Everything inside has been
Simmering,
Waiting,
Burning deeply
Just for today
And now finally,
It can erupt
Bringing springs into my steps,
Wider, real smiles,
A pleasant additude,
And everything sugar and spice.

But guess what?
I got rid of the chemical x and the spice,
so all I have is
The sweet, sweet, sugar!

It's been such a long time
Since I've actually felt
At ease.
To actually feel calm,
Relaxed,
And excited for what the day has to bring.
All I can do is smile,
And all I want to do is smile.
Mt heart finally landed on cloud nine again
After such a treacherous journey
Up in to the clouds,
It can finally sink into the soft
Whispy clouds,
And be held
And be at home.

What more can wishes do
But to state the obvious?

I cut myself open for you,
Let you look at all my disgusting insides,
Just don't leave me hanging,
Help me pack and clean everything up.

It's a murderer I swear,
It sneaks in
In the middle of the night,
And strikes upon
Vulnerable hearts
As we cry out
In tears and in vain
For it has already sunken its teeeth.

Thanks so much for bringing me so much joy,
So much sugar wrapped up in this little device
Called a phone.
Thank you for a million smiles,
For wiping away my tears,
For keeping up with all of my
*******.

Sorry I'm never enough,
But thank you all the same.

I don't want to hurt you.
But my instincts..
The claws I've kept hidden are coming out.
Its natural when you've been
Kicked around,
Hurt,
Stuck in the corner.

The figures round about
In and out of my mind
Like tendrils of smoke
Coiling in curls
Turning figures into question marks
That wrap around my fingers like rings
Which I wear and hold with pride.
The rings that shape me
And who I am today.

Don't say goodbye,
I haven't even gotten over hello yet...

Don't make me the big bad wolf,
blowing down all the houses,
just to get in.
All I wanted was to be there for you.
Not to break all the houses.
But,
I guess if I have to,
I will.

Let me in,
let me help.
I'll scare all the demons away,
I swear it.
I'll make sure that you
are happy,
and smiling.
Just please...
let me in.

I thought I had a friend.
It left me too.

We promised each other the world
As we clung to each other tightly,
Afraid that if we let go,
The other would crumble.

In the end,
I was the one who crumbled,
Not you.

Does five years mean nothing to you?
Five years,
Filled with crazy antics,
Bursts of laughter,
Tears from fears.

And now,
We are nothing.

I guess
I was the ******* in all of this.
Taking your insults
Like morsels of fulfillment.
Degrading me further and further,
But I took it all.
It was the only thing I knew how to.

I was forced away.
You moved on.
I stayed.
Still behind you, as always.
Waiting for the hurt to come,
But you left me.
And this is the most hurtful of all of the insults you've thrown at me.
I am nothing.

At least before,
I was something,
Someone worth thinking about to create spiteful ***** of words.
You threw insults like a game of baseball,
Pitching curveballs,
Speedballs,
Fastballs constantly,
Never stopping,
Inventing new ways to throw the baseball,
Each and everyone hitting me harder to the point that the bat did me no use anymore.
They just kept coming.
All I could do was stand and get hit,
Understand and take in everything you threw.
Harder,
Faster,
More
Each and every time.

Then others came around,
Rocking my world,
Showing me what love actually is,
Not all the **** you gave me,
I wouldn't let go.

Now I'm back.
I've caught up to you,
But you've turned your back to me,
And continued down your path.
Leaving me to stand alone at this fork in my road.

...
Guess I was the only one that cared those five years.
Guess it was all a game, huh?
...
I miss you.

No matter what you think
What you believe,
Know that I love you.
It rings true through the once empty
Corridors of my heart.
Even if the demons follow you around
Whispering lies into your hearts,
Even if I don't remind you,
Know that I DO.
I LOVE YOU.

He inhales,
The ghosts of death,
Little soldiers sent by Hades
To fight this battle,
They enter.
They'll climb through your lungs
Cling to them like leeches
And claw their way,
Inside out.
Eroding you from the inside,
Slashing back and forth,
Warriors.

He exhales,
And the injured leave,
Smoke curling around his trembling
Lips,
His face slack,
His lungs infected.
The soldiers prevailing,
Taking control.
He doesn't notice.
He'll stomp the cigarette on the ground,
**** the remaining soldiers left in that short little stub,
Exhale all the injured soldiers out,
Letting the smoke waft around his lips,
The way he let his soul spill out,
The frigid chilly air whisking it all away.

He's just a carcass now.
Half dead.
He doesn't have long left.
He's running out of time.

Because when the darkness falls
Everything dies,
All the laughter will dissipate,
The smiles will fade away,
And the warmth will dissolve.
All that is left to do
Is surrender to the darkness
That falls
Letting it carry us down to dream lands,
Where night fairies come out to play
And whisper secrets into our ears.
Sometimes they turn into demons,
hoarsely approaching and letting terror crawl into our
mouths and ears and eyes.

But sometimes we don't have to face the silence.
Not anymore.
We can stand tall,
Refuse the demons
As the ashen world is lit
With electricity.
It runs through the world,
A rushing wildfire,
Dying and bursting here and there like sparks of fire brightly illuminating our world.
We don't have to face the danger of the nights alone anymore,
For now we have the best sword yet-
Electricity.
And we'll smile and laugh,
Keep going deep into the night even as the danger calls outside our protective shield of electricity.

Make up your mind!
Do you want to cry
Or would you like to smile?
I prefer the smile,
It literally brightens up the whole day
And makes everyone happy.
We love it when you smile,
So please do.
Show us your love,
Don't hide behind the clouds,
We miss you...

If I close my eyes long enough
I can pretend you're right next to me
And everything is alright.

We're all liars.
We lied our way through the maze of suspicion and into hearts,
We forced our entry into each others minds,
Only to go,
Leaving only a kiss goodbye.
We're all falling,
One by one.
We will all fall together.
We will all lie.
We will charm ourselves into each others hearts,
Settle in there
Just to rip ourselves to shreds
And let the wind blow us away
With no explanation.

They say we're too young to love each other.
But that's not true,
What we have rings true
Through the empty corridors of our lonely hearts.
So when it hosts a ball
And no one comes,
Everyone gone away upon their own businesses,
It will understand.
Just come back.

I wonder if you noticed
My swollen eyes
Purple around the rims,
The yellow and blue
Blooms on my knuckles
Or the way I was quiet.
And when I did tell you,
You didn't care.
It was all normal.
You're used to all this
And have stopped asking why.

Please...
Try to pry me open.
Get to know me so you know
That I was in fact punching walls again
And bawling my eyes out,
Please wonder why.
No one cares.
...

Please
Someone
Please know me enough
Try to get to know me enough.
Enough to know that I'm lying.

It's all pouring out of me,
My soul,
****** out by the demons.
They've finally got me.
I've finally surrendered.
It'll be better now,
No?
You'll be happier,
I promise.

The things that I looked forward to,
The necessities in life,
The things that make it okay to live,
Gone.
The things keeping me alive,
They left me behind.
The ones still here,
Taken away.

I just want to fly,
But you've kept my wings clipped,
Sawing them off
Muscle by muscle,
Bone by bone,
Refusing to allow me to fly.
You've locked me in this cage,
Forced me to continue to
Sing all day and all night,
Never ending.
I just want to fly.

It reeked of
Rejection and failure
As the poor man walked into
The start of his end.

He hobbled in with the help of a cane,
Back bent over,
Breathe quick and labored.
Something was wrong.

No one accompanied him,
But loneliness and loss
Each one flanking either side,
Helping him continue his treacherous
Walk of peril down the courtyard.

All watched as the man continued.
No one helped him.
No one stopped the forthcoming.

For when he must utter his last words,
He will have nothing to say
For he has not lived enough to
Be able to say anything much,
He had but no one to bid adieu,
He was alone.

When his neck was placed down,
He didn't scream.
He didn't plead.
He lay still.
There was nothing left
In the scarring world for him to live for anyways.
And when he is decapitated,
No one will watch.
No one will care.
It will be silent.
He will be gone.

Is it selfish
To want all your attention and time
And to want to be fully and completely loved?
Hah.
Love me so well,
Be so good to me...
I'll get used to the good life and always want more and more.
The withdrawal hurts,
You were my addiction and now you're gone.

I miss you and this hurts.
It hurts so ******* much.
No matter how many talks I have with my friends,
Nor the reassurances that you still love me,
I am so unsure...
Like you're slipping away
And the deja vu occurs again and again
Where all my hurt is so present
And nothing I do works.
...
Behind that smile,
Are you really happy?

But what of the young girl
Confused and clear minded?
She'd all but given it her all
Gave the world all she had to give,
Conforming to society's
Ideals ,
Tried as she might,
But never enough.

Until she had enough.
She shattered the glass walls surrounding her,
Broke through amidst all the fumes
And the heartbreak,
Escaping into the sullen night.
Now she runs
Sprinting delicately through the dark,
Tendrils of light illuminating through her dashes
Never stopping for anyone or anything.
Nothing stops her,
Nor does she stop for anything.
She is all alone,
Taking comfort with the other shadows.
But that's all she needs
All she cares about.

Let nothing stop her
From loving
And daring to be
Herself.

Little ball of fury and sass,
The angry violent pacifist
That can always make me smile.
She's unforgettable, you see.
All giggly and adorable,
A fanatic of harry potter and shantanu puns,
She'll growl and come up with witty remarks,
Just as you burst out in a laugh.
And all the while,
Mouthpiece will strike out
And always be there behind the scenes,
Helping everyone out,
Keeping secrets.
She's our crazy, hella rad friend
The one that always makes us laugh in her aura of joy and pure energy,
And still hold all our burdens.

Only the giggles are exuberant
And the smiles spread wide.
She'll stand tall,
Somewhat indifferent,
Always there.
Too kind,
Always listening to us
Always there for us
As a friend,
As a shoulder to lean on,
Offering comfort all day
In boredom and in panic.
She'll always be around.

Until she won't.
And I swear,
When she's gone,
Gone too far,
Someone we never noticed before
Will suddenly come alife
As if a cannon strick us
And took away arms, legs,
And paralyzing us.
We'll finally realize,
But it'll be too late.

Because she held the stars in her palms
And played them out into constellations,
And finally put them to rest
In our eyes.
They will sparkle and twinkle,
Glimmer and glow
With a burst of fire
Wherever she goes.

We'll smile laugh
For she is the one
To care for us all
Amidst our dying gasps
She'll always be there
To bring life back to our souls.

Our dear mother,
The one that makes sure we don't do anything crazy,
But only the best fun,
Thank you for being there.

She tears up the pages,
Just as her eyes tear as well.
Everything she's done,
It means nothing.

But that's alright.
All the tears, all the anger,
It won't do anything.

So again and again,
She'll stand again.
Wipe away the tears,
And put on a Sasha-Fierce smile.

She'll grin and laugh all at the right times,
Tell us all those puns,
Making sure we are always laughing and smiling, and most inportantly,
Okay.
Even as she crumbles like a cookie,
Sweet and loveable.

But I swear to you,
There's too much to her,
No matter how many times we try to understand her,
She'll always slip away right when we think we got her.
Alone but in the most crowded room there is.
Metallica will play,
Children of Bodom swims around her mind,
Everything about her is its own music.

So distinct,
So catchy,
I don't think I'll ever be able to get it out of my head anytime soon.

You ripped my heart out of my hand just as I was about to give it to you.
It wasn't quite ready to be given away yet.

It was tired of being shoved around and hurt without a thought
Tired and forgotten, it lost its true meaning:
To love and be loved.

It loved and loved and loved,
It oozed it out.
Everyone took it for granted,
Always wanting more and more of the sticky ambrosia.
But it will never be enough, huh?
It will never be enough...

So they kept taking.
They gave nothing back,
Until all it was was a shriveled up thing that longed for love and affection,
Still guzzling out too much love
And always getting shoved around and bruised and cut and scarred.

But you came around.
You shoved everyone back
And saw how my heart was dying.
You gave it life again,
Loved it and gave it purpose.
Thank you.
...
I just hope I'm strong enough to do the same for you.

Come back home to me, baby.

The roses are whispering your name to the wind,
Murmurs of ladies in waiting to high dukes of the gardens.

The door whines with fervor
Anxiously awaiting your arrival,
My prince.

The sun is shining,
Waiting to look upon your beautiful face once more,
So beautiful that the sun watches and awaits your arrival everywhere you go,
For you are the most kind and pure and golden
Being it has seen walk on the Earth in all its days orbiting.

The house hums a quiet little melody,
An orchestra playing and preparing for your arrival,
Creaks
Clangs
Slams
Whines
Whistles.

Everyone is ready.

We just await you,
Your majesty,
My dear prince.

You see that cloud up there?
Yup, that nice fluffy one right there in the blue.
I am sitting on there,
Enjoying the view from above,
Literally floating on cloud nine,
Terrified I'm gonna fall,
Hoping the cloud will not disperse,
Or will turn stormy and hurt someone.

Swallow those tears.
Turn your face away.
Blame the allergies.
Smile.
Show some teeth.
Laugh.
Put away all the insecurities.
The thoughts the demons whisper in my ears.
The terrible heartache that claws at your chest when you think of him.
The urge to yell and scream,
To burst into tears and punch a wall.
To be mean to everyone.
To prove that you're a *****.
Just stop.
Smile.
You are fine.

Pretend.

Fake it till you make it, right?
:)





























































­





















no one cares anyways.
don't burden anyone.
don't let them come close and see the mess that you are.
you're gonna hurt them anyways.

I didn't get to choose to fall for you.
I just did.
And I accept all the consequences.
I'm sorry I'm weak.
That I couldn't be there for you.
That I'm an inconsiderate girlfriend.

I'm sorry.

I'm done with trying so hard in vain.
All my fruitless efforts-
it just hurts even more in the end.
Slashes to the chest,
blooming fireworks of blood,
draining all my life away.

God stared down at the Earth below him
and burst into tears.
"What happened?" he whispered.

Terry Pratchett died Thursday. He was a critically acclaimed British Fantasy Author, as well as an advocate for assisted suicide and Alzheimer's Disease. He himself was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2007, yet still continued to write, even after he was incapable of using a computer to write (he used a dictation machine afterwards). Before his death at the age of 66, he wrote the popular "Discworld" series consisting of four books, as well as one of my personal favorites, "The Wee Free Men." He was inspirational for me as a writer and he changed my view of writing. With his books, I found my writing style. There are no words to express my awe at his life and works, nor are there words to express my deep sadness in which I tell you that he has passed. May he rest in peace and reach a world even better than that of Discworld.

“There's always a story. It's all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything's got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky (Discworld, #32)
Well Mr. Pratchett, you've changed the story.

Take me away to San Francisco,
where everything and anything that happens in my dreams exist,
where my dreams can roam free like the tendril of the ocean,
and secret smiles are shared.
When only the mist from a warm cup of hot chocolate
will disturb my thoughts,
when I can be free again.

The bay and the mountains met and clasped hands,
stirring around the quaint houses
and trolley cars streaming up and down like kites in the sky.
Where cerulean met emerald,
they looked into each others eyes,
and promised life and love for each other.

Together they have survived the worst of it all,
standing strong even now,
their bodies humming and alive,
beating and there.
Where music moves like a silent poison everywhere,
people like pieces of art walking down the street,
and shops like little treasure chests.

Please carry me away,
back to San Francisco-
the place of my dreams.

Planes, trains, cars, ships
anything to get me to you.
If that doesn't work out,
I'll walk and swim all the way to you.
If that isn't enough,

I'm content with going to you
*in my mind.

Fairy tales never end.
Everyone just lives
"happily ever after,"
guess that
that means
we do too?