I am addicted to these sleepless nights, the ones where heart and mind are in a state of perpetual flight.
Hooked on these panic attacks that have plagued me every second since the day you left.
I have track marks from the harsh drugs that are your words, the ones you inject into my veins when all you want is for me to feel pain...
...and I have nothing to say for myself other than
I am an addict.

You broke the rules
The one about not leaving when we're upset, the one you NEVER let me break.
And not just in a small way, like when I would go walk around the block, you LEFT left. Took all that was ours, packed it up and left.
Our rules never applied to you anyways. You made them, therefore you could break them.

Why am I breaking my back for this,
mistaking "good" days for progress?
Why am I killing myself for you,
when you couldnt care less?
Why do I choose all of this stress,
just to feel your breath on my neck...



          ...your skin on my skin...

              
                                         ...hear your voice in my head...

...your hand in my hand?

Why have I done this again and again?
Cant we just pretend this doesnt hurt and mend?
Why am I still running around like this,
acting like I still have something to prove?


                                           ?

I Love You.

Show me the road to go home
where the joy is great and the love is vast.
show me the times spent living in the past
it was time wasted, i shouldve realized that.
Everything I will ever need
has always been right here in front of me.
Show me the path to travel
when im old and grey and about to unravel.
Give me love like never before
shower me with hugs and kisses from those i adore.
let me feel the sun beat down on my back
before its too late, and i cant look back.
show me the road to go home.

When I was younger and with you, you always had a tune stuck in your head. 
All day like a busy bee you would work and sing and play with me. 
And when evening came, out on the dock, it was no surprise the tune had not stopped. It seemed like all day, and all night you hummed that tune so sweet and bright and when the dawn did bring her light you woke with song not far behind.

Today was a hard day. I spent most of it thinking about what you left back here on earth and if you miss it a much as we, as much as I miss you.
It took most of all I had just to make it through today.
Sometimes, I have to say, that I still hope and pray that you'll come back to me even if its just a dream. I'd give almost anything to sit in your living room and talk about the future or go out and sit on the dock and just fish until the sun went down, but those were the good days.
Sometimes I think that it's not fair that God chose you to be by his side, other days I find that alright.
Most days though I wonder if you're proud of me and the choices I've made, some of them I know you wouldn't be but most the time I can see you sitting there telling me how proud you are of me, and that, my friend, is what keeps me going on hard days like today.

My life is the sand in an hourglass
Slowly falling down into the bottomless abyss
Waiting for my time to break free of the imprisonment
Ive been forced into.
My life has been twisted and manipulated to the point
That I have been forced into submission
And I am no longer my own being but a
Creation formed from somebody elses mold
My life is a lie, a story that has been
Passed down from generation to generation without
Any hesitation at all and I once again start
To fall through the hourglass.