I'm scared you're going to slip away
Like water through the cracks of my façade
As I cling to you desperately, irrelevently.
I need you to live,
But as we slowly forget that each other matter,
Too preoccupied with what's in our lives and minds,
Maybe it will be too late.
All the water will be gone.
And I will look back and regret,
Thirsty for something I had.

I'm sorry I was and am never there enough for you.

Dear,
How far would you go
To save the one you love?

I'm sorry that things have to be this way
That you have to feel this way,
But I will never be sorry for falling in love.
My mind is captured by all of you
And you are the on that my heart sings true.
Never will you be forgotten, only cherished,
Never to perish from all my thoughts and dreams.
I know you are the only one for me,
You are my cup of tea.
So don't you tell me to find "true love"
Because I've already found it,
It's you.

But maybe I'm not your morning dove.
If so,
I forgive you.
Maybe I wasn't enough,
That I was too tough to deal with.
Just remember,
You will haunt my heart forever,
And I will never forget
My one true love.

"You're a mess, creep."*

Is it true?
Have you seen through my facade?
Can you tell I've been lying
And that I'm falling apart?

You were my prized possession.
I shone you around,
polished you,
shoved you into everyone's faces
told them all about you.

But you failed me.

Now I must put you away in shame,
you are nothing now.
I'm an ashamed widow.

Ignore the demons.
Remember that you did well,
Tell the demons to shut up.
You'rekayyou'reokayyou'reokay
Don't let anyone see you like this.
Plaster that smile
Be "happy."
Let the tears and blood fall in the showers
Let the freezing water mix with your warm tears,
Let the demons out of their cage.
Cause I'm not okay, I promise.
You couldve done better. Put more effort.
Stay up late. Study more.
Do so much more...
You're an idiot how did you even get into one of the schools?
Hah must have been a pity letter.
I ****.
I should've done better.
I could've done better.
That school? Seriously?
What are you, stupid?
Why, in fact I am.
My brain is mush and I didn't try hard enough to mold that stupid ******* into something comprehendable and usable.
Ishouldhaveishouldhaveishouldhave
****...
You are terrible and unusuable,
Nothing to those school,
Youre a ******* stupid ******* who is nothing.
Nothing worth looking at or inviting to a school.
A lil *******.

Go join the other pieces of **** over there,
Yeah?

I shouldn't care, but I do.
And I guess that's what hurts most...
I'm spinning around in circles
And I feel like that circle ends in walls
And I keep falling down and collapsing in agony and pain and misery
As I feel around for something to pull myself up on
I can't i can't I can't find anything
And I've given up,
I'm just gonna lay here on the floor
And stare at the ceiling.

We were all together once.
A wall of friends, ready to help each other
to slay and protect.
The Fab Five/The Passionate Pentagon...
The Dark Side.
What happened to us?
What we once were,
we are no more,
and we look back at the Dark Side
like the same way we reminisce old memories-
but we are not old memories.
We will always be the Fab Five,
The Dark Side.
We are tied together
by bonds unseen but there.

But yet we are all reaching out,
stretching our flimsy arms to everyone around us
people who never were a part of us,
longing to be held and heard-
to not be forgotten.

There is no need for that.
I promise you,
you are not forgotten, and never will be.
So maybe...maybe let's try again, eh?
Let's get the old gang together
remember we exist to each other,
take away all the walls built up between the bonds,
all the anguish squished in between us,
and let's
Reunite.

Whatever happened to all of us?

It's a cycle, is it not?
When everything is going perfect for you,
A wall in your perfect castle will fall,
And you will rebuild it.
Maybe another will fall while you buid,
So you build that one.
And then maybe another,
So you build and build and build
Until the castle is whole again.
And then they will fall.

To A STRANGER

by: Walt Whitman (1819-1892)

ASSING stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me as of a dream,)
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,
You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become not yours only nor left my body mine only,
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass, you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,
I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone,
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

At first it was just a caress.
He stroked my throat as I shivered.
His hand came closer,
His fingers reaching further.
And before I knew it
His whole hand palmed my neck.
It was light at first,
Like a scarf, warm and pleasant.
It grew tighter,
And tighter,
And now its too tight,
Wound like a boa constrictor around my neck,
It tightens each day.
Too hot, too much pressure, those sweaty palms clamping down like jaws...
I'm starting to lose conciousness,
Starting to fade and to give in,
To drown in obscurity...

Help...
I need clarity...

Don't think too much.
Do think.
Just not too much.
You're gonna drive yourself nuts.
Just *do.

I always joked about getting run over by a car.
I didn't really mean for it to happen.
So when you got hit by a car who
Couldn't ******* stop at a red light,
I died a little bit as well.
You didn't know it,
But I sat on your shoulder and watched your days go by,
Helping,
Watching,
There.

When you got hit,
I got hit too.
We are in this together.

The sun stayed out for a little while longer today,
It decided to check on all the peeps.
It yawned a great big yawn and peered out from behind the curtains of clouds,
Glaring at us all.
Even with that mighty glare,
People stared at its beauty,
Blinded by it, even,
Its looks burning onto their skin.
And they rejoiced.

For so long it had hid, and now it was out again,
Everyone was able to see her majesty
To admire her beauty and to bathe in
Her radiance.
She will beat down on everyone,
Be merciless with her immense love,
And then hide again.
But people will miss her harsh tactics.
She will be loved.

It bloomed like a bruise,
all the pain, hate built up,
but soon enough the colors sprouted out
and burst with
blues and greens and yellows and purples
and then slowly faded away...

My heads were in the clouds
     as I stumbled out of the car,
          and fell onto my knees,
               scrambling to get to you
                    as quickly as possible.
                         But I guess you will always fall
                              to the ground and hurt yourself

                                                                                      when you try.

I wonder if we will ever learn our lesson.
We keep trying and trying,
all in vain,
always hurting ourselves...
I guess we are all masochistic in that way.

The prize,
if we try, and after all that hard work,
if it works,
the prize is too tempting to not try.

But you are more important than me.

They are fighting again.
Two lovebirds stuck in a cage,
Pretending to be lovebirds,
But are really ravens painted lovely colors.
They put on a show when their owners watch,
Chirping happily,
Flittingly loving.
But turn your back for one second,
And they will screech, quarrel,
Claw each others throats out.
And they think we don't know.

Last night,
I dreamt of you.
For the first time,
It was so real...
You were there to comfort me,
As we just lay in bed,
Watching tv
Kissing,
Snuggling,
healing.

When I woke up,
You weren't there,
And reality ran me over with a truck,
And I realized it will only be
*just a dream.

I guess maybe,
It's the pain of yesterday
That reminds me that I have you
Today and tomorrow.

Winter's days have become one,
Mashed together to form one dreadful night,
As my eyes become bloodshot, another gulp of pungent whiskey.
On this night when the moon's luminance reveals itself through a sheet of blank clouds,
And I'm left confined in the purgatory of a lonely bedroom, Whose once blue walls have all but burnt to black,
As they seem to broaden to maximize my desolation.
I question my existence.
I question my sanity.
I question when I will see the sun again.
For the moon may be the only soul who is as lonely as I.

But the moon seeks solace in himself,
And does not comfort me as the way you once did,
On these drunken nights where the enemy was the bottom of a fifth of Jack Daniel’s.
What took away my everything,
Was the only thing that could aid me in my resurrection.
So now I lay here,
Alone.
Questioning everything,
Scrambling to fix all that's been broken,
Building these deplorable ramshackle buildings on top of broken rubble,
With shards of glass and stinging tears as they mix with the blood on my hands,
But that doesn't matter, does it?
It will crumble, no matter how many times I try over and over again to rebuild.
This idiotic tower of sanity.
Why not just lay in this defeat?
And accept the harrowing fate that failure is upon me.
Let myself reek with self pity.
And drench myself with vomits of slurred words like,
"I miss you, I love you."

In my melancholy rage,
I'll take what is left of my body out into the cold,
In attempt to feel something real again as I dance with frozen tears in the numbing blanket of snow,
Convincing myself you will soon join me as I glare up at a flavorless, charcoal sky,
Cursing the bland stars who don't comfort the moon like they once did,
As I throw up the final chunks of the parts of my body that were still alive.

I watch in horror in front of me as they crawl out,
Like spiders as they trickle into the night with eyes wide.
For now I'm stuck here,
Glancing around for help that will never come,
Trying desperately to gather pieces of a broken puzzle with weak hands and shaking fingers.
So now, I lay here.
Bare.
On the ground.
Everything splayed out for the world to step on and see.
All my mysteries drawn out,
All the secrets are no more,
All my thoughts, read like a book.
And as my insides spill and leak out further and further from my abdomen,
The crimson splurges and spits out.
So I clench my last hope,
The few drops left of honey whiskey in a bottle,
And I close my eyes,
For one last time.

But it's the favoritism that kills.
When your loved one is hurt,
what's most important?
That he learns to stand up for himself,
Or that he is avenged and is treated fairly?

I'll smile,
But just you wait,
When I get home
The demons that clawed in my chest all day,
Hidden monsters,
I release them and let them come out and play,
Though of course,
The only toy they have to play with is my mind.

We are more alike then you can ever imagine
But the thing with you and me,
The thing that seperates us
Is that I hide.
You show.

Your beauty, you radiate it in every smile,
Every wink to all the guys.
You've got beauty, power, and magic
At your finger tips
And you know it.
You use it for everything you want,
A queen.

My beauty, it's hidden under layers of hate,
With every rude comment thrown at everyone,
I've got hurt, pain, and *******'s
To give away like leaves on a tree in fall
And I know this.
I use it for everything I want,
A pitiful *****.

The thing about you and me,
I can be you easily,
And you can be me,
But I,
Understand this,
*I give no ***** what people think about me.

Can I be your tombstone?
Please let me announce to the world
How wonderful you were
Tell everyone about you,

And to stay by your side always.

I might be trapped in this cupboard,
But my mind and soul wanders on its own.
They don't need legs,
Or wings,
To go anywhere it pleases.

They flew away from me yesterday
To visit you and show you my love,
To take a tour through San Francisco
With its winding slopes,
Where the mountains meet the bay.
They swam over to London,
Go spotting for Banksy artworks,
Skipped down to Russia swigging
Down that ***** halfway there to
Wash away all attachements.

But I guess the ***** wasn't enough
Cause I'm still here.

You'd think two broken ppl... meeting in the middle of the night... that they would fix each other.
But maybe ones more whole than the other, and the broken one drags him down with her, showing him how broken she is, breaking him, until they lay on the ground, both broken.
And as she lays there on the floor, realizing what's she's done, she'll burn to ashes in fiery tears.
The wind will blow away the ashes, leaving just the broken boy. And someone will come along, someone whole... and pick those broken pieces of the boy up, and fix him.
But ashes never leave. They mark the broken pieces with its dark color...

Because when the one you love,
The one that's most important in your life
Is taken away,
Ripped to shreds,
And given back to you,
You will first help sew him back together.

Then you torture whom did this to him.
And ****** them.
Slowly.

The remedy to a tough day,
The antibiotics,
The ointment
To sooth away all my pains
Is you.

I had a friend...

She would keep a smile on everywhere she went,
always cheerful,
always a glimmer in her eyes,
full on happy.

She helped everyone she saw,
she was a friend to most,
friendly, outgoing, kind.

One day,
she left.
The flowers began to droop,
the clouds darkened overhead,
the tears falling.
The sky began to cry and lament for her,
the children she once greeted out on the streets,
they too left,
hidden away in little cupboards
the smiles she used to give and receive,
ripped off of faces
and replaced with agony.

Maybe it was because
what we all thought was right,
maybe it wasn't alright.

We've been circling around ourselves
and not others.
Forgetting about her when she needed someone most.
"Do unto others what you want someone to do unto you"
A lie.
She waited.
She hoped.
She smiled and hoped everyone,
yearning for someone to help her back.

No once came.

No one cared to ask,
"How are you really?"
Even as she stood expectedly, waiting to burst in grief and tears,
just wanting to be held.

But the only one that matters most is you, right?
Hah.

i dont usually write from the heart,
its too dangerous down there,
so i write from my head.
ill try to write from my heart today though,
Try.
For you.

There was a movie i once watched.
Taken 2, i think it was.
In the movie, the woman had her throat slit,
And she herself was hung upside down
To let all the blood flow out of her neck.
She soon lost conciousness,
A pool of blood by her head on the ground.
I imagine what i feel right now is this.
This hurt and aching of sanity leaking out onto the floor
All because im missing you.
It hurts... And its a deep aching that can only be replenished with you.

Now, back to real time and reality...
Yesterday i went to the temple to pray for new years.
For the first time,
I didnt pray for myself.
I prayed hard and long for you.
I want you to be happy and well,
Which will make me happy,
Which begins a complicated cycle of joy.

I dont know why i began this **** poem thing this way,
But id like you to know
That you are much more than enough.
Your strong arms and words-my home.
Your voice-music to soothe me, get my heart thumping again.
You-my everything.
You have helped me when i thought nothing was worth it anymore,
That caring will only lead to hurt,
When it was dark in the night and in my mind,
No one was there.
But u came,
My knight in shining armor.
You rode in with a BANG
Knocked down all my doors.
Showed me the light outside of my dark ashen house.

And with that,
I let you drag me out.
Remind me how to love, to live.
Thank you for that.
Ill try to shove you away,
Lie to you,
Fight u,
But you still stuck by me.
Thanks... It means more than you know.
And...
I love you more than anything.
Nothing i say will show u how much i love you or how much u mean to me... For that i am sorry.... I can only do this in actions.

The only difference between me and you is
That you'll be able to move on
And I won't.

Your name fits so well in my mouth,
I can roll it around,
Like a ball,
Fling it across,
Catch it.

The pursing of swollen lips,
Just to whisper your name in agony
And yearning,
It feels so
right.
Like it's meant to be said.
To be heard.
To be known.

What is it like,
To be a star shining bright
In the dark sky?
Alone, but not really,
All the other stars shining with you,
But not really.

How does it feel to be admired by all,
Treasured by all?
To have stories told about you,
Admirers, refenced always in poems.
How does it feel?

In the darkness,
You are illuminated,
But when day comes,
You disappear,
Camouflaged by the light,
But not really.

You'll always be there,
To remind me.
But not really.

Sometimes,
It's best to leave things unanswered.
Unknown.

What you know could hurt you...
I wish I could have known that sooner.

What's it like to live?

I've been dead for so long,
I've completely forgotten the sensation.

Since when does
Someone's looks
And physical and ****** appearance
Matter?

As long as your nice,
Understanding,
Basically have a beautiful soul
Now that's,
That's what matters most.

Some people
Just aren't worth a poem,
Or a thought.

How can I show you
How much you mean to me
When all I can do is
tell you?

Know that,
If he were to ever hurt you
In anyway,
I will be there.

I will be there to hold you,
As you cry,
To bring you tubs of ice cream,
Studio ghibli movies,
*****,
And tissues.
To whisper to you
That he was an ******* anyways,
That you will always deserve better,
The best.

I will be there,
To mercilessly ****** him,
To slit his throat,
Let the blood flow out,
Let him experience your pain.

Just know that.

Love is not caring that
You miss them so much it physically hurts,
That it's agony,
But rather,
Hoping so much that it hurts,
That they are doing well,
And they are
*happy.

You're worth more than a poem.
But for now,
I'll try my best to make this much more than just a poem:
but a message from me.

What you don't know is,
every time she feels down, she rereads all your kind words.
When she's bored, you're not on,
she rereads them.
She spends all her time thinking about you.
She cherishes you,
You're the best she ever had.

She takes everything about you,
devours them, slowly savoring all the good bits (which is everything),
and then keeps them tattooed all over me,
never to be removed.
Each and every letter, engrained onto me with a flourish,
a kiss,
trailing her hands behind, stroking the way the gorgeous letters look
all aligned together to make such beautiful sentences.

Her eyes trail every word,
her hands caress the wonder machine that brought her you,
her ears thrumming with the sounds of you,
the music notes floating into her ears,
the way water flows,
for you are better than just any ordinary ocean.

You may call her an ocean,
but you are more than that.
The ocean only takes up 75% of Earth.
You are much more.
You are her sky,
her universe.

You hold the stars in your heart,
twinkling like little rubies.
Just like the moon and the sun,
you see everything.
The clouds are your façade,
and the rain,
your tears.
Beautiful.

And all she wants to be is the satellite,
to explore you and learn everything about you,
to always circle around and around,
to never leave.

I know you won't break me,
or her.
And for that,
I am forever in your debt.
So come to me when you need me,
I will do anything to serve my prince.

With Great Love,
The Creep's Heart

The 14th of February.
La fête d'amoreux.
The one day that actually encourages
More public displays of affection.
Isn't there already enough?
Thanks for reminding me how lonely I was.

I used to despise Valentine's Day.
I still kind of do.
Mais, maintenant, ce n'est pas une grande problème.
Actually, I kinda look forward to it.
Gives me an excuse to be even more affectionate.

I understand now.
I understand the public displays of affection,
The loving way people stare at each other,
The dazed looks in people's eyes.
I understand.