there's circles written around my eyes
people see it as something for them to solve,
like a riddle they can't even read.
but the clearer they see, the less they like.

they tell me i'm too much too handle,
they leave when they tell me i snap too easy
they leave when they realize they can't play with my head
they leave when i don't change my ways

and all i have to say is
i live for myself, not you.
so their defensive minds deem it selfish
they leave

strawberry. we're red, we're orange.
a mixture of a flame, but its nothing important
she breaks me open,
it's not anything for love
now she has all the fire.
And I am colorless

my best friends
subtweet me
it's time to find
New best friends

in the morning my blood is cold,
there's chips of ice crawling around my heart
And it paralyzes me.
my mind has control over my body.
it's hard to breathe like this.

I'm so cold I'm shaking.
my lips are blue and
My skin has frostbite all over,
But I'm the only that can see the damage

I get looks of pity
when I try to claw out of my body,
I sliced through my legs and arms
I tried to make an escape

there's a war inside of me that I can't seem to appreciate
please please please, leave me be.

some people hear songs
and they feel like they've already heard it
He said they all had the same melody,
The beat is a recurrence in all the songs

Every single one of them feel the same.
He said he's searching,
But he said he's done.
You see, he's stopped,
And he's settled for
a song that's at a faster pace
But still the same.

she goes down on me,
my body flows with ecstasy,
i am so high,
but when shes done
she brings me down

he told me i tasted like the sunrise,
my lips told a story of a new beginning.
but the last time i saw him
i felt as cold as the day we first met.
suddenly, my sunrise fell and
he told me i left a bitter taste in his mouth

he wrote about me
but never to me.
i fell for him,
but never in love,
i fell apart.
and he was the one
that tore me to pieces

sometimes in my omnipotent self, i will break and bruise the sky. colors start to pour out and i am happy, but this isn't me. i am out of control. i play in the sky without fear of consequence and steal the sun of its light. in these moments, i am flying and my insides are burning. i make a wish for this to never end. i am flying until i crash and become human again. humans are messy and i feel nothing but lost amongst the crowd. i search for myself in clouds of smoke and burning liquid and the reflection of his eyes. his troubled past and bad intentions makes me feel like maybe he can understand who i am and who i thought i was and the blurred line between the two, but we're leveling on different emotional states, and all i can be is an added number. time goes on and i become apart of the ****** up people that's been in his life. i forgot again. i forgot when I'm like this I only amount to a storm. and they keep telling me how violent my presence can be. so i close my eyes in prayer that i will open them to the sun i dread to see. sometimes i do, and we start all over again.

dont you wish you could do something right?
all you wanna do is have ***
with your friends
with strangers
remember when you used to have standards?
But now you just wanna feel something besides
the sadness weighing you down
that makes you feel like
showering in the morning is an accomplishment
bonus points if you actually wash your hair

how well can you be doing?
all you think about is killing yourself.
you think about it all the time
when you shower in the morning and when you go to sleep at night
you think about suicide when you're having *** and
wonder if anything will ever feel right.

And you tell everyone everything is ever great ever green.
how are you still breathing?

she keeps her head between my legs
And I scratch my nails across her back
she tells me I'm made of candy when we're like this
But all the time I'm a bitter drink that can't be stomached.
She says she'll **** me because I'm emotionally capable
its my treat for being an absolute head case.
Because when I walk through I am quiet
So quiet you almost don't notice your heart on the ground.

don't act like you didn't have your eyes glued to me
we were sharing a cigarette and making fun of our past
talking about her without speaking a name,
and i could tell you were falling apart trying not to fall in love.
she's such a terrible person,
does it make me better if i'm really apart of her plan?

how do i go anywhere
when i'm stuck
in the tide of the current
struggling in the deep end?
how do i go anywhere
when i'm addicted to
the pain the scratches at me
and drags me back in?

.
did you trick yourself into an illusion,
that popping pills and getting high
Is a sure fire way to make memories?
You're not euphoric anymore when you take them,
You're not any thing anymore all the time
and you honestly can't remember a thing.
You're strung out and you talk too much.
The bags under your eyes are a gracious touch

You're bragging about feeling amazing but
When was the last time
You felt alive?

im a violent downpour
And the sound of my voice is a lure
I'll invite you in,
so I can mess with your mind,
Because I'm tired of what's on mine
I'm damaged and damaging all at once

I'll uproot your home
And your family will always ask what happened
in the debris, you'll search for an answer.

A melody will still play in the wind,
And the sounds that run around will stick in your head
You'll wonder how you ended up with no love in your heart.

You'll wonder for years if you're ever going to recover
It's not smart to stay outside in the middle of a hurricane.
But you'll stay forever because you think you love the chaos.

i spent my entire life trying to run from myself,
but these days it's so hard to find myself.
i am out of my head,
becoming a blanket of red.
i am surrounded my caution tape.
and i can't distinguish love or hate

for now i'm high and flying well
it's only a matter of time before i walk through hell

my fingers bleed after touching your skin.
you are made of razor blades,
but i keep coming back for more
your talk is made of cloudy nights
and i drive without headlights.

claim to be open to things
claim to be accepting of difference
claim to be radiating of love and hope
and then show hate at this first chance you get

Lately. It's been easier to keep things to myself.
I don't want your advice.
All I wanted to do was vent
It's so much easier if I don't speak
So I won't have to answer your questions.

Oh no I'm getting too obsessive
He's not even "into me"
He's such a good guy,
I should try to talk to him everyday.
Okay. No. You're lucky you're friends.
This other boy likes this singer I like
It's enough to empty my mind,
Nails into the mattress ..
The way he keeeps digging his way back into my conscience,
he doesnt think about me like this.
I can choose another drink,
This boy in the Nike grey sweats at the gym,
He can help me forget that
this boy is everything I need.

Definitely shouldn't get caught up.

I can't erase the summer I spent,
Where I knew I'd be left behind.
My mind was up for rent,
memories stuck. played on rewind.

sometimes I'm reminded of how You did.
you apologized, anD you cried.
It doesn't compensate for the nights I laid
Face down in a pillow for days, no one on my side.

maybe I get it.
But I don't. All that it was I was ignored
And I think about when we sat in the parkinglot.
And I felt angry at you for crying.

You knew you were ******.
You didn't know I was on the verge.

Someday you'll understand

water is gasoline
and i'm steady drinking it.

my necklace is noose,
i'm waiting to slip.

my bracelets as razors,
pressed up against me.

cigarettes as car exhaust
when i watch it fill the dead air,
i breathe deeper.

and i stop all together.
there was something about
feeling close to death.

i search for that feeling on the edge of tall buildings.

and i'm always on the edge.

I'm tired and I can't figure out why.
it could be because i went 48 hours without closing my eyes.
but i still feel the same, just delirious, i still feel the same
i'm trying to shut my brain down,
it's all because i'm sick of the bags under my eyes
from feeling unalive.
i spent all day crying,
only to learn that these thoughts are always going to go unnoticed.

i wonder if i would have made it in this site,
if the "request to join" button was always there.
my form of poetry is different,
it's reassurance to have a community outlet
with the option of keeping anonymous.

i wonder what the administrators idea of a worthy poem is
and how they rate it to let people in

condensation on my window
Talks to me. On a 12 hour drive.
It tells me to just. Let. Go.
I forget how I used to survive

happiness is buried beneath the dirt
but please stop. I'm already tired
From digging 20 yards into the earth.
Know I'm a mess, and know I tried.

You see. Each time I wash my hands,
each time I try to start new.
It's a revenge, gifted from the lands.
i began with my intentions true.

some nights i lose meaning to my heart beat.
like the days they remember I'm too insane
and over my effort they pave layers of concrete
i reset my goals. And I let go. And obtain.

I build a mountain.
And I reach up high.
I feel the spark inside my brain.
And happiness can't lie?

Can it?
I feel eyes again. As I fall.
Here we are again. I reset.

My lips are to the paper.
I inhale and exhale tiny coughs.

For a moment, I'm a gypsy.
but I stand still.
I stop myself from moving from where I am
Because I'm happy,
My surroundings become stale.

I press the pen to the paper
I breathe in shaky breaths,
And wonder why
My head feels so loose.
I wonder how
I can act like I feel so alive,
And feel absolutely nothing.

I stop myself from thinking
By pressing my lips against a bottle sometimes
I need the sadness just to know I'm alive.

the girl next to me is talking.
she says her happiness goes down with the temperature
everyone else repeats these words like a forged signature.
but hot air never stopped my shivering.
for me, it comes without a warning sign.

I'll be waiting years from now for that explanation
But I won't wait around in a standstill for it.
You'll depict me as crazy for trying to reach out,
Probably define me as toxic if anyone asks.

I am awful, I won't lie.
I've been so tired of the way people treat me lately.
I've been so tired of only getting by.

this is such a scatter.
And the way your mind works is to think
Everything's about you.
But you never reached out.
You never questioned
Or asked for an explanation.


Can't say that I'll lose sleep over this

I'm here and I'm very much alive,
and so I'll strive,
but you know what else?
i'm gonna just live.

I will individually message you
So you'll understand
Why he's my oppressor

I just pray they understand

She brought me speckles of light in her hair
And she made highlighted the best aspects of my mind
Her name is Night and she keeps me awake and aware.
I just can't get enough of her, she's so quiet and kind.

I thought of her as pretty selfish to play with my head like this.
She blames it on my brain hoping I'll dismiss
The awful things she puts me through.
But I fall for it each time we lay.

She so gentle, but sometimes her touch is cold.
She makes her way under my clothes,
Distorted hours, her face is stone
But I welcome it

Her name is Night and she keeps her visits
But she'll leave me breathless when
Day scratches

I have hope that love will conquer.
This is not something I can just let go of.
Don't tell me to keep quiet
If You didn't watch your minority friends cry of fear
If you didn't break down because you suddenly felt scared
It's only a grain of hope, so I'll build a mountain.

I couldn't care less about your political party,
I care that you don't see another human as human,
I care you stand with someone who believes love can be directed by electric shocks to the head
I care that you support someone who openly took the KKKs support,
And the supporters burned down a POCs church.

I don't care what party you stand for,
But it worries me that you could possibly talk good of someone that
Is being tried for sexually assaulting women and children.
How could you want these actions to represent you?
Why do you want this to be more normalized in our society?
Why do you want religion to be restricted to just what you believe?

This is blind support built with a foundation of love for hate.

The only progression that's been catapulted is hate
My eyes are as tired but my soul can't rest,
More than half of my country is represented by someone with beliefs from times more repressed
This is not what I want to be represented by.

My stomach is twisted and I need explanations.
This isn't love. This is fear. This solves nothing.
The air around me is too thick to breathe,
And I'm disgusted by this celebration around me.
You stand for someone who openly promotes violence.

This is not what I stand for.

my glass puzzle is coming together
I can't help but want to get it over
But this isn't something that can rushed
My hands are already bleeding from all this being forced

The pieces of the pieces have pieces
Oh no, I've still got a long way to go
we have to know the lesson life has to teach us
For now, I'm at a steady pace, and I'm trying not to let go

Another word thrown around.
You never know crazy until you watch
Someone you love fall off the deep end
Or when you go too.

Crazy.  Is so romanticized these days
But I can't claim the word.
It stings and pierces my skin.
I can't help but think back to those nights...

It's okay, it's all fun and games to them
And another laugh

My fingertips traced over hip bones
Around in circles right back to my own
I couldn't figure out why I kept coming back to me
each day spent in attempt to break yesterday's pattern left

The nights were spent running down brick roads
Climbing buildings with barbwire on ladders
And by 3 AM I was half naked in the kitchen, completely breathless.

For the past four years you've been on my mind everyday
"Can you believe how beautiful the stars look tonight?" He's so warm, his hands shake.
but this love is misplaced
I never needed you to fall in love,
I only needed myself

Sometimes a good thing has to be let go,
I'm afraid if I do, I'll fall below
It's hard to believe better things are gonna show
After living through hell & way down low

Heavy eyes, white knuckles
Passing scents, leaving behind vanilla and honey suckle
I'm not where I'm supposed to end up
So if I fall while I'll climbing, maybe it's all in good luck

Better things to come, better me
Now I have to try to leave.

Your skin
Could use lotion.

That the universe will snap in two
The explosion of the sun is going to set us on fire
And the sky will take a different hue
Our atmosphere destroy the innocent and the liar
But for now all that I want and all that I need,
Is your breath against my neck
and your arms around me

Stay up for a good few hours just to talk
Smoke cigarettes and wonder if you even remember me the next day
Or am I like that girl in your phone that sent you a text
And you closed your eyes and tried your best
But nothing came to you.
Is this all the same to you?
Either way, your past didn't give you depth.
its way too easy for me to forget you.

Mop head brown hair at a coffee shop,
He talks about his crazy girlfriend
But she has a reason for her trust issues.
He tells me I'll be the one that got away
He's here one moment and the next hes there

Barely made it back to earth.
I'm just here for the lies that leave his lips.
heavy cigarette smoke and holes in his forearm.
Im hoping this is all where it ends.

We are bigger than ourselves,
Bigger than this town.
I couldn't find a single business sign
that was completely lit up.
But theres blue lights all around, constantly.
The kids go to college in hopes of someday leaving,
some kids grow their roots right where they are.

I am so much bigger than my bones,
and I'm trying to burn my roots,
so if you see me go up in flames,
just know that i will be okay

when people move,
it's like watching them be controlled by an invisible thread
always so afraid that if they're a little too nice,
somethings going to snap.

so, everyone seems to have everything to loose
except for those who sleep without a bed
they shut their eyes in alley ways with a high price
those are the people who seem to move without a map

i'm just searching for someone who will show me
how to make the pain stop in my head
teach me the way to move to cut my string
it feels like control, and i need to be free

but the struggle is that every thing is closed.

if i told you to call me when you understand what's going on in my head,
i'd never hear the phone  ring again,
and i would never hear your voice.

and some nights i think it's better than way.

there's so much ignorance surrounding me.
these people are drowsy with hate
they're sleepwalking and they think they're awake.
the worse part is when i try to show them
their way isn't the only way,
the flames burn deeper.

I'm tired.
of trying to encourage love instead.
it's beginning to feel like the blind leading the blind,
and i'm so **** tired.

my skin is the fabric the world unwinds
I have late night drives
I have early mornings just trying to survive
everyone now deserves to be diagnosed.
mothers cringe at therapist, at doctors, at the money
the jail time for stolen needles
to stitch the rips.

if you tell someone that they have no right to complain
eventually you won't hear it anymore
they lock it away and become scared to speak
in fear of their own selfishness devouring them
resulting in another hidden face.

people stop crying in front of others
people stop feeling in front of others

people stop feeling anything at all.

to all the fathers that loved their daughters
and hugged their sons close
to all the mothers that did their best
and provided the life they never had

there is a type of love that the world needs,
stitched in in the skins of your children.
maybe the world can just learn to
feel again.

it's supposed to be that way
everything needs to feel hopeless
you have to break a few times
and absolutely need to feel terrible,
worse than you've ever felt,
before you can be strong.

it's a game called life
and it's supposed to be cold
and you have to search
before you can find your warmth

force yourself to fall in love with me
and we could pretend that we are in love tonight.
just for tonight,
because when the sun hits the window sill,
and when you have to be gone again...
I'll be on my way.
I'll return the parts of you that completed me,
the dancing, the neck kissing, the days before....
and if we're lucky,
we'll never see each other again.