i feel trapped in my body, i need to get out, i need to breathe.
i need a hug, i need to be suffocated in you

i need time to myself.
i can't live without you

i hate you.
i love you more than i love myself

i never wanna talk to you again.
i feel miserable when you don't talk to me

please leave me alone.
please don't leave me i need you

i just want to be yours.

if i had a flower
for every time i thought of you,
i'd have a dying garden

is giving you my all not enough?
is paying attention to you and only you not enough?
is doing everything i can to please you not enough?
is breaking myself for you not enough?
are my genuine and pure feelings not enough?

why do i need to give up my body to feel loved?
why do i need to be disgusted with myself in order to feel wanted?
why do i need to be sexualized to be seen?
is touching me the only way to get to know me?
is using me the only way i'm useful?
is it the only thing i'm needed for?
the only thing i'm good for?

am i undeserving of true love?

my love for you will be the death of me

it fills me up, fills up every millimeter of empty space in my body
it moves my organs around to make room
it engulfs me, and swallows me whole
every moment i'm awake feels like i'm drowning in it

it travels up my body, up to my throat
every moment i'm awake feels like i'm suffocating on it
at night i wake up thrashing, grasping at my throat, begging to be allowed room for air

it travels up my body, up to my head
every moment i'm awake feels like i spend it thinking about you
you take control of my thoughts, my feelings
you're like a parasite i can't get rid of

my love for you will be the death of me.

i talk to the moon and stars every night
pretending it's you.

i wonder if you can hear me,
even if its a tiny whisper of the wind

i wonder if you know when im thinking of you,
even if its just a small suspicion in the back of your mind

i wonder if you still think of me, and all the fun we had,
even if it's just for a second.

they bullied you and called you names? poor little thing, i know you were only trying to play with them. im sorry dear, how about we take you a bath and braid your hair? you and me can play together after that, it’ll be much better than playing with them. it’ll be alright, darling, dont worry. i’ll make all your little cuts and scrapes better in a moment. please dont cry im sorry, i didnt mean to press down on your bruise.

wait here, let me get band aids.

go rot in your room, child.
mommy doesnt love you.
go on, lock the door and never come back out.
play with your crayons little girl, draw that monster in your closet.
oh? whats this? the monster's beginning to look a lot like you.
go to bed, its starting to get late.
dont sleep with the lights on, mommy'll get mad.
but if you turn them off, the he'll get you.
he'll come into your room at night, like he always does.
the real monster. the one that touches you in weird ways.
you're living a nightmare.
you cant get away from him, he says he'll hurt you.
mommy doesnt care, she never has.
go play on the roof and fall off, little girl.
maybe then you'll be able to sleep without worrying about monsters.
maybe then mommy'll care about you.
just one more step, little girl.
now jump.

goodnight.