheeks and jaw

He asked but took what he wanted regardless of her words

His necklace of teeth chattering in her face,

Whispering to her to push him away, to fight.



It’s only afterwards he reveals that the teeth are of other women.

No, her teeth will find no place on that thread he tells her,

but placed in his pocket where no one will see.



Touching her gums she finds pockets

Open sores oozing pain and the flavor of iron,

But when he tried to take her tongue next

She wrenched away, his necklace chittering in envy.

He smothered her with his body, fingers scrabbling in her mouth

as she whimpered and writhed

Bit his fingers with what she had left

Firm enough to discourage but not to draw blood in return.



Her new teeth are ridged like a child’s

Odd to feel the return of them.

How she hungers again

For true love and affection

Never again does she want to hear the click of teeth on a chain.



She wants to feel the nip of a lover on her skin, tongue laving the bruises she wants

A need to mark and be marked

Share the joy of consuming.

Pretty boy to be claimed and tamed

Quiet that mouth, hush your thoughts.

I want you to enjoy what I’ve got to give to you

Be good for me. So good and still.



Calm on your knees

Eyes sharp on me

So eager, wet for me.

A collar to match your eyes

that compliments your skin.



Play with your hair

Scratch my nails through your stubble

Trace the shape of your lips

Open that greedy mouth, set your teeth against the bit.

Devour the moon down to its fullness

Swollen belly and a glow from within

Giddy and silly for what I want

Conflicted with the reality.



A conditioned fear of beauty

I want to believe in it again

Long to have a man to hold.



I want the lightness of the chase

The rush in my chest from your smiles

Let me feed and I will feed you in return.



Unashamed lust I want to touch you

Press myself to you and be held

Someone to call mine to claim.

I no longer want the taste of his blood in my mouth

I bay instead for the blood of men

Who understand only entitlement.

Hear no screams and hear consent in the silence

Those that feel no resistance as she lays quiet and still.

Get excited she’s become a doll

Perfect, not even plastic.



These teeth carved out of rage

Shred skin to ground meat and crack bones

For the slick marrow inside

Eat darkness to expose the light.

The overwhelming need lessened from scorching
Soothed down to a fizzle
I want to reach for your hand,
Your hair and pull you close.
Kiss and stroke your face
Take sweet sips from the coolness of your mouth.

The lack of a fever is disturbing
I step back to find my eyes are not blinded.
You are not distorted, do not tower over me
You are not toxic masculinity.
My heart isn’t a caged animal dying in terror
But a fluttering bird that chirps sweetly.

I crave the gentle interest
Want not just your body, but I want to see life with you
Through your eyes.
An old woman crooning to this young one.

I wish to press into you and feel curious.
But I do not reach for you
My fingers have not curled in your hair
Nor my lips chilled by yours.

I watch you and see the way the edges of your eyes crinkle
How your tongue presses at the back of your front teeth when you laugh
The surety of your walk as you move away.

My voice lies silent and I am afraid.
I’ve not felt this soft curiosity, tinged with physical hunger
Do you?
Should I reach out even with the possible price of being ignored
Hand held out in empty space
The hurtful squeeze of disappointment.

Do you think of me?
Will you remember me in the passing months?
Is this affection without the gnawing heat in my bones?