The rain pelts the window,
The Boyfriend who tries to get my attention,
Throwing its rocks at the window,
But I ignore and continue on with my work.

Mrs. Livingston wants a paper written
A 5 page paper
And Things like annoying rain mustn’t distract me.

Though the rain is easy to ignore
There is one thing that I can’t ignore.
Him.
He is there in the back of my mind
Occupying the space where numbers from math class should be,
Where my History homework on Napoleon should be,
Where He shouldn’t be.

Golden eyes flash before me once the room goes white,
A scent seduces my nose though it’s in my mind
Just a memory brought back to life
A ghost intruding when it need not.

Why? Why can’t he leave me alone?
Yet I know it’s not him that’s in the wrong
It’s me
And My gay ways.

Latching onto him
Clasping his words in its hands
Soaking up every syllable
Every word
Everything about him
Like a sponge soaking up the bubbles , suds, water, and germs.

The paper! I must get back to the paper!
He can’t be in my mind when I have much writing to do.
But
I like him.
More than like him.

I remember when at first I dug my heels into the ground
Refusing to fall
Then as time went on
The heels got eroded
The ground beneath me got eroded
My determination was eroded.
And
I
Fell.

An object forced to the ground not because of gravity
But because he had something about him
Something that made my body sing,
With bulking, twisting, and jittering.

Was it his smile?
That one little curve.
That one little curve with such shine
And such sweetness
It could melt ice
And have more sugar than a pack of Hershey Kisses.

Maybe his hair?
The constant loops
Of Wheat
Of sand
Of soft wool.
Taking me on a ride that never seem to end.

Or perhaps his Words and Speech?
The constant dragging out words
The sweet tune of the Hillbilly in his vocals.
Lost in his words that never made sense
Until I thought more of it.

Or maybe his demeanor?
The laid back student who dreams of going cross country in a van.
The one who seems to have everything figured when he can’t figure if he is up or down.
The one who attracts the negative and it turns to problems
The one who surprises me with his out of the blueness.
And takes me on such a high that it shatters by heart when he drops me.

I have to stop.
He is taken from me
That is a thought I mustn’t forget.
Why spend this time
Thinking
Wanting
Loving
Liking
Wishing
Hoping
When he has been taken from me.
I must finish the paper.
I don’t have much time.

I don't mean to hurt people
But I end up doing it anyway
One way or another.

I don't mean to be how I am
I try everyday to better myself
But it seems what I am slips through the cracks.

I guess this is an apology
for hurting the people I do.
For being how I am when the
Person I am is a selfish *******.

I am sorry.

They tell me you're no good
That much is understood.
But they don't know you like I do
No they don't know you like I do.


Your mistakes cover your path
They prevent them to see
That if they were rooted and thrown aside
A good guy you could be.

I guess I am tangled in your hair again.
Anchoring my boat in your eyes.
but now this time
I wonder what is going to happen?

The breeze greeted my face,
Though I rather it be him,
With a gentle touch.

He left me alone
Without a proper goodbye
Left me all alone.

A memory played
In my aching shattered heart
This memory played:

“I mustn’t do this”
But his body replied “Yes”
And we shared a kiss.

My hands on his face
And his on mine. We lost track
Of time as we kissed.

“I mustn’t do this”
But his heart and soul
Replied differently.

His shirt laid on the
Floor. Mine came right after his.
On the bed we kissed.

My fingers traveled,
His fingers traveled also.
Locking together.

Night fell upon us,
And we danced the night away.
Tangling the sheets.

Many days we spent
Holding onto each other.
During the summer.

Many nights we spent,
Finding places that sent chills
Throughout our bodies.

“I love you” He said
On that starry summer night.
“I love you” but then

He left me alone.
Without a proper good bye
Left me all alone.

Why? Was he afraid?
Afraid of what this could mean?
Afraid of this love?

His whispered words still
Linger inside my scarred soul.
Words that hurt my heart.

A blaze burning up
Any oxygen in me,
Taking it from me

Sadness replaces
All that was inside of me
Replaces him

Every memory
Every thought of him
Was fed to fire

I am left shattered,
With nothing besides what was
And what could have been.

He left me, left me
Without a proper goodbye
Left me all alone.

Do I have a second chance?
Is this what a second chance looks like
With you following me
With you looking at me with does blue eyes I have always adored?

Or are you drowning in the no attention?
Desperate for some that you latch onto to me
knowing that I still what you at my side

Let your heart direct your path not your mind.
Open your heart to new feelings but never close it to old.
Venture with your sleeves and your heart rolled up and take that plunge.
Eventually you will find the one you will love... eventually...

I've never really
Been much for
Trying.