I went to jail once,
I learned a lonely kind of pain.
Staring at a wall, utterly helpless.
Got out and
fell asleep on my best friend's couch.
Spent the next day pretty Ok.

I don't remember that night,
the night 5 guys jumped me.
I don't know what I said.
No one told me why they did it.
I remember crying and smelling like blood.
I remember EMT's looking at me.
I was watching a different life from behind my eyes.

I spent that next day laying by the lake.
No phone and no ride home.
a black eye in place of memories.
Everything hurt,
Falling asleep in the back of that truck.

Next day, I woke up a little better.
I drove the six hours home.
Bought my own birthday cake.
Told my mom,
"I got too reckless at boxing practice".
I pray she believed me.

This was my lost weekend.

No, you're wrong.

Everyone is as beautiful
as they can possibly be

Particularly at lunch
in a laughing restaurant

Everyone is as beautiful
as they can possibly be

And they are moved
by their own beauty

And they shed tears for it
in the back of the taxi home

C     a     n     y     o     u     s     e     e     m     e     f
                                                               ­                     a
                                          ­                                               l
                                                               ­                              l
                                                                ­                                 i
                                                               ­                                       n
                        ­                                                                 ­                  g
                                                               ­                                                  ?
Can you hear me  CALLING?


Can              
                           ­                you
                                                                ­               see
                                                             ­                                         anything
               ­                                                                 ­ at
                                           all?
Just                                   find
                                                            ­                   your
                                                            ­                                              seat

             ­                                                                 ­ and
                                         watch

me f
          
             a
              
                      l

                               l

Need to keep reminding myself of my worth. Have to stay strong. Keep a smile on my face. I can do this. Deep breath. I can do this. I know I can. Just one breath after another. Slow that heartbeat down. Keep that pulse regular.
Breathe.
It won’t get worse from here. Only better. Keep breathing. Think of happy things. New haircut! New tattoo! Sunshine. Warmth. Soft sand. The summer. Cool breeze. Pale skin contrasting everyone else’s tans. Happiness. Love. Balance.
Breathe.
It’s okay. I’ll be okay. Just keep writing. Calm down. Things magnify in my head. Deep breath. Hold it. Let it go. Let it all go. I’m okay. I’ll be okay. Everything’s okay. It’s all in my head.
*Breathe. Breathe and everything will be alright.

Alone in a cold place,
No escape is in sight.

All my thoughts are against me,
But I can no longer stand and fight.

I'm drained and empty of emotion;
Not a trace of a care.

Leaving a huge opening,
For the negative thoughts I can't bear.

Everything adds up,
One issue after the next.

Then they give me their problems too,
The only time I'm worth a text..

But I listen intently,
I let them speak their mind.

I take in all their pain,
And then it becomes mine.

My so-called 'best friends';
That's definitely not what I see.

How can they expect me to really care,
When they won't even try to for me?

So I'll pretend that I'm okay.
Not that they can really tell.

I'm dying on the inside,
And so I wish them all well.